Jokes

The Marathon

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work.
One
day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her
husband's
car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your
clothes

and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"

Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window!
It's

raining like hell out there."

Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of
us!"

So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed
outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he
started

running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying
his
clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having
the
air blow over your skin while you are running."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on
your
arm?"

Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the
end of the run and get in my car to go home."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."


Decisions_____

The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told
 by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His
 choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10
 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At
night,

 the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his
 employees he would lay off.

 Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be
the

 one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of
the
 two employees to arrive. At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got
 a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to lay you or Jack
 off." "Oh, jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."