OPINION

04/14/2002

I just finished watching a movie that made me start thinking about a few things I usually ignore or block away. What do I really want out of this life. Yes, its a deep question that I usually shrug off or come up with a simple answer for. There is no simple answer and my answer is unique to the billions of people in the world. What's the path of greatest harmony? The road that reassures you through the hard times and gives you absolute joy during the good times? The road of least resistence? Personally, I've had the answer since I was a kid. Growing up, adolescence, alcohol have all pulled and twisted my brain into believing otherwise. Its as if inside me, there are layers of who I am. The layers start at my heart and work out towards my skin. Each layer has its own thickness. From my heart until only a few millimeters from the skin there is my real character, who I am, who I want to be, who I will be. The outer 2 or 3 millimeters are the here and now. This layer changes as the surroundings change. As a kid it was hardly there. I really didn't know much about the world, society, war, peace, girls, bars, cars, and so on. There was no need to have much of an outer layer. The only problem is that as a child I didn't understand what was inside me. I needed to grow up and experience many things before I knew what was inside. Many times over the years that outer layer has gotten to strong and thick. Instead of embracing what's inside I embraced teh otuside, the hear and now, come and go, move to the beat, roll with the punches, take what I could get. Every now and then, that outer layer broke down for any number of reasons. I saw a good show, had little sleep, watched a loved one suffer, opened my heart to a girl, saw the beauty of the world, met a friendly stranger, and so on. See, no matter how thick those few millimeters got, they always could be broken down by the simplest things in life. Yet, no matter how the outside layer fluctuated, the inside remained at a constant state. It was always there, and always will be. I don't believe it could ever totally disappear. I suppose, if life's small nuonces didn't break that outer shell, then it could become so thick that I wouldn't ever see inside me.

What's this all mean? Will those outer shells always be there? Is there a way to live just from the inside? Yes and no. I can live from the inside but new experiences will sometimes add on a new shell or layer. I have to live life fully. Yes a cliche, but a great one. There are dreams that I have had for years, and dreams I think up while brushing my teeth in teh morning or driving to work in the car. When an opportunity is given to me I should take it. If I follow my heart, then no matter how bad my life is financially, socially, or otherwise, it won't matter. If I follow my heart, the path of greatest harmony, I'll be reassured during the hard times and absolutely joyful during the good times that the decisions I make small and big are the right ones.

...Ev
Evan Lowery