Some Personal Thoughts.
No Title
I don't want to be the lover if you wont love me back--I don't want to be adored if you adore me--so get out--if i love you why wont you love me back...i don't wanna be the glue that's stuck to you i wanna be the paste that your hands touch..im not your slave im not your lover so what am i? Explain to me the confusion that you leave me in...if you love me tell me..never mind screw you i now know u..i see right through your games that you play.
I had no choice--i had to leave you-- the storm has come and taken me away from all reality...i am now happy..i have learned to love once again..come back..no..
Strange Friendship
Friends we have been for many years...
You have always helped and wiped away my tears
We talked on the phone every single night For hourse despite my parents disapproval
I listened to your constant complaints and worries and comforted you to the best of my ability and most of the time you returned the favor it was all going great such a friendship we shared i thought that nothing in this world could compare then one day you turned on me so fast I didn't know what had happened
We made up and then we would fight again so many times i stopped keeping track i would always call and apologize to you and you would hesitantly accept it
even though you were mostly to blame you turned it all around on me and now this past time i thought that you would understand me and we could talk it through but you blew me off saying "out with the old in with the new" this made me realize a lot about friendship mostly about ours I guess i was too blind to see that you were constantly using me now i know better and don't worry this time i will be the one to blow you off when you say try to say "I'm sorry"
Who would I be?
You turned my darkness into light you made everything seem alright you picked me up when i was down you turned my life right around if i didn't have you who would i be? a blessing is what you are to me when i needed you the most you were there even if it seemed you didn't care
when i think i could make it another day you chased all my doubts away
if i didn't have you, where would i be? a treasure is what you are to me the world is full of many people its true but there is only one of you
you fill my heart with love you're a God sent gift from up above if i didn't have you what would i be? an angel is what you are to me. Lost and alone I will no longer be. Because you are here with me there is no reason to be sad you've taken away all the bad if i didn't have you who would i be? a best friend is what you are to me.
Fear, Yes
Fear is one of the many things in life, I do not understand . Fear I do not but Fear yes itself it comes crashing in, unwanted no fear itself yes. Why is it here why is it caused for what purpose? "There is nothing to fear but fear itself" a great woman once said. It is man that we fear? it he the causer? So many unanswered questions, may or can the man answer? has love anything to do with it....yes we fear love. Love is hard to handle therefore fear, is more, do we fear the fear of love? Yes.
Blind Led Happiness
A person on the path being led blindly, does the person care no, why, the person is happy with her lover but she is blind. Foolish woman not a care in the world, she will learn soon enough. The man is taking her away from all reality, now she becomes aware, scared, the happiness is slowly fading away. She is trapped in a place where she does not belong, it is hot, wet, scary, no way out, she WILL die, she now sees but it is too late. she IS dying. there is no more happiness, she is crying..........She wakes up.
The Noise
The quiet right now sounds so good, but right now im hearing the noise--the noise is unbeleiveably irritating I say one positive word he says five negative words--can i get away from this noise? why am i not at peace, peace withmyself peace with him the unbeleiveable fighting the unbeleivable friendhsip, I want the quiet I want the friendship the two things i will never get...why must everything be so complicated--must learn to not listen yes thats right why should i listen and in reward indure pain no thats not the way things go... im not listening he is talking he may now be saying I love you..im not listening its his turn to listen to me.. its his turn to hear MY noise to him....SILENCE
Noooooooooo
It was a great day everything turning out exactly how i expected. BAM WHAM.....wh...wha....what happened?
everything comes crashing down everything falls apart the perfect peace i had the perfect everything i wanted GONE in the blink of an eye the breath of life. W....wh....why? what happened i will never know everything is g..go..gon...gone..how? why? NOOOOOOOO this can't be happening..all my life i have been waiting something like that is too precious to go away so quickly.....it's a dream....yes all a dream..i will wake up.......
