For my Lonely
You say that you want to know me, but you will never know me. I am Raphael deMontag, the seventeen year old poetry writing tuba playing boot wearing long black haired six foot male with Damien for a middle name. I am Raphael, the lonely goth singer boy who spends hours at the piano and gets drug to strip clubs by Seraiah. I am Seraiah who has no last name. I am small wearing faerie garb and wings and feathers in my long red curly hair and bells on my toes and jewlerey and I seduce boys. I am Laura Marie, the bisexual lost little girl who sits at school all day and snarls at people who walk by. John and I fought until 1:30 in the morning because he doesn't know me well enough to want me, but his lonliness wants me and you call yourself Lonely. I want to write a song for you. I want to scream at you and yell at you and make you love yourself. I want to help you, like I have helped all of the others, but I am so tierd and who wants to help me?
You say that you want to know me, but no one will ever know me. I am the unknowable, the untouchable, the Ghost. I wrote a whole series of poems and stories under the name Ghost before my mother couldn't say no to her mother and let the old woman throw all of my writing out. Sometimes I just feel so fucking alone that I need someone to touch me more than I have ever needed anything before I got so fucking alone. I need someone to touch me to make me real, because I can touch myself and I can touch everything else, but I can't affect anything. That is my terror, my terrible burning desire, I want to know that when I die I will have done some good for the world. I want to go out doing something wonderful. I WANT TO BE A MARTYR. I DON'T WANT TO BE A GHOST ANYMORE. WILL SOMEONE OUT THERE TOUCH ME? WILL SOMEONE OUT THERE MAKE ME REAL? DO YOU THINK THAT YOU, LITTLE LESBIAN CHEAP GIRL, STUPID GIRL, LONELY GIRL, DO YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN MAKE ME REAL? YOU MAKE ME SO FUCKING MAD, WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO MOPE AROUND ALL DAY AND HATE YOURSELF? WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TO MAKE YOU SO FUCKING REAL? WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO BE ANGRY AND LONELY ALL THE TIME? WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE? SOMEONE MAKE ME FUCKING REAL I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE I CAN'T....
I CAN'T...
CAN'T....
i can't...
shhh......
little lonely girl, i know you. little lonely girl, i feel you. little lonely girl, do you think that you will make me real?
-your
fallen
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