Comprehending Engineers, --Take One
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been
waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a
word with him."
[dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a
group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for
free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30
years, he happily retired. Several years later the company
contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were
having with one of their multi-million dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine
to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the
past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a
small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and
stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons,
Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run
a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
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"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."
----- S. Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get some work done."
From 12 to 15 she's like africa, virgin and unexplored.
From 16 to 30 she's like Asia, hot and exotic.
From 31 to 55 she's like America, fully explored and free with her
resources.
From 56 to 70 she's like Europe, exhausted but still has points of
interest.
From 71 on, she's like Australia, everybody knows it's down there,
but nobody gives a damn!