Ahhh... I'm sorry!!!
...............
Hullo, Everyone...
I am very, very sorry for not updating in... forever? I have been out of town just enough to not have the time to fix AOL (goddamn rezerfretzin piece of...). It won't let me go to websites. I am at a friend's house, now. So expect no real updates for a while. Today is April 22nd, if you dont hear from me in a month, send in the reinforcements.
For now, enjoy what Emily has written. It's long and lovely. Should keep you fairly entertained for a while, at least.
- fallen
Letters to Faceless People
I don't know why, but I've created my own ghost...I write to him.
Dear,
So it seems I'm writing letters again. Yes to the unknown faceless people. See now, I start to question my insanity. I once stated I was sane. Now I feel as if I am not. Do you suppose I was insane while I spoke of my sanity, and now I'm sane because I've lost my sanity? It makes you think.
Look, they're selling carnations. I doubt they know waht it even means. I could spend over $30 worth and no one would really even care. Insensitive pricks.
Men and their nasty peni. They feel nice inside, make you feel whole and joined. Other than that they have no use. They make me ill. They even have their own aweful smells. They're so aweful. Ammy they're gross. Shenoa even sort finds them threatening.
I appreciate lesbians over bisexuals. Why? Because lesbians know what they want. True, being bi you're more free to love who you love, but most are just horny. Sometimes confused, but mostly horny.
I have journal entries to write tonight. I hate writing for teachers. Like they actually know or care. Then if you put something down just for fuck's sake they worry. Maybe I'll speak in metaphors. 'Tis always fun. Or as KMFDM said, "We used to hate people. Now we just make fun of them. It's a lot easier that way."
Mrs. Benefield is worth making fun of. She's just too damn happy to be teaching such a terrible Lit. I love the grammar, but the stories are terrible. So now I go.
So long for now,
The Faceless Girl
"How do you afford your Rock 'n' Roll lifestyle?"
Dear,
Another note another faceless person. Don't ou enjoy being as unknown as I am? As we alla re? I could die today. They'd put it on the news. Mom, Dad, Chris...they'd remember. Lauren's too little, but it'd haunt her. Other's would remember. No one important. No one who will ever probably make it out of the trailer parks.
Yes Georgia. It's humid, smells of piss, and when the boys come home from work reeking of sweat, BO, more piss, and beer. They sit in their shit stained recliner, wear their pit stained "wife-beaters" and ignore their stupid in bred piglets. Everyone wants to get out. Especially the preppy shits who think they'll marry into money because mommy did. What doctor wants a pregnant slut for a wife? If they're going to be successful, no stupid woman wll stand in the way of medical school.
This all sounds very selfish, rude, mean, raw...bitter?
To put it away? My writing AWAY?! I AM IN AN ENGLISH CLASS?! Argh...
Oh, oh, one of these days. She's just so damn happy.
Trite, shallow. Part of life I DO appreciate. Everything about Benefield is trite. This entire school-trite. I write, cunt, that is what I do. Read, get angry, feel. Go ahead, are you upset I called you a cunt? I can respect someone I can be honest, crude, and blunt with.
On the second day she takes back up her writing. Vomit. She called me honey. She asked for dividers. Piss and vomit. She's so nauseating. "Don't be afraid!" She scares me. Truly I wouldn't read if she got on her knees begging to eat my twat, and for me to scream it when I came. How truly an entertaining thought, but I prefer to pass. Pass out. Pass gas. Scream. Vomit. More books on tape. Ew.
Cars, bouncing cars. We drive. For 3 days, writing would be divine, and now I do. About waht? The nausea that comes in waves, the cramps in my tummy? The clenching fist? Or the headache. Unrelenting. I'm so powerless.
"God's Highway"
Does that mean there are men with guns here mommy? Is that too pointed? Don't want to be cruel.
Another wave crashes. My tummy...funerals are such bull shit. Cut, snip, cut...embalm.
Like there is anything to pity. They're gone, forever. Now it's you and your friend the cadaver. Sleep...sleep.
Too beautiful. I feel as if she's faceless, just like me. Carrie says I should always try, but...I don't have the balls. Is she faceless? So beautiful, so pale.
Okay, as for men being penil, he takes the cake. PENIS! He wonders why I have an attitude, he interupted my learning. I'm to be happy...grmf.
I think she is the one I dream of. Still I search. And she in front, so like Evie. Evie I weep for. And my beloved Anatomy. I hate school. With a vengence. I have so much passion, my hated becomes my passion. I am force breast fed, forced to suckle their evil. Then to pretend I ENJOY it. Oh my faceless one...
