thoughts of the day

out of it...

...............corporate america, and i am

Hey, what is this? Oh yeah, thoughts of the day...
Blank screens are always sneaking up on me...

i saw the x-men movie. i grew up on x-men. logan was always my favourite character. i'm really glad that the movie centered around him. all of the actors were too young, though. ageism in america.
i don't make enough money. i work for "dogmeat." it's ridiculous. money, perpetuating cycle, i liked life better when i didn't have a car or a job. things are harder, now.
corporate america, and i am. i have the high tech equipment, the computer, the cd player, the car, and i'll get the cell phone. the future of america. what are we showing our youth? it's ridiculous. grow up, move out, get a job, work until you die. that's it?
people are shallow. people are incredibly shallow. 24 year old men washing dishes and making 11 dollars an hour for it, can't even compose a coherent letter. how can you be satisfied with a job like that?
and i call myself politically active. i write letters. it's what i do. i plan small get togethers for the ungrateful gay youth of las vegas. they don't even show up, anymore.
my boyfriend left me about a month ago because i'm crazy. my best friend told me that she can't handle me, that i need to get proffessional help. i need therapy.
i have been dealing with the same issues, it's a perpetuating cycle.
my boyfriend left me. he knew. he knew everything. i am tierd of retelling the stories. i don't want to have to explain to anyone new. i don't want to have to tell them. i don't want to have to fight through that again.
you never get over things like that. there is no way to get over a "sexual assault" [the woman taking my blood for the HIV test asked me and i had to answer yes, and later she tried to give me literature and numbers of support groups and counselors, and i refused. i said that i was done with it. what a liar i am].
what happened at the lake really scared me, little froggie. the huge marks you left on my neck on my bussom were very bad. they still haven't gone away and it's been two weeks. frightening. i said no, i said stop, i tried to push you off, i remember. i gave up, though, because it didn't hurt that bad, and i didn't want to turn it into a fight, into a big thing, into something that would have to be dealt with. i gave in so that it wasn't a sexual assault. but it almost was. would you have stopped? i wonder. that bugs me. i'll have to talk to you about it, if i ever get to see you again.
but i won't
get to see you again. i'm a throw-away girl, right? i am the ultimate one night stand. yeah, i'm good. i'm fun. but am i too much? can't someone handle me in larger doses?
it's hard. it's been hard, lately. i haven't been writing, much. i go work, i go to the gym, i read magazines, write letters to important people, take long showers, sleep alot. i eat ice cream and drink cherry coke. ouch.

i'm tierd. i want some real friends. and actually, i'll never have any. "real friends" by my definition do not exist. everyone is shallow. i'm shallow. i hate it. there is no way for a human to connect enough to another human, unless maybe you're in a long relationship with one person and you are with them everyday...
t, i miss you. i fucking miss your sorry ass. god fucking damn it. i just want to spout curse words and hit things

- fallen

previous thoughts of the day

ARCHIVES

poetry
short stories and other literary works
about me
links

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page