7-21-99

Here I am with Part IV. I've been thinking a lot about this little essay. There's so much for me to talk about. The hypothetical possibilities for this essay are endless. I thought a lot about what to write about. Then I realized a couple minutes ago that this essay is random. Dealing only with what I?m thinking about at that current moment in time. Sometimes I mention things that I've thought a lot about, others just come. I love writing this. There are no rules that I have to follow. Chronological order means nothing. The best part is that I feel like writing this. I don't have to write this. That's the beauty of it.
It's kind of hard to write right now. I have this biography of I'm assuming JFK in the background. So this section is bound to get really random.
I use that word a lot. It?s the word that sums me up: random. The funny thing is though I'm only random because all of my thinking pops up at oddly related times. Unfortunately it is one o'clock. My mom is making me close up shop so to speak. Seems like I just got started. I really don't like finishing up with only part of a page finished. It's very comforting finishing a page. It's an end. I don?t like endings. I'm very bad at them. I'm great at beginnings, but endings I never know quite how to deal with them. My usual tendency is to draw out endings which I am very good at. I don't realize it until it is very long. Like I should have stopped at the previous page so as to help go to bed sooner. But seeing as how endings are not my thing I don't feel right until I have a decent end completed. Endings are final good-byes. That's why I hate losing friends. It's the end and that I don't like. Most of the time it really bothers me, rarely it doesn't. Maybe I'll discuss more of that later. Talking about endings and good-byes helps me cope with death and lost friendship, which doesn't happen often, but still bothers me a great deal. I'm learning that life continues. Even after goodbye. End Part IV. Back