Well boys and girls... i think it's high time for a new start. I have lots of time on my hands, and I promised myself I'd put it to good use. inspite of that, i've decided to work on ye old website. The brilliance of a new day is apon us. and i'm ready to hit the Road....

so ummmm.... where have I been? well... i joined the worlds finest Navy in july... i'm going into the submarine electronics and computer field. i don't know specifically what that intails in the way of duties, if they have any brains it will be something that keeps me away from things that have a high BOOM potential. But if not, the way i see it, if someone has to destroy the world... why not me? other then that i've been working my balls off, so i can be debt free... or at the very least i've been milling around half assed in the attempt to become fiscally stable. whatever. The last month or so has been kind of a blurr, so the details are a little, unrecallable. Today i slept till two, sat around the crypt, and jeked off. at this moment I'm sitting in front of my computer with a jug of water, questionable wet spots on my shirt, and very smooth hands. anyhoo...

A funny thing happened to me on my way to the grave... i didn't get off work till like, one in the mourning friday, and i'd been working since, like, monday, so I came home FFFUCKING tired... that real, deep down, aching sorta tired... that 'goddamn i need a smoke' tired... 'been per·se·cuting christians all day and now i need a bubble bath' tired... As i approched the steps to my apartment a funny looking hairless mammel of some kind was on my stoop. I beleive it to have been a girl, but it's been so long since i've seen one up close it was hard to be sure. It was smoking, wait, "it", that doesn't work for me, for the sake of the story lets call "it": a Psycopathic Embryo Storage Terran, or P.E.S.T. for short. Right, the PEST was smoking and, I beleive, it spoke to me "dude, dude come here" PEST beconed "You shouldn't walk that way" PEST pointed past my apartment. "no problem, strange one, i've no intention of such a journey. I am home. I must mearly walk up these stairs, so if you'd be so kind to move you fleshy mound from my path" i smiled. "No, you don't understand, thier drug dealers over there," PEST was noticably drunk "the cops raided them but they flushed my thier shit so you know i cant' prove nothing. then they came over to my boyfriends house and said they'd fucking kill me if i fucking sold them out" I'm not kidding by the way, this actually happened "well, umm... ya, thanks for your worry, but... as i've said, my apartments right here soooo, bye..." i tryed to move around her, but she hindered my attempt. "dude, can you walk me back to my apartment, please... seriously, around the other side though, it's cool over here please, just over here" There are two things i really don't like about myself, first, i have very bad aim while peeing. second; when a memeber of the opposite sex asks me to do something my default setting is to comply... now this has led to some pretty interesting sexual positions, but mainly it leads to alot of rides, and bummed cigarettes. Oh... and i smell, i guess that makes three things i don't like about myself... right, so before i knew what was happening i was all the way around the back side of my complex and the PEST was blabbering on about something that has to do with her coke use. and the fact that someone is trying to kill her. funny how those two things fall so nicely together... milk and cookies, boy and girl, duck and water, mormans and satanic worship, cocain and murder. it's the american way really, like apple pie, or bru·tal·izing impoverished islamic nations. so we get to her door right, and this thing pounds it's way onto her pourch. I'm not saying this was the biggest guy i've ever seen, but he had to turn side ways to make it through the front door, sooooo big e-fucking-nough. "allo... i found this thing on my front pourch and i'm going door to door to see if anyone can identify it." me so funny! "YOU ... ARE GOING HOME!" he was pointing at the PEST, and looking at me in the way a gorrila looks at a much smaller gorrila standing between him and a truck full of bannanas. I thought this to be a good time for a tactical retreat "Ok... bye..." and like Daffy Duck running from the Abom·i·na·ble Snow-Man, i was out of there and well back to my apartment faster then you can say 'GUFFLEPHAMGEPPERSNOT'. I can't run very fast. Then i heard the call "hey wait, please, wait," i was doomed "pleas i'm so sorry but, please," she had begun to cry "I'm sorry but theres no one else around, please!" she was still holding her beer "you gotta help me please." her boy friend had come stomping around the corner like a rinocerous in ski-boots. "HEY" he snorted "YOU DON'T WANT ANY PEICE OF HER MAN!" oh, by the way, the PEST at this point had stratigically placed me between herself and her boyfriend, I felt like a long tailed cat at the battle of Waterloo. "IT'S TIME TO GO HOME!"... I had landed myself in quite the pickle, I looked back back into her tear filled eyes and felt i had little choice, there was only one thing a man can do in a situation like this... I started with a leaping side kick, landing my foot hard into his chest, then I followed up with a spinning round-house to the face, once he was down I turned, I grabed the girl by the arms, leaned her back and planted one hell of a tonguee kiss on her plump red... WAIT A MINUTE... oh ya, that's right, i didn't do any of that shit. I just side stepped the PEST and walked up to my apartment and locked the door behind me. i guess i'm not as tough as i knew i wasn't. theres a very important point to this story... ready... I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!!... and the moral, there comes a time in a mans life when he must swallow his fear and make a stand for what he believes is right... and on that night what i believed to be right was me laying on my couch watching Buffy and eating pizza with all my internal organs intact... it's not much of a morale... but uh... there you go.

It makes for a silly story but i really did care, her boyfriend was enormous and unfriendly but he did really seem to care about her. he was just trying to get her home before she did anything stupid... or rather, anything ELSE stupid I'd wager... oh and if i do end up seeing her face on a milk carton, well, you'll know why i took this entry down...

till next time...
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