From now on we're past the hexed point. Here is Part 36. I would really like to begin typing this up. I am tempted to do so, but I know that if I do then I'll read what I don't want to read as of yet. I've got the foreward for the essay all worked out. I'm not too faraway from the end of this book. Elliott and I stayed up all night last night. We weren't even tired is the sad thing. He left at 4:52 a.m. I'm not going to see anyone from Ky for a really long time. That's the only bad thing about living so far away-you live too far from your friends so you can't see them half as much as you would like to. Ada might spend spring break with me here and got to school with me for that week. I think that would be really cool. There's a lot of things that would be cool that aren't going to happen just because of time and money. Speaking of which I need some. After Oz I'm going to get a job. I want to go to Europe and that costs money I don't have and need to get.
When I finally got to the hexed point Elliott dragged me downstairs, opened up all the of the kitchen cabinets, turned on every light, and a few other things. The whole thing was typical Elliott. It was amusing, like a silly way of saying he had been there. Well I pretty much have the house to myself. Tori is off at camp, the house is quiet. At least now I can get a lot done, like work on my wall, my website, search for more things for my wall and site, read my book, an of course finish this off. That makes me feel good knowing that I can accomplish much. Then there is always looking forward to having AJ come over. That is always a lot of fun. In a week my cousin Allie comes out from Colorado to check out colleges. I'm going to go with her when they check out western Oregon. I have too much stuff and too much open floorspace in my room. The only cozy place in my room is where my bed is. It's the cave of the room. I like it. It's secure and comfy with cool things to stare at when I'm bored. One day I am going to go through my room and reorganize everything. Maybe then my room will have room. A long time ago I used to be so paraniod about our house burning down that I would sit and think of what I would grab before I escaped the fire. I can't remember what I would grab exactly. Now I think that all of that is a silly idea since people are what count and the memories of your things are something you can cherish forever. I still remember this race car I played with as a young child. Certain components of this race car could eb unscrewed with a special wrench that belonged to it. I remember taking the car apart and putting it back together over and over. That is the funnest toy I have ever played with. To this day I would have fun playing with it if I could locate it. Then again I adore playing with toys that are assembly required. To me that is the best part about getting a toy like Playmobil or Legos.
It's sad that we put away our chilhood so soon and ignore it. It's so much fun to play with stuffed animals and things. Playing stimulates imagination and creativity, two things this world is lacking in. The only reason I stopped playing with toys is that is got boring and my interests change. People who stopped playing with toys because of peer pressure missed out on life. I kept doing so until I was 14. Other people's opinions of me didn't matter then and still don't, with the exception of good friends. Their opinions count. Even then I'm going to believe what I want to believe no matter what since I'm stubborn. When I say no I mean it. Especially when it comes to roller coasters. I hate them, have never gone on one, never will. My friends have tried everything. The only way I'll go on one is if and only if I convince myself that it will be alright. At least they respect my views on them. It's helpful. I am Kentucky-Fied-Chicken.
End Part 36.
The Future
Part 37 right here and now. I hate feeling some depressing kind of emotion and not being able to directly link it to anything. I just feel down right now. It would be nice to know why. Yesterday makes no sense to me. Why did I cry? It's not like I'm never going to see Elliott again. He even got home safely. Sometimes I don't make sense to myself. He had a really good time here. I can't believe I never came back to finish writing this! Well go figure it being me who leaves a page half written. I would really like to finish writing my essay. The question is, how long will it take for me to say goodbye? As we all know goodbyes aren't my thing. Goodbye is death. I've already had to deal with 3 deaths in my family with more guaranteed to follow. That is life though. When it comes to death I'm in denial. The impact of they're never going to be there anymore I've refused to deal with. The exception is my Oma. I went to her funeral. Even when I knew she wasn't going to be there anymore I denied it. When we all had to throw dirt on her coffin I refused to do it. That would mean she's dead. Throwing dirt is disrespectful. So when I die I want water poured not dirt. Water is the giver, a keeper of life. It renews us. Not to mention what it represents in Christianity which I find the most important. There is so much symbolism connected with water. It refreshes, renews, cleanses, gives a breath of air. I adore water. The weightlessness is unbelievable with the fact that there is so much you can do in it. It's complete and total freedom. Because water means new life in Christ I want it to symbolize my birth into the kingdom of God. I know I'm a great person, I have a ton of awesome friends who love me for me and a familiy that supports what I do and loves me inspite of wrongdoings. Most importantly though, I have a God who is pure love and loves me more than myself. End Part 37.
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