Part XVII is now here. I wonder how many pages this eventually will be and if I'll continue writing this even
after I get home. Some essay this turned out to be-it's longer than an essay. But it's been fun. Nothing better
than writing random babble to pass the time. It's this or the Drew Carey Show-I chose this. So what do I babble about now?
After writing that intense section on friendship I am at a loss for what to talk about. I'm going home.
Not much to that. Lord knows what I'm going to do with Elliott in town. It's been fun so far.
Mom has only blown her top once-and that was with good reason. Right now I'm writing on the airline tray with my
head against the seat in front of me. There really isn't much room here. And I have to watch for Tori knocking
up against me. Other than that everything is pleasant. My life is in order. Through this move I discovered strengths I never
knew I had which is always cool. Helps me to feel like a complete and whole inividual. My regreats are more like what ifs.
There are no problems that I have with people or they with me as far as I know. Next year I might go to Italy
with Ada and Freddy and her mom. That would be fun. I adore Europe. The guys are cuter, the accents are really cool,
the food is great, and most people are really nice.
Back now with Paer XVIII. I'm listening to Beautiful Stranger by Madonna. Everytime I hear this song
I think of myself. I know that might sound strange, but I feel I relate to that song pretty good.
In Louisville I felt as though everyone was seeing me for the first time. I changed quite a bit in 8 months.
I have gotten better looking, I feel better about myself, and deep down inside I've tapped into a new me.
In Eugene I'm a beautiful stranger because I've only lived there 8 months. So I am still fairly new. The funny thing
is that it feels like I've lived there for years and not months. Everyone I've talked to agrees with me on that one.
All I know is that I'm there, the world is still going in its orbit and life goes on. I've been having fun. This whole
summer has been really busy and will continue to be so. I'll get my day or two of solitude in one of these days.
At the end of my journey here is Part XIX. I was thinking about that Madonna song again and I realized
that because I've changes so much that I am even a stranger unto myself.
That stranger to me is beautiful. This person is the I always knew I had but never knew how to get a hold of.
It's an incredible thing. This stranger radiates from me and I can feel it. My walls even display the confidence
I have gained from this stranger. I am no longer afraid to express what i find tasteful and cool.
I would like to share the beginnings of this confidence: The Promise
To a world wrapped in darkness,
That little poem started me off on the most incredible work of my life. When I was scared
of crashing in an airplane I was flipping through my purse and I stumbled through the junk I had found that.
After I read it I felt so calm and at ease that my only explanation is that it was God who did that.
With one of my greatest fears he comforted me. For that I am eternally grateful. Without
that piece of paper I wouldn't be where I am today. My faith began the instant I read The Promise.
That title alone made me feel better. I sometimes wonder where it came from. But I've realized
that really isn't important. All that I know is that it's a gift from God that I will never be able to return.
My journey has really only begun. I am young and just now learning which way the wind blows in. The sad thing is that
I want to write but can't since I'm so tired. Farewell. End Part XIX.
I'm going to miss Ada a whole bunch. We had the greatest time together.
She's my sister, or one of them at least. We have been best friends for a long time.
The relationship that I have with her is nothing less than spectacular.
I sometimes marvel at the fact that we are very close, and yet when I think of why we're friends
an answer escapes me. Some things don't need to be explained, like friendship.
It's an awesome thing that defies explanation. It's one of those profoundly simple things that is
in fact so complex that the true meaning is lost. Friendship is just one of those things
we were meant to enjoy and be thankful for. Trying to discover why friendship is and does
makes no sense when it's one of life's simple pleasures that have remained throughout the ages.
There are definite qualities that make a friendship a friendship. That is usually
common understanding that is learned over time. Those qualities are fact and asking why is not only silly
because the answer is simple, but because trying to describe it by any other word other than friendship
is merely impossible. Friendship is a love that has no bounds and lives at the core
of our existance. So by questioning it we defy and deny our basic human nature.
If we deny who we are, what are we? We are here for a reason and a purpose.
If there is no need for us, then why are we in existance? People who commit
suicide forget to ask themselves that important basic question. We are all here for a reason.
What that reason is takes years for us to find out, or discover that we in fact fulfilled that purpose.
It may only be that we're here for one person. That one person could be the link to life's purpose
and therefore give life meaning and full of substance. People who may not be very bright
often understand this all too well. Sometimes I wish that I could appreciate everything and everyone at
face value. How much nicer the world would be! But then I couldn't sit and think about life's little mysteries,
which is nice to do when I'm alone in my bed at night. There isn't too much to do in Eugene excpet think,
which makes the people there really cool, loving, and open. It's all that thinking that makes people
in Eugene interesting to talk to and be around. Even the jocks in Eugene are deeper. It's really strange,
but at the same time it's cool. The perspectives on life are very different indeed.
