Monday, January 10, 2000, 1.14

A week ago I have started studying again. I don't know if that was a good idea. Everytime I am at the university, the feeling of depression returns. It's like there's a depressing atmosphere there.

Tomorrow, ********'s school starts again. No wait, I'm gonna say her name now... it's Michelle. She doesn't read this anyway, and besides, I only say good things about her so why would she bother? And another thing: there are millions of girls out there whose name is Michelle. Anyway, her school starts tomorrow, so starting tomorrow there's a chance that I'll see her. I'm actually looking forward to looking at every bus that passes by, just to see if she's on it.

She probably thinks that I hardly even remember her. After all, it's been more than a year since I heard her voice. But she's still on my mind the biggest part of the day.

1.22

Saturday, January 15, 2000, 1.13

My dad was yelling at me again last morning. Let's begin at the beginning: one of my walkmans has mysteriously vanished (luckily I have another one; I bought that one because the old one was broke, but now it's working again). So this morning I asked my dad if he had seen it, and then he began to ask me why I was always listening to music. He said that he thought I did it to escape from the real world. And he kept saying "maybe I'm an idiot, maybe it's just something that people your age do, but it just doesn't seem normal to me." And he said that I was tending towards autism, because I was listening to music all the time. And he also said that he was "concerned" about my cycling almost every night. He thinks that I can't deal with life, and that that's why I constantly listen to music and ride my bike and stuff. And in the middle of the "conversation," my mom felt the urgent need to say "yeah, and he never gets out of bed at 10 o'clock." I just needed to say this.

1.18

Monday, January 31, 2000, 1.07

Oh my god, I'm so sorry it has taken me such a long time to write again. It's just that I'm so busy. A month ago, I was bored stiff and had nothing to do all day, and now suddenly I have so many things to do. I like it better this way though. So, what have I got to say? Nothing, really. Well, our lovely cat is having something like a war outside with, so it seems, all the cats of the neighbourhood... it's really noisy.

Things aren't going so bad. I still don't know whether it was the right choice to go back to college, but at least it's better than doing nothing all day. And a very wonderful thing: my parents stopped waking me up at 10 a.m. So now at least I can sleep a little when I don't have to go to class.

I have a form to sign up for getting a room in the city. A negative thing is that people who already live in a student house are gonna have a talk with me when I sign up, and then they decide whether or not I can live with them. There's a positive thing about it though: I won't get into the same house as Michelle. For if she sees my name on the list, she'll just scream and tell everyone that I can get a room there, over her dead body.

And the last thing I have to say: I'm working on another homepage. I think I've mentioned some time that I hate the fact that the Dutch national soccer team has so many players from foreign leagues in it. Well, that's what this new homepage is about. I'll give you the URL as soon as I've "opened" it. Yeah, I have really big plans... like spreading flyers at the university and on the subway and stuff. I just wanna know how many people are with me. I know there are at least some who are with me, and now I really wanna know exactly how many.

1.20