My Roommate Is Stupid

I really can't tell whether it's a case of really low IQ or just social inadequacy with this girl. You know what I mean don't you?Remember that person in high school who always had the best grades in EVERY class,and who would proudly tell you that they had studied for their history midterm until they fainted?I had a girl like that in my class and even though she did stellar in school, she couldn't talk...I mean she couldn't communicate with her peer group (OK,we were all a bunch of misfits,but still...),she had no clue as to what you can say and what you can't say.She was what I call 'socially stupid'.
But when it comes to my roommate,I just can't figure out what category she falls into.,because I don't know how she does in school.I suppose I could wait and write this when the semester is over but I feel I have to tell you about her now so that you know what it is that I'm dealing with here...

She's not a bad person,she's not mean.At least not to me,but she can come across as very impolite because of two things.
1-She is extremely insecure
2-She is totally self-absorbed
Every day she says something that leaves me gaping and staring at her with the look of a dead fish on my face, I just don't know how to deal with her.She probably thinks I'm the dumb one.
In the beginning I thought she had problems with her hearing because,well,she didn't hear me when I was talking to her.Now I know better,there is nothing wrong with her ears,it's just that she doesn't listen,the line is busy most of the time.Her world revolves around her,she doesn't have to listen to anyone else.It just takes a while to get through to her.
Many times,she'll be talking to me about something and I'll be listening.Then she falls silent and I change the subject and ask her about something else.She'll look at me for a while and her eyes...I can't describe it,they're EMPTY. There's nothing going on behind them.Then she'll start talking and I'll think she is going to answer my question,but she'll just go on about what she was talking about before.Sometimes she'll get back to me on my question like 5 or 10 minutes later and I won't even understand what the hell she's talking about.
Sometimes she asks me questions and I answer,unwillingly speaking slowly so she'll understand (remember that I am the foreigner here...).She'll ask me the same question the day after,or even a few hours after she asked it the first time.She just wasn't listening.
You can't commmunicate with this girl,talking to her is like talking to a stone wall.No response whatsoever. It's like her brain has to process everything people say very carefully and then get back to them, but whatever the subject was,it gets lost in there and then comes out wrong.And it's not like she can't understand what I'm saying because I'm Swedish either,I don't have much of an accent...

What takes up most of her time are two things:her appearance and boys.
It takes her an hour and a half to get ready every morning,and that doesn't include the shower.And it's not that she wears an awful lot of makeup either.Most of that time is spent blow-drying her hair.I don' get it.She has normal,long hair,nothing big or puffy,nothing special about it it but it takes her an hour to fix it.
I'm not saying that I don't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror,but if I've been there for more than twenty minutes,you'll see a remarkable difference in the way I look.And with her,you can't.
She has about seven or eight different guys calling her.Which is fine.I wish I had a lot of guys calling me.Nothing worng with being popular. But she has seven or eight different guys calling her plus her actual boyfriend.He's stupid too,but I'll get to that later.
They had been together for a year and a half when they split up last summer.The reason for that was,according to my roommate,that 'he treated me like shit'.I don't know exactly what that entails,but anyhow,they're kind of back together now.
He does have some kind of clue though...they argue all the time,I have never heard an entirely friendly conversation between the two of them, and he gives her chance after chance to break up with him and just tell him the truth but she lies and lies and lies. And she lies while I'm in the same room,knowing that I am aware of everything she's doing.Or maybe she doesn't understand that I know because she is so stupid.I don't know.
Some times I want to just walk over to them,or grab the telephone form here and go:you know what?She lies to you!She lies to other men about you,she has many guys calling her and I hear the conversations and they're not just friends,she sleeps with other guys too you know....
But of course,I'm not going to do that.But I want to!!I want to pull the rug out from under her feet!!!

Listening to the two of them talking is something that has to be experienced,it is...surreal...they'll be in our room.whispering so that I won't hear them.Our beds are like 4 ft apart,but there is a bookshelf in between the beds,so they probably think that because I can't see them,I can't hear them.
The following is a transcript of an actual conversation that took place a few nights ago.They had just spent the weekend together in L.A. and that night they had been to a party at her uncles house.RM for roommate,BF for boyfriend.
*the sound of him moving closer to her on the bed*
RM:No.Stop.
*silence**he moves again*
RM: Can I just go to sleep?
BF:Move in,my arm is hanging out.
RM:*sigh*
BF:Did you set the alarm clock?
RM:I have to call Gina.
BF:*a silent moment* I love you...
RM:OK... RM:Thanks for saying that.
BF:Saying what?
RM:That you liked the party...
BF: It was just,you know,a poll party (the uncle is running for council)
RM:*yawns*
BF:I'm hungry.
RM:Ew,you farted...
BF:No I didn't.
RM:You farted.Did you fart??
BF:*silent*
RM:I can't breathe.
BF:I'm sorry
RM: Seriously,I can't breathe...
BF:I'm sorry.
RM: *whispers* I can't breathe,get the spray...
BF:I'm sorry....
RM:The spray...
Then they just fell asleep.Maybe the turned unconscious from the fumes.By that time I was way under my cover, shaking with held back laughter.
I could go on to describing all the annoying things he does,like calling at three o'clock in the morning on a weeknight around midterms (I think he just doesn't understand that I can hear the phone from my bed too...),or try to describe the disgusting gargling noises he makes in the bathroom every morning.But this is about her,and the fact that she really is bothering me. It's not like I have something to point at either,and say 'you did this,I don't wanna live with you anymore'.
But all the little things,like the phonecalls in the middle of the night,the times she has sex with the BF in the bathroom,the fact that she has no respect for me or anyone else in this apartment (not even for herself by the looks of it),I just don't know how to talk to her about it,because I'm afraid she won't even understand what I mean.Or lie to me too.Which she probably already does.
Sometimes I can laugh at her,and she always makes for funny stories to tell my friends (I do a great impression of her voice),but most of the time I just wish she would move out so that I won't have to deal with her crap anymore.
Maybe I should just hire someone to kill her?;)

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