the self-proclaimed


Queen of Procrastination

(11:45 am) I'm drowning in this stupid bloody ling essay. I thought I had all my ideas nicely sorted out, I got one seventh of the way into it, and realised I don't have a clue about what I'd like to say. I hate essays.

I especially didn't like it, when I read what I thought was my idea for an introduction, in the foreword of one of the textbooks.... I also hate it when ideas I think are original, have actually been taken over by someone else.

I also hate essays where I can't give my own opinion, because it's basically unsubstantiated, and doesn't have the weight of years of research behind it.

Here's the topic, at any rate:
"Assess the positive social and cultural value and other positive consequences of having a clearly identifiable standard variety of a language, and the negative consequences that also arise. Exemplify with English. Consider the possibility that your answer might be complex, involving distinctions of a) linguistic 'level' (includes pronunciation, grammar, etc); b) informal spoken vs formal spoken and/or written usage; (etc). In what circumstances might it be reasonable to have no identified standard at all? What is the role of the media in respect of these matters?"

What I'd LIKE to do is talk about our language being a marker of who we are - which is a factor against the standardisation of English. *big headache* I desperately want to quote from 'trainspotting', as an example of non-standard English, used almost in defiance, used to SHOW that these characters are 'properly' Scottish - yet in a very successful book, published worldwide, and at times, totally incomprehensible to most other English speakers.

"Wi wir at the National, right? This cunt Cheggers is daein interviews fir City Radio Liverpool, jist blethering shite tae punters in the crowd, ken? Well, he comes ower tae un, n we didnae wantae talk tae the cunt, but ye ken Matty, he's thinkin, this is fuckin stardom, ne he's gaun oan aboot how great it is tae be here in Liverpool, Keith, n wir having a whale ay a time, n aw that shite... away n fuck yirsel ya radge cunt"

*lol* First time I read the book, I had to read it out loud, to understand it, and then afterwards, I had a scottish accent for days!!!

Back to the essay.... (11:51)
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(12:08)
You wouldn't believe how much I hate writing this thing
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(12:12)
I also hate referencing. Half the time, I don't know if the ideas are mine, or come from something I've read. Usually, I'm sure that I've just sped read a whole shitload of books, coagulated everything I remember into my own 'theory', and then used quotes and ideas from others to exemplify what I want to say.

(eg. first draft:) " Written English is the most standardised of all forms of English, due to the codification of the English language in dictionaries. Deviations in this system are limited - differences in orthography tend only to occur between British and American in words such as (British spelling first): 1. colour / color 2. realisation / realization 3. pyjamas / pajamas These differences do not matter so much, they are usually mutually understood by speakers on both sides of the Atlantic. "

I don't know if this is my idea, or not!!!!! It seems blatantly obvious to me, that this is the case (that setting down words in a dictionary defines them as 'must be spelt this way', but with Webster and Johnson having differing opinions over spelling, US and UK have differences) But some of the texts point this out as well. To reference, or not to reference - that is the question..... (12:18- back to the essay)
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(12:31) Just got off the phone to Danni... If I don't finish this by 4:30, then I can go use the labs at Deakin Hall, with her.
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(12:39) Do I dare add the word 'vagina' to my ling essay?? *lol*
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(12:41) And which term is more scholarly, 'butt', 'bottom' or 'arse'??
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(12:53) Succumbed to the lure of the chat room
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(1:03) Decided to not write about Standard English in spoken situations, and instead concentrate on the written version only.
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(1:11) I now have 440 words. I need 1500.
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(1:22) I've written another 36 words. I think I'm toast
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(1:29) I think my problem is that I'm too good at writing succinctly - and I run out of ideas, before I run out of words. that's today's theory anyway.
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(1:41) It's been at least 10 minutes since I last looked at my essay... *sigh*
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(1:52) Oh yeah... over one third of the way through... wordcount now 519.... I love adding nice big quotes!
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(2:03) Too many things I want to say - no idea about how to order them
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(2:09)Contemplating quoting two entire pages of a textbook, coz the authors have said absolutely everything that I want to say.
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(2:25) Taking Loooong break from essay
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(2:35) Now at 630 words... nearly half way there... the mists are clearing.... I hope....
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(2:55) don't be fooled by the long breaks between entries. It doesn't mean I'm writing more of the essay - I'm spending more time in chat...
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(3:02) this essay is nought but a big pile of crap.
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(3:07) there's a battle in my head, between what I want to say, which strays right off the topic, and what the fucking texts say, which is just a pile of theoretical crap
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(3:17) 824 words now. I hate this.. I really do.
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(3:19) Overdosing on panadol seems a very promising option at this moment...
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(3:28) I should've been writing about spoken English. But that just drives me fucking mad!!!!
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(3:44) might have found a wormhole to squeeze through and pull my essay out after me... god, I hope so.
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(4:03) Have something entirely brilliant to say, that has only a tenuous link to the essay topic, and now I just need to think of a way to introduce it....
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(4:21) oh please, please don't let this lab shut at 4:30...... I'm over 1000 words now... I feel happier....
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(4:39) In a bitchy mood - abusing some dickhead in the chatroom, and feeling a hell of a lot better.
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(4:55) Being kicked out of computer lab - I'm heading up to Deakin now....
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(5:43)Settled in at the Deakin Labs
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(6:32)And the battle is slowly drawing to a close... we're up to 1210 words now....
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(6:55) Have just indulged in some stichomancy to see if I'll pass my assingment. The answer? "Sadly enough, research is lacking to show how far conclusions can be generalised".
Oh. Sounds strangely prophetic
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(7:10) I am soooo close... just over 100 words still needed!!
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(7:30) Break time - we're going to McDonalds for tea
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(8:45) At Becky2's house now - I can use her computer later, but for now I'm watching 'Good News Week'
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(9:30) And I'm going to watch the movie as well - maybe do some of the quizzes in one of the magazines lying around
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(11:30) Trying to think of those last 100 words
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(12:17) Finished. Printed. Thank God. It's the biggest pile of shite I've EVER produced!
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All procrastination here is caused by the archangel.

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