My everlasting love,
Beloved
Dear,
Faceless. Vomit. Out minuteness is on the brink of destroying me. I feel sickened. He has gone. For forever? I do not know. It hurts. Bile in my throat. Who is to be my defender? His sister should destroy me should I leave him, but who will save me? Anger! James O'Barr. he is the only one who heals. The black, on black, on white. The drama face, the comedic face. Mayhaps someday in full make-up. Full dress. A black bodice, two pairs of pleather pants. Black, red, black. He was so beautiful in fishnet. Like an angel. So beautiful. Hairless, all an illusion. beautiful. He'd have black velveteen wings. I remember sleeping on a Sunday in the nude. He cupped my breast in his hand as we slept. He loved me then, where did it go? It's not the sex I miss. It's him. "She used to hug you so hard your ribs hurt. You were the luckiest man alive, weren't you Eric?" I always have, always. I would never swueeze less. I would never let go if it was up to me. He wants to leave. I have to, but I do not want to let him go. Tears, vomit, but ashes now. All have dried. San, no water is left. I am weak. I am sick, I am famished. I am frustrated, distraught. Mourning becomes me. Sadness comes in strides. Should I weep? What can tears do for my heart and soul but make them damn? It is not fit. Do I write 'til I collapse or until my pen does it for me? I think I shall me before neither.
Beloved,
Faceless youth
My Dear,
I know, mea culpa! Yes I feared you. Yes I love you. You walk in my dreams with me, you walk by day with me. Are you the likes of so many? You listen to all I say. You kissed my own lips, left black stains upon mine white hand.
Oh beautiful lovers, oh beautiful friends. You who holds holds my head, my heart in sleep. I feel I should ask you your whereabouts and how you have fared. Is that a logical question to ask a mortal beloved?
I have fared well. I saw and touched Gen. I am more so than overwhelmed. I believe she has brought out a domimatrix in me. I the subservient, I the masochist wishes to rule. To crush under my thumb. To have my boots licked and to put men in their place. how poetic.
I love Shenoa. She has formed a deep cavern in my heart and soul. Yet I want her not for myself. It is Paul or Kevin I feel she needs. I wish to meet Paul. To meet the male she does so esteem. The male...
What happens when a lesbian turns straight?
Sometimes I wonder if I do not esteem you, the unknown, above Kyle. He who I have given myself to wholy. Even my soul. Yes, heart, body, AND soul. Would I now give myself to others? Shenoa should be the only I could be truly comfortable with.
Do you realize I've lost my connection to Laura? Yes, I feel as though there is something broken between us. As if my flightiness has been my downfall. She who clings so to the earth, and I who wish to fly.
Oh scream, vomit. I have such a horrendous cough. It makes me angry. A sneeze, a cough, throat aches, head aches, don't forget about aching teeth...Yes my beauty, I feel as though mine fades. How I need rest, yet school talks to me. Oh how I thus feel Laura's pain...our friendship runs nearly a year now. I must make her aware of the upcoming anniversary. As thus do I need to make Micheal aware of the end of our third year together. I the dramatic, he the young. How beautiful he is. Someday will we meet. I miss him as I write. I do so need to call him.
FLUTTERBY! Yes, two pink perched a back near barren trees. How lovely. Oh how now I must leave. I love you as you have loved me.
Faceless Beauty
- my Emily
previous thoughts of the day
Saga of Solitude
Excerpts From Old Diaries
Letters
on Who I Am and Vulnerability
Hate Poetry
50th Thought Special!!!
Hands
Role Reversal... by Emily
The Collective Mind
Primal... by Elkantar
Brad #11
Crush
Thought of My Day... by Elkantar
excerpts from my dissertation on life
Knee-high, Leather, 6 inch Heels
Jesus
I'm doubting everything lately... rohandor
Pride noiraranea
"I am woman" dollpini
the Dream Train
excerpts
I Do Not Want This... by Trent
There once was a little girl... 2 (y'all better read this one...)
Everything
Thank You
Wrestling Woman Inards
School and Psychoanalysis...
Vengeance!!!
Brandon
listening to Bush and feeling sassy...
There once was a little girl.... 1
I want to believe
Timing by rohandor
...for you have left your first love.
On Love
the Mystical, Magical Land of Algebra2
Something Wicked This Way Comes
What does one do?
Cold Sweat Nightmares
Hate Me
Personal Inventory by Dollphini
First Contact, with Kyle
:::whispers::: Lime-Green Elephant
"They say that sex between two people who really hate each other..."
Boys are Yucky
What happens if we all fall down?
Vegas
BluesMan84
Politics and Wealth
The Nature of God
The Nature of Man
Beauty
Only the Good Die Young by Dollphini
Ode to Shawn
poetry
short stories and other literary works
about me
links
© 1998 UrielsPoet@aol.com
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