Why I Think Titanic Was The Dumbest Movie Ever Made
(After "Home for the Holidays" and "Mr. Wrong")
It has come to my attention that some of you feel like I over look the tragedy and I am an awful illiterate person because I don't care that some people died. Yes, I know its sad. But I don't sit around and cry about the bombings and the other trageties of the world and neither do you. Really, the reality is that Titanic was made for the money and not to show the world how terrible it was. If I was one who was on the Titanic, I would be extremely offended that some idiot would go make it into some porno-flick. People, please stop emailing me, it just makes you look even dumber. IT WAS JUST A MOVIE! If you find this so hurtful, you really really need some help.
1. Rose: She was played up as a sweet girl who never had any fun, but in reality, that wasn't the case. She was a self centered spoiled brat. Here she was going to be given this wonderful life, and she throws it all away. Everyone must understand that her living conditions were superior to the conditions of that time, where people were living in slums with not enough food to eat. She totally took that for granted. She had no respect for what people gave her, and she was far from realizing how lucky she was to have those things. All she did was whine about how miserable she was.
2. Jack: He was a poor gambler, and would contiune to be if he had lived. What made the story very unbelievable was the age difference between Rose and Jack. She looked about 25; he looked about 15. The two just didn't go together. It was sorta ridculous altogether, I can't believe anyone bought this stuff.
A lot of people can't understand why I can feel this way about this movie. I am a very big fan of English movies such as Sense and Sensibility, and even though they are set in different years, the morals and styles were very much the same. Back in those days, girls did not run around with guys like they do today. I just found it incredibly unrealistic because it was.
I personaly walked out of the theatre with dry eyes, thinking to myself "What was all this crying I heard about caused by?" This wasn't sad, you expected it to happen, and as my friend said "The best part of the movie was when Jack died." I hope you losers that have gone and wasted your well earned money can take a hint and stop supporting this thing! If your still not satisfied from what I have told you, here is a lovely little shortened version that will help you understand what I'm talking about! (Thank you Denise for providing me with this):
(Note: I did not write this, a friend sent me it and I am posting it on my site because I think it is very true and hilarous.)
A Shorter, Harsher Titanic!
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(Scene 1)
KATE WINSLET: Why, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?
KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named "Picasso." I am certain he will amount to nothing.
KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know this priceless painting will sink with the boat.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very pretty.
KATE: Thank you. So are you.
LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my "brooding" face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet.
KATE: While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until the boat sinks and people start dying.
WEASELLY FIANCE: Excuse me. I do not like you, Leonardo, even though you saved my fiancee's life. I am going to sneer at you and treat you like dirt because you're poor, and then I'll probably be physically abusive to my fiancee, and then, just to make sure the audience really hates me, and to make sure my character is entirely one-dimensional, perhaps I'll throw an elderly person into the water.
AUDIENCE: Boo! We hate you! Even though all real people have at least a few
admirable qualities, we have not been shown any of yours, and plus, you're
trying to come between Leonardo and Kate, and so therefore we hate you! Boo!
(Even though technically it is Leonardo who is coming between you and Kate.
But Leonardo is handsomer than you, even though he is only 13, so we are on
his side. Boo!)
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(Scene 2)
LEONARDO: I'm glad we snuck away like this so that you could cheat on your fiance.
KATE: So am I. Even though I am engaged to him and have made a commitment to marry him, that is no reason why you and I cannot climb into the backseat of a car and steam up the windows together. The fact that I am the heroine of the movie will no doubt help the cattle-like audience forgive me of this, though they would probably be VERY angry indeed if my fiance were to do the same thing to me.
AUDIENCE: Darn straight we would! Moo! We mean, Boo!
LEONARDO: I agree. First, I would like to draw you, though, so of course you have to take off your clothes.
KATE: But can a movie with five minutes of continuous nudity be at all successful in say, Provo, Utah, where the audiences might not stand for that sort of thing?
LEONARDO: I would be willing to bet that for the first three weeks the film is in release, every single showing at Wynnsong Theater in Provo will sell out.
NARRATOR: According to Wynnsong manager Matt Palmer, that is exactly what happened.
KATE: All right, then. (sound of clothes hitting the floor)
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(Scene 3)
FIRST MATE: Captain, we're about to hit an iceberg.
CAPTAIN: Great, I could use some ice for my drink. (sound of drinking)
ICEBERG: (hits boat)
FIRST MATE: That can't be good.
CAPTAIN: Bottoms up!
AUDIENCE: (silence)
FIRST MATE: That was irony, you fools.
AUDIENCE: Baa! Moo! Where's Leonardo?
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(Scene 4)
LEONARDO: I have been informed that this boat is sinking.
KATE: That is terrible.
LEONARDO: Would you like to engage in some more immoral-but-justified behavior?
KATE: Certainly.
WEASELLY FIANCE: (aside) I'm getting the raw end of the deal here. (To Leonardo): Listen, Leonardo, to cement my morally-dubious-yet-somehow-less- annoying-than-you personality, I am going to handcuff you to this pipe, here in a room that will soon be filling with water, due to the fact that we are sinking, which I believe has been mentioned previously.
LEONARDO: Why don't you just shoot me?
WEASELLY FIANCE: Because then you wouldn't be able to escape and save Kate from me. Of course, you're going to die anyway.
AUDIENCE: Don't spoil it for us! Boo!
LEONARDO: He's right, though. I am doomed.
AUDIENCE: Aww, look how cute he is when he's doomed.
WEASELLY FIANCE: I hate you people.
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(Scene 5)
150-YEAR-OLD-KATE: And that's when Leonardo rescued me from my evil fiance and helped me float on a board in the water. Of course, if it hadn't been for having to rescue HIM, I could have gotten on an actual lifeboat, and not frozen my legs nearly off. Anyway, he's pretty much dead now, and I'm well over a thousand years old, and who's making my supper? I need a bath. Turn down that Enya music, it's making my ears hurt. You kids today, with your loud music. Why, when I was - hey! Don't you walk away from me, Mr. Snooty- Patootie! I'd turn you over my knee, if I had one. I'll beat you in the head with this huge diamond! Come back here!
(Fade to black; roll credits; play Celine Dion song.)
A Great Page by Someone else on what they were really thinking!
