my little christian girl kissed me! i have longed for friends whose cheeks i could kiss for such an incredibly long time that it is a fire in my belly, and now perhaps i think i have quenched it. or she has. yes, my little mexican girlie faerie goddess girl, you can kiss carrie and you can kiss me.
i thought for hours about how to tell her that i am getting married and i am not settling. my slinkster-cool angel babe is paying me $35,000 a year to be his whore, his bed-warmer, his cooker of dinners, his poet and philosopher, and his wife.
i thought for hours about how to tell her that i am getting married and not settling. my slinkster-cool angel babe (i'll never be as slinkster-cool as he is) broke me and now i think he's the only one to put me back together. you see, he put me back together once before. he's given me the best things of my life for the past two years, and he's given me by far the worst and the ugliest. he thinks that he can make me beautiful and i find myself proudly displaying my pudge for him at times (oh, the shame! :::blushes at the thought of flaunting for him in her mind and in mirrors:::).
you see, he is what i want. really.
he has taught me everything that i know about the world, and given me morals and hope and beauty and pride and wonder and belief in myself and all of this amazing amazement that i have never had before. i can never go back to before my slinkster-cool angel babe. he's the only one i trust.
and so, i am not settling, but securing myself in the knowledge that i will be safe, there, with my slinkster-cool angel babe life and all of my other lives and my creativity and my college choice and my pudge (hopefully more of it) and my yoga and my vegetarianism and my best friendship there in my house and in my bed to hold me and let me kiss him. or i'll let him kiss me.
i still have two years to romp, and i will, and then my slinkster-cool angel babe will wait for my grownup self and greet me gently into his arms (the rest of my life... (but it was the rest of her life that she was worried about...))...
- fallen
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