Her Words
I walk out of my house, with my brown curly hair that is impossible to
contain in a baret that holds half of my hair up. I do my best to look
decent, but I feel ugly. I walk down the street, I feel a hundred eyes
looking at my torn jeans and my button down shirt that says Sal on the left
side above the pocket, it is dirty and a little torn at the armpits. I
haven't shaved in weeks and my hair pokes out of the hole in my shirt and in
my jeans. No wonder no one thinks that I am pretty. I walk into the
convience store that is just around the block, the store owner eyes me and
then smiles, "Hi Kaitlyn, what do you need today?" I just mumble and walk
past him. I look around the store for anything that will jump out at me. I
shove my hands in the pockets in my jeans and finger the 10 dollars and 64
cents that I have to my name. "Try some exotic flavor, like pistacio and
coffee, or new york cheesecake" her words echo in my thoughts. I look for
the ice cream, the "forbidden" stuff, and cannot find it. I walk over the
owner and mumble "where is your ice cream?" he points a long finger in the
direction of the freezer that I had not even looked at. I stumble over
there and I look at all the names that reach out to me, brownie fudge,
rasberry swirl, monkey surprise, grape jump, and coffee bean. Which do I
choose? I look at the price, I can afford 3 of these flavors. I choose
coffee bean, monkey surprise, and brownie fudge, I am a suker for chocolate.
I walk over to the owner and hand him the ice cream, he looks at me
stunned for a second, "do your parents know about this?". I look down at my
feet, "Don't tell them... please?" I whisper. He sighs, rings up two of
the three things of ice cream, puts all three into the bag, and he threw in
a plastic spoon. I thank him, and I run out the door. I feel like a
fugitive. I have it, the stuff, the drug that will link me to the rest of
the world. I walk around for awhile, I look down and notice a brown colored
liquid dripping out of the bag, it melted. I run home as fast as possible
and shove it into the freezer, my parents won't be home for awhile. I turn
on the computer to find that she has written to me to ask me questions, ask
me if I can succeed and get to know her. I start to cry. I want to be good
enough to help her. I go up to my room and I sit and do nothing. I walk
downstairs and go to the freezer, the ice cream is not there, who could have
taken it? I look around, no one is there, I start to freak out, what if I
get caught? I look again and find that I had strategically placed it in the
back so that if they came home no one would see it. It has hardened up a
little, so I take the bag and I walk out the door. I run to the nearest
park, which is only down the street, and find a place to hide. As soon as I
have made myself comfortable I open the fudge brownie and start to eat it.
It tastes so forgein, but I cannot put it down. I eat a little of all three
and then I sit there for a few more hours until each and every melted drop
has be eaten. I fee fat, but man, I feel good. I want to get up, but I am
stuck to the spot that was the place of my deception. I force myself to get
up, it is getting dark and I do not want to get into trouble. "Find someone
who needs a hug and give it to them. Someone who looks lonely at school, or
someone walking along the road with a frown on their face. Go hug someone.
That's an order, not a request." her words run through my head again. I
start to walk home, the feel of lathargy comes on strong. I sit down on a
park bench, there is someone already sitting there, but I sit on the other
side. I hear her voice again, "That's an order, not a request." I look
over at the person, his eyes are downcast and he looks as though he has not
eaten in days. I suddenly feel guilty about my earlier indulgence. I ask
him what his name is, and he politely ignores me. "Hey, sir, can I give you
a hug?" I mumble. he looks at me, startled. "um, yeah" he says with a
smile. I lean over and hug him. I feel his bones in my arms. His arms
wrap around me like they are searching for any warmth I am able to offer to
him. I do not want to let go, I am getting to this person. "What is your
name?" I ask. "Paul" is all he says. I pull away. "How did you get like
this?" I ask him, but insist that he does not have to answer the question.
He answers the question so elequently that it is impossible to think that
such a person is really homeless. I reach into my pocket and offer him the
4 dollars or so that I still has left from my earlier crime. He denies it,
but I insist and he takes it. I walk with him to the convience store I was
at earlier and he buys some water and some bread. Enough to live for a week
he says. I cry. I realize that I am really late, and that my parents are
going to be furious. I tell him not to worry that I will pray for him and
he smiles and asks for another hug. I reach over and hug his body again,
this time feeling a serge of energy run through our bodies. I run home,
promising to meet him at the same place again soon. I run into the house
and no one is around. Then I look into my parents bedroom and they are both
watching TV. I wait for the screams, but they don't even seem to care where
I was. It is 7 o'clock and they do not even care that I just walked through
the door. I walk in and see that they are watching some show they watch
every Tuesday night and I close the door behind me. I run out my door again
and run all the way to the park. He is there and he looks happy to see me.
I sit down and we talk. He tells me stories of near and far, of lost loves
and found happiness. I cry with him and laugh with him. I tell him about
her, and he says that I need to trust myslef and that the rest will come in
time. I sit and talk to him for hours. We hold each other, "I want
someone to make me real" there are her words again. Is he making me real so
that I can make her real? I hope so. I sit with him until my watch says
10:55 and I tell him that I will see him again tomorrow. He says that he
does not know where he will be tomorrow. I write my phone number on his hand
in the sharpie that I always carry in my pocket. Tell him to call me
whenever he needs a friend. I reach over to hug him again and he presses
his body so close to me. "I do not even know your name" he says to me. "I
am Kaitlyn" I whisper. "My wifes name was Kiatlyn" he says back and a tear
reaches his eye as he thinks about his lost loved one. I hug him again. I
never want to let him go. He kisses me on the mouth and tells me that I
have changed his life. I go weak in the knees, someone actually likes me.
I walk away and run to my house. Everyone is asleep. I lay down on my
blankets and think. I want to help her, I am going to fall, I can and I
will. I will make it to the bottom. I will. She has to feel the way I just
did. I realize that I had not cried much that day because I had given into
things that had kept me from my real world. I am suddenly furious at my
parents. They never loved me, but I feel loved now. The phone rings and
startles me. I pick it up, "Hello?" nothing on the other end. My mom
picks up the phone, grogy with sleep, "Kaitlyn! Who is on the phone?!" "I
don't know mom" I answer I hear a small voice, "It is me, Paul" "Who?" my
mom snaps. "Um... nevermind" the line goes dead. I hang up my phone and
wonder why he called. Did he need something? I run out my door and go to
the park, he is not there. I feel lost, where was he? I run around to all
the places we were, and finally I go to the convience store. He is sitting
on the cold cement, his legs curled up under him. He is sleeping. I wake
him. "Paul?" He stirs and looks at me with tears in his eyes, " I needed a
hug" I wrap my arms around him. A hear a bus in the distance, "I am
getting on that" He whispers. Somehow I knew that when I heard the bus. I
pull away. "I love you" he whispers. "I know I say, and I want to love you
too, but I am not sure that I know what love is" He frowns and stands up.
He walks to the bus stop, the bus isn't there yet. I hug him again and feel
the vibrations that he gives off. "Paul?" "Yes Kaitlyn" "I... um... I...
well I love you" tears are gushing down my face. I will never hear from
him again. This is it. He pulls me close again and tells me to be safe and
to get through to her. I close my eyes and stay in the warmth that he gives
me. He gets on the bus and I watch as the bus pulls away. My eyes locked
on his the entire time. I walk home. I cry. I close my eyes and go to
sleep. Will I get through to her before it is too late and I lose her too?
-your
my lonely
previous thoughts of the day
ARCHIVES
poetry
omnipotent eulogy
short stories and other literary works
about me
tuba town
links
© 1998 UrielsPoet@aol.com
Get your own Free Home Page