NORTHEASERN'S BEST PICKUP LINES



1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.



2. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell I

   just met the girl of my dreams.

    OR:

   I want to call your mother and thank her.



3. Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the

   stars and put it in your eyes? [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they

   say "yes."]



4. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.



5. Would you be my love buffet?  So I can lay you out on the table and

   take what I want?



6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did

   anyway.



7. The word of the day is "legs."  Let's go back to my place and spread

   the word.



8. Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?



9. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor

   tomorrow morning.



10. My name's [your name].  That's so you know what to scream.



11. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."



12. Nice shoes.  Wanna fuck?



13. Can I flirt with you?



14. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of

    buns.



15. [Look at his/her shirt label.  When they say, "What are you doing?":]

    Checking to see if you were made in heaven.

     OR:

    Checking to see if you're the right size.



16. All those curves, and me with no brakes.



17. If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?



18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?



19. I like every bone in your body, especially mine.



20. [Grab his/her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?



21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?



22. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.



23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.



24. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?



25. Do you know what'd look good on you?  Me.



26. I miss my teddy bear.  Would you sleep with me?



27. So...  How am I doin'?



28. How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet

     clothes?



29. [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.



30. The first time is always the hardest.



31. Excuse me, are you on the pill?



32. Hi there.  Do you swallow?



33. Wow!  Are those real?



34. Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?



35. Nice dress/pants, can I talk you out of it?



36. Wanna fuck like bunnies?



37. Bond.  James Bond.



38. Forget that!  Playing doctor is for kids!  Let's play gynecologist.



39. Wanna play carnival?  That's where you sit on my face and I try to 

     guess your weight.



40. Sex is a killer...want to die happy?



41. I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name 

     was included.



42. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see 

     a pretty girl smile.  So, would you smile for me?



43. So, do you wanna see something really swell?



44. I had sex with someone last night.  Was that you?



45. Do you take it up the ass?



46. Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?



47. Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in you?

    Uh...no....

    Well, do you want some?



48. What would you do if I kissed you right now?



49. Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was 

     wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?



50. Hi, do you know why you should masturbate with *these* two fingers?

     (holding up any two)

    Obvious reply: No, why?

    Because they're mine.



51. I'm drunk.



52. Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?



53. I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!



54. You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears 

    someone beat me to it.



55. Ever tried those weird prickly condoms? 



56. Hey, somebody farted.  Let's get out of here.



57. You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.



58. Do you sleep on your stomach?

    No.

    Can I?



59. Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?



60. Pull my finger.



61. Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight between us.



62. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

 

63. Do you wanna go out for a pizza and a fuck?

    What, don't you like pizza?




64. Your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas.

    Can I come between the holidays?



65. (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one 

    finger, imagine what  I could do with my whole hand.



66. Your underwear must be made out of Windex, because I can see myself

    in them tonight.                                      



67. They say love is a many splendored thing.  Let's make some and find out...



68. Hi.  I go down on the first date...how about you?



69. Hi, what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?



70. To a woman: Hey baby, can i tickle your belly from the inside?



71. Do you like apples? [Yes] How 'bout I take ya home and fuck the shit out

    of ya, how'd ya like dem apples?



72. Excuse me.  Do you wanna fuck or should I apologize?



73.  Hi! Can I buy you a car?



74. Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?



75. I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your 

    ass when I'm finished.



76. Will you marry me and have my children? 

    (unfortunate side-effects: beware!) 



77. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak 

    heart. 



78. I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!



79. Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.



80. Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?





(Mail additions to pa_zrb@splinter.coe.neu.edu)



Thanks to Zach Bolinger (pa_zrb@meceng.coe.neu.edu) for sending

this to me!

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