For years, I have been somewhat concerned about this new wave of sexual open-mindedness in people, especially in young women. Now don't get me wrong, I am not about to call anyone a slut, or imply that sex is something that should only be happening in a marriage. Sex is great, it feels good, it's fun and I highly recommend it.

 What worries me is the general lack of respect for it, and even more, the lack of respect for themselves and their bodies I see in so many people these days. A while ago, I was having dinner with some of my girlfriends and someone brought up the issue of abortion. There were six of us at that table and I was the only one who hadn't had one. Turns out that three of the girls had also had various STD's, and when I talk to pretty much any girl who's sexually active, they have all at a pregnancy scare or two.
 Four of the girls at dinner that night were girls who had had many sexual partners. They are girls who have been called names for it in the past. They are girls who like to bring different guys home every weekend. They repeatedly engage in unprotected sex, and after having known them for several years I realised that they have two things in common:

 1- They seem to take a certain pride in their promiscuity, like it gives them a certain amount of life experience and puts them a little higher up in the hierarchy that is the world of girls, almost seeming to imply that if you don't have as much sex, you are boring or frigid. They all say things like "I don't like using condoms because it deosn't feel as good" (To which I always reply "Well, I never f*cked anyone who was so good that it was worth dying for"), and they also like to imply that they "can't live" or "don't know what they'd DO" without sex.

 2- And this is the important bit; they all have issues with their respective fathers.

 Just for the record, let me point out again that I don't have a problem with someone having a lot of sex with a lot of different people, in fact I encourage it as long as you're doing what you're doing on your own terms (especially for girls), that you are being careful and smart about it, and that you don't agree to doing things you may not be ready for. Yeah, it's hard, but in the end it's worth it because you will walk away with not only a lot of experience and self-knowledge, but also with your health and your integrity intact.

 So, I took all my girlfriends and every new female aquaintance I made and divided them into two groups: Promiscuous and Regular. Note that this is mostly in Sweden where we talk fairly openly about sex, so you can figure out which group to put someone in pretty quickly.
 Then I started to subtly investigate their family relations. With the regular girls, I found nothing especially interesting, just all different kinds of families and relationships with parents.
 But with the Promiscuous girls, there was a common denominator: They all had some kind of issue with their dad. Every single one of them. I am talking about 30 or so girls.

 There were all sorts of situations, everything from the fairly common "broken home" where the dad just hadn't been around much, to very strict and controlling fathers of the Catholic persuasion, to serious accounts of abuse and incest. But none of them had what I'd call a healthy relationship with the father figure in their lives. NONE.

 So I figured that the explanation for their sexual behavior must lie in this. It's like, if the most important male figure in a girls life didn't measure up to the picture of a good father in one way or another, she must find another way of getting male attention, male affection. And the easiest way of getting that, even for just a short while, is by spreading your legs. And as for doing it without protection, well, what can I say, even in the 21st century someone can be perceived as boring or not sexually frivolous enough by saying "not without a condom". It's sad, but it's true.
 When my friends say things like "I think I have a bigger libido than other girls, I just have a great need for sex", I feel as though all she's doing is begging for attention.

 But here comes another interesting fact: I've begun to notice the same syndrome in men.
 With the women, it was a pretty easy thing to explain, they go for men to make up for the man they didn't have-sort of thing, but what about the boys, that straight boys who do the same thing, have lots of unprotected sex with a lot of girls? Sure, it's not talked about in the same way, and a guy who does this doesn't risk as much of his reputation the way a girl does, in fact, he'll probably be looked up to because of it.
 But I've started to look at the men I know, and at their relationships with their dads, and I see the same pattern forming...promiscuous men seem to usually have a problem with their dad. Not really the same kinds of problems as the girls, more of a feeling of not being good enough for their dads, dads who left, were controlling and aggressive, or just not very good at showing their love for their sons. And I guess that where sex is a way for a girl to get affection, it's a way for a guy to prove his manhood. To sort of prove to their dad (even though they probably never sat down and talked about the conquests of the son...) that they are just as much of a man as he is and that they're good enough to make women want them. That they are better than their dad.

 All I'm saying is that I think it's sad that people seem to be having sex for all the wrong reasons. I'd like to see some of them trying to figure themselves out and take a minute to think about why they do the things they do instead of just throwing themselves at anyone who wants them...

 My dad? My dad is a great daddy and a sweet husband to my mom. After 27 years of marriage he still serves her breakfast in bed every day. When me and my sister were born, he shared the parental leave with my mom and stayed home with us half of the time. He's always there for me when I need help, and he is and will always be who I compare my boyfriends to. He's awesome.

 I'm a Regular.