8-6-99 Even with another hand injury here is Part 25. I've actually thought about things I can bable about. For one thing when it comes to kissing I'm not too enthusiastic about it. I view kissing (on the lips) a very intimate gesture. I don't feel very comfortable doing it. I don't know why a quick peck on the kisser is such a huge deal. I guess to me that is a kind of sharing that two people in love should only share. It grosses me out otherwise. A kiss on the hand to me is a very noble and sexy gesture. By kissing someone's hand it means you have a very high respect for them. Those are very cool indeed. It's a very gentleman-like gesture which I find beyond very cool since it comes from a period in time in which it would be very rude not to do so. Boy is my hand bruised today. I am injury central. My most recent dilemna is where to put my very cool Asuka picture. My room needs to be picked apaert and organized. That is a project for a pleasant rainy day. Elliott began to realize ever so slightly the difficulties I have between deciding whether to like Eugene or Louisville better. On one hand I have a whole bunch of friends in Louisville, but I am in Eugene with a new set of friends. He misses the people in Ky and his home, yet when he goes back to Ky he's going to miss me as well. That's exactly what I had to contend with when I went back to Kentucky myself. He only can grapple with that on a lower level since he wasn't put through the same situation, and his ties here are basically me. It's been really nice having him here. Then again spending time with the one person who knows me better than I know me is a lot of fun. I haven't cried in awhile. Since the tears build up so much they randomly begin to make it appear as though I was crying. I would enjoy crying if I had something cool to cry over and or for. I'm sure I could bring something up but the need and desire to do so isn't there. Crying over some things just won't help me or get anywhere. Then again I don't have too much to make me completely happy. I am content with nyself and my surroundings. I'm in that neutral place where it's going to take some event to help me change that. When Elliott is gone I'm going to miss him a whole lot. He's always there for me and reminds me that I am in fact a decent person who is very nice, despite my selfish tendencies. I am selfless when it comes to friends and being there for them. I absorb their agony, worries, and woes, making them my own and give them up to God and pray that he will handle them. I feel enormous amounts of emotional pain for my friends. I help carry their burdens at a great cost to myself. In return I don't let others carry my burdens. I refuse offers because I am strong and independent and any bestowance of my burdens on anyone else is taken as a weakness. That is what I have convinced myself. I bottle up everything and suffer in silence when I know I shouldn't. That is who I am, and as much as I would liek to change that I am very unwilling to begin a change. That is me. I have only realized this recently. Remind me that I have pictures to pick up. They are rather important to me. So the likely hood of them turning out good is very small. The unimportant pictures turn out really good whereas the important ones don't. Okay I'm tired. I really should be getting to bed. But here is yet another page for me to finish. Why do I always let this happen? Bed sounds really good. This means that the last few lines of this page are going to be used up by me explaining my sleepiness. That was fun. End Part 25.