Do you have a household pet?
Does your pet love you unconditionally?
What are the chances that pet is an alien?
Facts:
55% of all citizens of Earth have some kind of household pet
over 50% of these household pets love their owners unconditionally
almost 30% of all household pets are, in reality, aliens
Luckily, in todays age we have knowledge of which pets are and which are not aliens
Have your pet take this simple test:
Does your pet seem stupider than it should be?
When you are gone, does your pet rifle through your personal belongings?
Does your pet mysteriously disapear?
When your pet is observing things, does it act "shifty and mysterious?"
Does your pet, occassionally, speak english on accident?
Has your pet ever stolen anything from you?
Have you noticed strange lights coming from your pets sleeping area?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, your pet may be an alien!
Your life may be in imminent danger!
Know the facts!
Real pets ARE NOT NICE!
Real pets will bite and scratch given the opportunity.
Real pets CANNOT BE HOUSEBROKEN!
Real pets will relieve themselves wherever possible.
Alien/pets ARE EVIL!
Though they may appear nice, it is only an act.
They want to keep us FOOLED!
They try to keep us complacent and unknowing while they fool us all.
How do you protect yourself?
There are no surefire ways, they have infiltrated the system long ago. Our knowledg is slim!
All we can do at present is Be Aware!
At the Funkmeister Institute for Synthetic Harvestry and Hatching (FISHH)
We are furthering knowledge into the alien/household pet conspiracy every day
Stay posted for further developements!
New Discoveries Unleashed and Rampant Upon the Surface of the Earth!
At the new underground FISHH research complex we are making discoveries at a hastened, rabid squirrels pace!
Here is what we have learned!
Alien pets live on their host families cheese and other dairy products...we think this has something to do with maintaining their sanity...if the cheese supply is ever cut....its hard to tell what these beings could be capable of!
Alien pets need a minimum of 18 hours rest a day...with at least 12 of those hours sleeping...this is how they replenish their inhuman strength
Alien pets steal various items owned by the host family...all kinds of items are taken...but there are certain items preffered by these E.T.'s
Socks
Shoes
Short pieces of rope
cigarettes
seeds
credit cards
small waisted/short legged pants
childrens size/mature looking shirts
frizbee's
eye glasses
balls of any type
mopeds
and lastly, cheese and dairy products
Monitoring of these items is recommended if your pet is suspect!
New Developements!!!
Scientists Working for F.I.S.S.H Killed In Bizarre fashion
Recently scientist doing research for the think tank F.I.S.S.H., which operates solely on private funds, have been dying in mysterious manners.
Doctor Valdmir Stelin, a cold war nuclear physisicts
from Russia, was found in his home with a 'self inflicted gunshot wound' to the side of his head. The weapon used was a special weapon supplied to covert CIA hit squads, a 70mm sniper rifle designed to destroy tanks and slow moving aircraft.
The good doctors head was blown clear, along with the majority of the rest of his body....the 8' rifle in his hand.
Another Doctor, Dr. Heidrick Hilmell, from post war Nazi-Germany, was found dead of an overdose of marijuana, it appeared the surgeon had injested 6 pounds of it and died of a THC overdose.
Countless other deaths, including a self inflicted guilletine wound, have led some to question if a conspiracy does not exist!
The truth must be found!
We have hired on a staff of 2 dozen ex-Argentenian nationals and are looking for a fight, this has lead to a financial burden on our organization, one which we have now eleviated with branching out into more diverse areas, including nuclear arms dismantling, and various sea side warehousing and cargo shipping between the Atantic coasts (anyone needing a nuclear warhead call us).
These Foreigners are itching to find any possible links to organizations wishing to infringe on our own organizations rights, so we send them in hopes of a head count, some pride for our foreign dissidents, and a resolution to the foul allegatons of possible cult ties.
Got a beef with us? Bring it on!
Justice will be served!
Our enemies will be killed timely and completely leading to our once again safe venture into our many areas of research.
Good luck to you and safety for your loved ones!
At any cost!!!
At FISSH we have many slogons...depending on where we do business
The internet being a boundryless environment...here they all are in full
"at FISSH it is our business to mind your business"
"Making the world a better tommorow so you don't have to"
"Saving your kin from alien critters before they take over kentucky"
"FISSH: Bend over sucker"
"More than an animal with gills...but also a research company with gills!"
"FISSH: Taking the destruction of our planet one step at a time"
"We don't make nerve gas, we only make the men that make the nerve gas"