IT----
NO the never--how could she--me? of all people no this isn't happening and because of me? yes no why did she ask me? why did she call---she is using me---this is ridiculous i cannot beleive i could be so selfish this is not me im someone else today im scared IT is not my property IT is not my concern IT is IT.
should i forget all about IT? HA--funny you that is not possible--is it possible that i love IT? ha--funny you i cannot love IT in that way or can i? NOOOO not again this is ridiulous i cannot i must be happy i have sum1 but no1 knows i have sum1 who loves me and he is not imaginary i am happy i am loved and i have found out how to love again---i will not be hurt i will hurt no1---no1 will hear about me or from me unless through my writing or my love--im now silent---------------------
Confused
When you start to like someone there are so many feelings confused and hurting the fear melts away with a single touch.
No matter how the world sees them, they have become everything to you, Staring deep into the eyes of eachothers soul you suddenly find an exceptional bond. Both able to say millions of things without a single breath We are consumbed by the rhythmic beating of each others individual hearts. Love is worth a million words and paper won't do justice It is a thing of the mind and a way of the heart.
All This
It's been a long time now longer than i would have liked i've had these feelings for a while trying to keep them inside with all my might
no one understands just exactly how i feel no words could ever express that my feelings are for real. The my dreams of you finally came true we danced all night as you looked into my eyes and held me so tight I felt safe in your arms I wanted the night to go on forever even though i knew it couldn't
but it did end in such pleasure I feel so stupid now you did this once before i should have seen it coming but i wish there was more You say you still wanna date or you may just be friends i'm not sure what is going on but I guess we will find out in the end. i still have these stong feelings how i wish you would be mine these feelings have not faded
After All This Time...
Who Is This Guy?
Who is this guy who takes up my time who takes up all the space in my mind Why is he there... why the fuck do i even care? i know what they do they've done it in the past should i let him do it again, yea y not im here hes here but the feelings are too. this scary shit is botherin me i thought it would never happen again but what's this it is..i like it i like the way he feels i like the way he speaks his mind. i don't ever want it to fade even if we arn't 1 if we are 2 i still want him there speakin his mind workin our fate..till the day we die oh shit wait..whats goin on in my head i don't know what i mean im so confused, am i being used? nah no way he would never do such a thing or would he is he usin me? i hope not cuz if he is his ass is mine and hes not going to be..here..nemore..will i miss him yes i will but im not thinking about that now..im not a phsyic or am i...to some i am to others im not..u can never see your own future its too complicated to unjust..whoa this shit makes no sense whatever...is that the only word i know..i can't just keep blowing this stuff off..rite rite rite...this is wack i dunno what im sayin i lost my train of though...im gonna bounce now so peace ...
I Knew It
at first i was mad, but now i am sad, i don't know what is going on, im so confused, these feelings inside, the strange feelings that i can't explain. i knew this would happen and i let it happen, i feel so small, so tiny compared to everyone else, not just in size or mind but in emotion. i can't help but to feel inferior and being inferior having to please eveyone. hes still around but its not the same, close people those who are there to listen those who are there to talk back, they tell me that it'll all be ok and that i have nothing to worry about, but how do they know my feelings how do they know what im thinking, they don't unless i tell them, is this me telling them, is this me crying out for attention, no not at all, this is just me speaking my mind working my own fate, trying to figure out whats going on inside my head. i never thought life could be so complicated, so confusing, this road to life has brought me to many different places, nearing the place of the devil while speaking to the angels, so confusing such an uneasy feeling. i sit at home some days just thinking writing trying to understand the answers to every question, the question of why, why did this happen to me? why didn't this happen to me, this may be confusing to some, to me it makes perfect sense. i knew it, and every moment that passes every word that i write I get Stronger, I get More Confidant, I can go on, I can make something out of my life, I knew I could do it someday, I wasn't ready in the past, but now I am, all I need is someone to come with me on the rest of my journey, Someone who cares about me, someone who I listen to Someone who listens back.
Found
iv found the person...the person who completes me..iv found the person who will help me along the way on my journey..this person makes me smile and laugh...as a best friend would do...but this person is more than a best friend i feel as if this person is my soul mate..or my significant other...i feel so strongly for this person but should i really let myself get carried away...no im strong and nothing is going to take my self pride away i have what iv wanted and now all i need to do is stay strong and let myself speak my own mind and not let other speak it for me. everything is perfect..i never want it to end and if by some chance it does..i hope we will meet in the future and spend the rest of our lives together...we will never be apart we will always stay best friends till the day we die...this person i found is perfect...after 16 years i found him.......
More comming soon.........