TiMoTHY SeVeNTH

Rapture Pending....

Preemptive Mesure, STAGE-1



Captains log: Stardate 100101011010101-c The crew has been striken by some... [T] errible infliction. As far as we can.... Tell. Klingon saboteurs have poisned our water with... MDMA. A recreational drug from the late twentieth cent... ury.

El>Hey Tim... we've gotta meeting with the Omen. Lets get to the walk'n.

Captains log: Stardate Supplimental
The situation is worsening. I do not BE...leive us capable of defending ourselves if an ATT...ack from the kligons were to take place. My crew is IN... sad shape. Ohera won't stop flipping some kind of glowing stick. And spock keeps... LICKING everything. When I called down to engineering... SCOTTY told me to go FUCK myself.

El> Tim...
Tim> Must watch Star Trek... Kirk commands ME!
El> We don't have time. Lace up your boots man. We've business to attend to.
Tim> KIRK COMMANDS.
El> Stop fucking around Tim. We're doing important shit tonight, now turn off the fucking TV and lets motor.
Tim> But what if i miss something important?
El> You already missed everthing! This is like thirty years old!
Tim> If i haven't seen it it's new to me. Sides this is important shit. Conscence altering imaginative science fiction laced with thinly disguized liberal social commitary.

Kirk> Bones... Is there.. Anything we can do about spock?
Bones> Damn it Jim! I'm a roller not a proctologist!
Sulu> Captain... the ships sensors are picking up something, there seems to be a buldge in my pants.

Tim> OoooooK... we can go.

(*click* they walk... stuff happens... they get to Omens apartment, and find him laying about the couch watching Chekov dry hump a navigation computer.)

Omen> Funny... I don't remember this episode when this series was origanally aired.
Tim> lost episode. I guess they originally weren't allowed to show it on account of the communicator incident.
Omen> What incident?

Kirk> No! Spock put it down... Not there... PLEASE... NOOOOO!

Omen> Oh... That Incident.
El>Hey... I thought you'd never seen this episode before.
Tim> I lie because I hate you.
Omen> Right. (*click* TV goes off, impoverished asian children die of perventable deseise... doesn't have anything to do with the click... just wanted you to feel bad.) A raven flew to my window sill last night. I understood it to mean that dark times are ahead for us.
El>Ah, yes. The raven, you must be alluding to the old druidish supperstition of the black birds giving sign of evil to come.
Omen> That... and the little paper tied to it's feet with the words "THERE ARE DARK TIMES AHEAD FOR YOU" writen on it.
El> Purgatory really needs to invest in an e-mail server.
Tim> Silly Bird :)
Omen> I'm not as of yet certain what this will mean exactly. but I'll go out on a limb and say it has nothing to do with toast.
El>?
Omen> Just trying to narrow it down. What? it was kind of a vague worning wasn't it. Process of elimination, and one should always begin such things by ruling out brakefast stuffs.
El> I never came back to earth did I? I'm still in hell... huh?
Tim> I like birds :P
El> Did you have anything worth us coming all the way over here, or do you just take pleasure in making my brain hemerage?
Omen> No... and Yes
Tim> Guys... hate to cut this short but i've a vampyre's head drying in my kitchen i should attend to.
Omen> mmmm... sounds scrumpchous, can i have a slice when you done?
Tim> Sure. I do have to go though. Z said something about transfering his essence before it was to late... and i have a feeling he'll be all cranky if i wait to long and he's lost to the either.
Omen> cooo... Something bigs going down soon, so stay alert... and i'll give you a haller when i figure out whats up.
Tim> sounds like a plan O-bunny-slipper-wearing-one. I'm out.

(they leave, more stuff happens, cool stuff, stuff that's so neat and crucial to the story that i really should elaberate... so anyhoo. Back at Tim's)

Tim> My god Elguapo, can you beleive what just happened on the way home from Omen's?
El> Well Tim, it was pretty extrodinary. Some one should really write those advents down so as to keep alive their intence social relevance and meaning.
Tim> Quite so Guap... the story of our walk home could well change peoples lives for the better.
El> Here, Here Tim... it would be a travisty not to explore the meaning of these advents further.

(Yet still i keep them from you ;})
Tim> I need to check on Zanfy. i hope he hasn't gone all raisenette on me. He said somthing about me being able to move his being to another form right before he dies. I'm thinking something in a convertable.
El> did your mother smoke when she was pregnant?
Tim> Just opium laced with crack. Why?
El> ...

(Moments later in the kitchen... kitchen, if that's what one could call a room with a couple cabinets and a hotplate. Tim is sitting at a table. Infront of him is the head of a once feared european tyrant. He holds a scalple.)

Z> Now for christ sake be carefull when you cut into me... splice my essence and I'm fucked harder the your mother after happy hour.
Tim> you look like barbra walters before the botox...
Z> That hurts Tim... it really does... now slowly and carfully cut into my skull... slip your fingers into my mushy brain untill you feel something hard, and gently pull, a spider looking thing should come free in your hand... that's me ESSENCE. Place that into the head of my new body. You do have a new body for me... don't you Tim?
Tim> New body? uh... sure.
Z> YOU FORGOT THE NEW BODY!?!
Tim> dude... of course i remembered to get you a new bod... it's in the other room... or atleast it will be... once i figure out what the fuck your talking about.
Z>TIM!
Tim> don't get your panties in a bunch, i'll figure out something.
Z> I'm doomed.
Tim> positive thinking Z, have faith.
Z> In you? I have more confidence in John Wayne Gacey at a ronald mcdonald house camp out for young unsupervised boys...

(*slice*)

Z's Skull> Shink-spooogle
Tim> yah that sucks.

(Tim splices up Z's head like a pumpkin being carved by a parkinson's patient... hehe... sooo messy... he pushes deep into the splooshy brain matter located whithin the shrivled cranium of Zanferbach. His appendage emergies with a blackish metalic spider looking thingy, with a redish-purple glowing body. Z's Essence. Unfortunatly for them both Essencesss...essseszz have the shelf life of cottage cheese left out in direct sunlight on the planet mercury. Tim would have to think quickly!)

Tim> (looking even more confused then usual.) hmmm... mabe i should've put more thought into this.

WILL TIM FIND A NEW BODY IN TIME?

WILL ZANFERBACH BE DOOMED TO OBLIVION?

WILL THE OMEN DISCOVER WHAT HORRIBLE FATE BEFALLS OUR HEROS BEFORE IT'S TO LATE?

WILL CAPTAIN KIRK EVER MANAGE TO PRY SPOCKS COMMUNICATOR FROM HIS SPINCTER HOLE?

The answers to these questions and more on the next episode of...

TiMoTHY SeVeNTH... aND THe WoRLD oF ToMoRRoW