Utah & Mormon Jokes

*Utah State Residency Eligibility Test*

(Note! I DO NOT live in Utah!)

You must able able to answer YES to three or more of the following questions to qualify for permanent residency in the state of Utah. Failure to do so qualifies you as a temporary resident only.

• Do you have a bumper sticker that says "Families are forever"?
• Was the mother of the bride pregnant at your wedding?
• When you shop on Sunday, do you post date your checks?
• Does your father-in-law think that Ronald Reagan was a liberal?
• Does your mother have purple plastic grapes in her attic?
• Were you an uncle or aunt before the age of three?
• Do you wonder why the truck driver honks at you when you are driving 35 miles per hour in the left lane?
• Do you have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times?
• Do you consider peanut butter on the seats of your car an accessory?
• Do you consider "dam" a swear word?
• Does your family consider a trip[ to McDonald's as a night out?
• Is there anyone in your family looking for a Paul Dunn trading card?
• Do you believe that you have to be over eighteen to order coffee in a cafe?
• Are at least two or more of your salads bowls at your neighbors' houses?
• Do you think that Jack Daniel is a country Western singer?
• Is your first major investment your house and your second diapers?
• Do you consider your Temple recommend a credit reference?
• Was your first child conceived on your honeymoon?
• Do you have this insatiable desire to arrive at meetings five minutes late?
• Does a statement of your ancestry include "and he/she is from the second wife?"
• When your ward basketball team plays, is there a similarity between the game and the Los Angeles Riots?
• Can you make fruit salad without the recipe?
• Do you bring home coke in a brown paper bag?
• Do you think LSD is LDS misspells?
• Do your children believe that deer hunting is a national holiday?
• Do you negotiate price at garage sales?
• Do you feel guilty when you watch Monday night football?
• When you take your family to a restaurant, have you asked for extra plates?
• In testimony meeting, have you heard someone talk about BYU football?
• Have you said to someone in the last week, "You have a sweet spirit?"
• Did you meet your spouse at BYU?

The pope died. So they got a new one. One day, the new pope got a phone call from the old pope.

"Well," said the old pope, "I have good news and I have bad news." The new pope asked for the good news first.

"The good news is that there is a heaven. The bad news is I'm calling from Salt Lake City."

Mormon Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many Mormons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Three. One the screw in the lightbulb and two to bring the refreshments.

Q: Version #2: How many Mormons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Ten. But only one will show up.

Q: How many Young Women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Five. One Young Women to screw it in, two to complain, one leader to make sure all the shorts are at the knee and one priesthood leader to make sure they do it all right.

Q: How many Bishops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, they'll call somebody else to do it.

Q: How many Westchester 1st Ward members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, but don't expect me to do it!

Q: How many leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, but don't expect it to be done until after 30 mintues of the meeting.

Q: Why do Mormon women stop having babies at 35?

A: Cause 36 is just to many!

Well.....that's all, if you have any please email me.

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