Yes this trip was great. Boosted my self-esteem up really nicely. This trip helped me
feel like the beautiful and attractive person I am. Yep. I had several guys interested in me.
That is always a good thing-always. So needless to say I'm having a great time "shopping".
There are a lot of guys out there. Someday I will find the right one. But until then I'm going to
have fun trying different ones on for size, so to speak. That's what being young is all about.
People who get married and have children early in life miss out on a wonderful opportunity to experience
life and childhood. It's one of those things that everyone is supposed to have fond memories of.
We are now beginning our descent to Minneapolis en route *RAT* to home. Damn!
We're getting ready to land. I ahve to finish this page. There's no shortcut in this at all.
If I don't do this my closure can't be complete. It's evil I tell you! So far the flight back has been fun.
Elliott is very amusing. Know what was cool? Elliott pointed out to me from the airplane window
the moon. It was really neat looking. I thought about whipping out my camera and taking a picture of it.
How often is the moon really clear in the daylight? It was just one of those things. Right now the engine is
sounding strange-going faster then slower then faster again. Freaks me out a little. I think landing is the best part.
Okay I'm going to try to hurry this up. Tray tables need to be in their locked postition and seats to their upright position.
Almost done. There goes the landing gear. End Part XVI.
My favorite body feature is the eye. I love eyes. Mine are really cool. They are blue-gray with a gold rim
around the pupil sometimes. My eyes are always going from blue to gray to some weird mix of the both of them. My eyes
are really pretty, so that makes them my favorite physical feature. Eyes are the window to the soul *RAT*. They can tell you so
much. Even when a person is lying the eyes give it away. They're the greatest lie detector ever. Time for the restroom. Be back
in a jiff! End Part XVII.
What would happen if this was publishd? That would be really cool and very weird.
In a way I want it to-I'm always very proud of what I've written. I'm a painter of words.
That would make me a good preacher someday. I'm a natural born leader. I know when to lead and
when to follow. Sometimes I have problems with the follow part. Have you noticed that I sometimes write the same word right under
each other? That really bothers me, but it's unintentional, that's the annoying part.
But no one noticed till I said that either. I hate it when people point out those things.
Like is someone has a bug bite and they announce they're itching you then begin to feel your bug bite
become itchy. Right now we're flying over Montana, or at least we were. I don't know where we are.
From where we're at we can see the ground pretty clearly. OKay we'e in Northern Idaho according to our pilot. So almost in Oregon.
I can't wait for winter so I can get rid of my tan and go snowboarding. That's really fun if you get the chance to do it.
It's not as easy as it seems, but it's a great workout. I love snow so much. It's part of my favorite kind of weather.
I love swimming too. Elaine calls me a little mermaid. I'm in and out of the water quick as any fish. I'm a good swimmer.
My favorite river is teh Snake River. I'm not sure how to describe why I like it so much. I guess becuase it's deep and
winding and it's surrounded by beautiful lanscape. It;s just cool. My favorite cereal is Lucky Charms. My favorite
boy band is 98 degrees. My favorite channel is cartoon network. My favorite actor is Seth Green. My favorite comedian is Adam Sandler.
My favorite candy is Milk Duds. Coke is my perfect soft drink. Those are some of the favorites people usually don't ask about that I am
dead sure of. I fel like going off on that. Wait. I don't need to explain myself. This is my random essay. Glad I reminded
myself of that. Now if my earphones would stay in place I'd be in business. I am bored. There is nothing good to do (minnus writing).
The seat space on the plane is small so getting into a comfy position to
sleep in is difficult. How did I do it when I was younger? It mystifies me. Well we're in Oregon now. Home of
no sales tax which is heavan. I don't know what I would do without it. Not buy anything I guess.
Anyway, once you've lived in a place with no sales tax you can never go back. Santa Fe, New Mexico is a really pretty city.
We drove through there on the way home from Texas. It;s one of the few western and southern towns
that I really like. I know it's a huge tourist trap but it's so cool looking. Our descent to the Portland airport has begun.
We can look forward to a prop job. I don't think I'll be able to write from Portland to Eugene. So it's been real.
I hope that I'll do this again in the future. Who knows. I bid you farewell for now. End Part XVIII.
God promised a LIGHT...
To those who are frightened,
An end to the night...
To those who are hurting,
God promised a friend who'll catch every tear drop,
Whose love has no end...