The top ten worst things Jim could say to Blair once he comes to....
9) "Well. I guess you showed me alright..."
8) "About that five bucks you owe me..."
7) "If you were trying to make Captain Banks cry, mission accomplished."
6) "I hope you realize I'm missing World's Dumbest Criminals while we speak."
5) "Sandburg, you are such a drama queen."
4) "Sweet Jesus, that Alex is a fox."
3) "Way to drown, hairboy."
2) "I hear being killed by a woman can turn a guy impotent for months."
1) "I found a pair
of your socks by the back stairs, and I want them out by the end of the
week."
The Ten Gushiest Things Nero Wolfe Has Said To Archie Goodwin.
9) I have noted, perhaps in more detail than you think, your talents and capacities. You are an excellent observer, not in any respect an utter fool, completely intrepid, and too conceited to be seduced into perfidy.
8) I concede your craft, your finesse, and your gumption.
7) It is you, and since I decided long ago to put up with you, I even welcome it.
6) It is satisfactory to have you back.
5) I forwent cheese and coffee and came at once.
4) You have your gifts, Archie.
3) Confound it, did you arrive safely or not?
2) Archie. If I need to tell you, I do, that I have unqualified confidence in you and am completely satisfied with your performance in this case, as I have been in all past cases and expect to be in all future ones.
1) Very satisfactory.
(This list is not courtesy of Nero Wolfe,
who, if pressed, would probably deny outright that he had ever said any
of these things)
The Ten Worst Things Blair Could Say To Jim When He Comes To
10) Hey, great, I'm in a hospital-- I have somewhere to sleep tonight!
9) Boy is my Mom going to be pissed at you...
8) Jim, would you
mind getting out of my hospital room? It's
getting kinda claustrophobic
in here and....
7) Jim, this is as
good a time as any to tell you that I work for
the CIA...
6) Gee, you're being
so nice now. I feel kinda bad about setting
the loft on fire.
5) Swallow your soul!!!! Dead by Dawn! More Brains!
4) Hey Jim, can I see your gun for a second?
3) Jesus, Simon, are you CRYING? (hysterical laughter)
2) Niiice work, Mr. Blessed Protector.
1) Psych!
Top
Ten Worst Ways Mulder Could Tell Scully That He Has Her Eggs In His Freezer
(he does too...If you don't believe us,
go watch Memento Mori again)
10) Are those your eggs in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?
9) Um...Scully, I don't know how to tell you this, but that wasn't caviar.
8) Come take a look through this microscope-- I want you to see the one I've named Samantha.
7) Here are your eggs back...mostly.
6) (handing her the vial) I'd heard Catholic girls were easy, Scully, but I had no idea.
5) Three guesses whose eggs these are....
4) Happy Birthday!
3) (shows up at work wearing a t-shirt with the following slogan) I broached security at the most secret facility the U.S. military has to offer, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Oh, and your eggs.
2) Human reproduction, the miracle of life; that 46 chromosomes can be arranged in ways diverse enough to produce each of us...(monologue continues for 10 minutes)...which reminds me, Scully, I have your eggs.
1) (lines up an ostrich egg, a chicken egg, and Scully's eggs) If you figure out which is yours, I'll let you keep it.
0) Here, I hope you have womb for these.
-1) Scully, check it out-- I haven't worn this suit in months, and look what I found in the pockets...
Next
project wouldhave been Pretendery, if the show hadn't begun to suck.
Instead we found ourselves compelled to do the following.
10) Has anyone here actually seen
a single episode of Millenium? No? That's fine...
9) What this episode
needs is a shovel fight.
8) Okay, so basically this episode peels back layer upon layer of lies, misdirection, and obfuscation, and delves right into the secret that the Millenium Group has fought to preserve and protect for hundreds of years. And here it is: how to make zombies.
7) Four horsemen...that could get pretty expensive. I mean, could we do this with just three?
6) Why is Lance Henrikksen
crying?
5) It was very progressive
of Mr. Carter to hire us straight out of that mental institution.
4) BRAINS!!..MORE BRAINS!!
3) Two shows enter!
One show leaves! Two shows enter! One show leaves!
2) Does anyone here
know how to spell Millenium? No? That's fine...
1) What we really
wanted to do with this epsiode was lay a respected character and a fine
show to rest with dignity and grace, and I think we've done that.
Now back to the scene where Gillian bends over and we can see up her dress....