I'm now reading the entry for my 17th birthday. Things had started getting a lot better around mid-March, but on my birthday I felt assured of my family's love, and even more, I knew I loved them back. Mama gave me the most beautiful shirt, and spent all morning cooking special foods for my party. It really meant a lot to me. And later, when I went to Semarang and one of the AFS poeple told me that they were very proud of how I'd managed to turn a very bad situation around. I can't find enough words to express it. I finally felt more accepted, despite my absolute differences, then I ever had anywhere else. I think sometimes, that I'm still searching for that again.
A rather large extract from late April: "Maybe I've wasted this year. On the surface it could appear that way, but underneath I think that this is the best thing for myself. Why am I crying whenever I think about leaving? Am I really that attached to everything here? It's so... I don't know, it just, that I guess maybe this place has drilled itself under my skin and made a permanent little spot. And if I feel that way, there's no way that I've wasted this year... I'm going home in 6 weeks. 6 weeks - that's all!!... Oh I want to go home, but life here is good too."
My last entry was May 13th. A whole month and a half after that, for which I have no written record, but so many memories. I do, however, have my 'farewell' book, in which almost every other AFSer wrote in, during our final few days together.
From Makiko: 'Buat Si Anak Kecil. Saya punya nasihat untuk kamu. Jangan makan semua karena kamu bisa mati - Makiko, Si Sakit Mata.' (For The Little Child. I have advice for you. Don't eat everything, because you could die - Makiko, the sore-eyed) Maki had caught conjunctivitis - and later gave it to me! I remember my last moments with her. She and I were at the AFS office in Jakarta, and we decided to go for a short walk, to investigate a nearby mosque. We talked about little things, but we were in tears.
From Jay: "If the sharks come to get you, you can always run to Montana to escape from the evil. Montana is also evil, but there are no sharks there"
Yeshuah: "The little bat cried out in fright. "Turn on the dark, I'm afraid of the light." For my friend, who after a 'keluar biasa' year with AFS need never fear the light again.
Nele: "Just go your own way, ok?... because then you will leave marks (and not just dust)"
Molly: "A year of countless experiences, reaction and meetin' of minds. Always live life to the full - don't accept ANY crap."
Daniel: "Be different if you can... just follow the truth"
Signe: "10 months with tears and thoughts, but we made it. Still Alive. More alive than ever."
Maybe the most telling thing comes from Becki. "The moral of the story... don't go to Yogya... you may never come home."
these thoughts and ramblings are the exclusive property of The Archangel Cameo
© 1999 The Archangel Cameo
