thoughts of the day

.......the catch-up thoughts...........

the catch-up thought

It is June 18, 2000. This is the catch-up thought.
I cut my hair. I got glasses. I have a job. I work at Pfaltzgraff, in the mall. We sell dishes. I carry the 50 lb, 20 pieces sets about the store and orange two shelves worth of glasses on one shelf of space. The people who I work with are very nice, though. I think I'll like it. I get $6.75 and hour when I was expecting less than six, so I dig it. It's easy, non-stress, just feet hurting.
I'm going to L.A. in a few days. Ha ha, what fun. Matt, Derek, and I are going to stay with Matt's aunt Titi. We're going to spend days at the beach and nights at the clubs. I miss my cousin Jason. He lived in Cali, but was transfered to New York. Lucky him.
I have a steady. We get along alright. It feels like something is missing, though. T doesn't write poetry and doesn't play any musical instruments. The sex is getting better. I'm allergic to latex, so we bought the avantis and things instantly improved. We had sex in the park. There were a bunch of drunks across the way, I wasn't wearing my glasses so I didn't think that they could see, but when we stopped, they clapped for us. Recieving applause. I want to remember this. I journaled.
Reading old journal entries is depressing, enthralling.
Argh. I'm worried about a stranded friend in Denver. In a few weeks, I am going to have to drive up there and bring him back. I will, I think that I can convince him to come home. Anyone in the Vegas area want to drive with me up to Denver? I don't know if I'll be able to drive all that way alone. I don't want to stop. I think that I could do it... Argh, I don't know.
I have found stars in unlikely places... Not much poetry, lately, but I'm trying. T takes it all out of me.

A lot of updates... I've been sitting in front of this contemptable machine all day writing html. It's not much fun, especially when I loose things because the computer stalls or yahoo/geocities screws up. But check out the poetry areas, things are getting stirred up.

Damn the lot of you. I haven't once gotten a submission for this website. Damn all of you.

i think i'm in love, but reading that old journal... i was in love with them, too, all of them.
fuck.
we bordered on prose. t rambled with me for a while... i was sleepy... i miss prose. whenever i use it, t asks me if i'm that out of it. i say no, that i just like to be surreal. t tried, though, last night... it makes me ache.
i was reading l's poetry. that makes me ache. so intense, still, emails dated from april, that was so long ago, but not. it's hard to believe. i'm going to L.A.
"Still waters run deep,"
t says.
i tell myself that Rewards come to Those who Wait, and that is getting me through to the end, i think. i think i'll get to the end, because we have progressed, haven't we? we're so comfortable, and i think that we're so in love...
i ache. i'm done.
there's a hole in me.

This little glimpse of me was brought to you by a lonely creature in Vegas waiting for some fucking comments or submissions. What do you think all of the mailto links are for?

- raphael

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