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(HIGH ABOVE THE DARK CITY STREETS. LERKS AN ACIENT EVIL. PERCHED ON THE LEDGE OF A BELL TOWER, A SOULLESS BLOOD SUCKER. HIS VICTIMS; MANY, HIS WICKEDNESS; GREAT, HIS PORTFOLIO; WELL MANAGED. FOR MORE THEN SIX CENTURIES HE HAS SURVIVED. FEEDING OFF THE LIVING. HE IS A ROMANTIC CREATURE, WITH A PERVERSE PLESURE, LONG BLACK HAIR, WELL KEPT AND SOFT. SKIN LIKE SNOW, EYES RED AS DEATH. HE STANDS NOBLE, PROUD, BLACK VELVET JAKET OVER A PUFFY WHITE SHIRT. TIGHT VINAL BLACK PANTS, THAT CAUSE HIM TO APEAR AS THOUGH HE WERE SMUGGLING BANANNAS IN HIS JOCKIES. HE KNOWS NO FEAR, HE IS ABOVE DEATH. CROSSES AND STAKES ARE NOTHING MORE THEN URBAN LEGENDS, HE IS IMPERVIOUS... SPELLS ARE WORTHLESS, HOLY WATER LAUGHFABLE. AND FIRE WILL HAVE NO EFFECT AGAINST HIS SKIN. A LOUISVILLE SLUGGER TO THE FACE, HOWEVER, WORKS WONDERS.)
VOICE FROM BEHIND> HEY LESTAT...
(THE VAMP SPINS AROUND IN GREAT FURY... VAMPYRES hate BEING CALLED LeSTAT!)
(THE HOMERUN SWING CONNECTS WITH THE BRIDGE OF THE VAMPY'S NOSE. CRIMSON FLUID EXPLODES FROM THE PLACE OF CONTACT. HE IS TEMPORARALY BLINDED, PIL.FERED LIFE FLUID spues OUT OF THE DEMONS FACE LIKE CANDY FROM A VERY SPOOKY PINJUATA,)
vAMP> whO DARES STRIKE THAT LORD ZANFERBACH!
(THE ONLY ANSWER THE STUNNED PLASMA SUCKER RECIEVES IS A SECOND CLUBBING BLOW TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD, SENDING HIM TO HIS KNEES, HE SLOWLY ROLLS HIS HEAD UPWARDS, TO GAZE AT HIS ATTACKER. AN UNASSUMING FIGURE, TALL, LANKY, COMBAT BOoTS AND VERY POORLY COMBED BLUE HAIR. HE RAISES THE BAT OVER HIS HEAD)
tIM> zANFERBACK! i like lestat better.
(the vamyre gurgles a grumble of anger)
zAni> it's a proud monicure from the old country. it means "Lord of black nights". it was bestode apon me many life times ago by the minions that worshiped me...
Tim> yeh that sucks...
(the two hemouspheres of the vampires skull part like the legs of a drunken morman girl.)
Tim> well that wasn't so hard... i thought these thingies were spose to be hard to kill
Zanferbach> uggg... i... not... *Gurgle*... dead yet, you pathetic, poor, peasant. when i get to my feet i will remove your wretched tongue, you are no doubt trebling in fear, (the vamp begins to wobble to his feet and forms a crooked smile.) save your pleas for forgiveness infidel, my regal ears rufuse to hear your words...
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Jenna> thanks for the movie walt, i had a really good time.
(walt lowers his eyes and blushes a little. he had worked in the cubicle across from hers for the last year. he had to listen to the entire set of "Tony smuckfaces' guide to confidence" tapes twice just to get the courage to ask her out. walt, {born walter p. stodlemire, he told people the "p." stood for paul, but in acuallity stood for piffleflop} wasn't what you would call a handsome man, or even a somewhat sorta cute guy. infact most would probably find themselves calling him "what the fuck happened to you". he'd never any luck with women. he never said the right thing. it always seemed like he always did the wrong thing. he just never could catch a break, untill now. everything about tonight went perfectly. he was charming. smart. funny. she giggled at everthing he said. they hated all the same movies. and had the same naste things to say about the other people they worked with. walt looked deeply into jenna's eyes. she looked beutiful under the lights out front of st mary's cathedral. she might have very well been the most stunningly gorgous thing walt had ever seen. now was the time. he slowly lowered his head toward hers. they both closed thier eyes. he parts his lips, and layed them squarely on her unsuspecting nostrils. she takes this in stride however. and slips her lips up to meet his. this is, with out a doubt, the very best moment of his entire life. then something unexpected happened. walts ears caught a strange sorta wistling noise... something that one doesn't hear everyday. he thought it sorta sounded like a six hundred year old vampyre, rocketing eight stories, face first, like a giant lawn dart, towards the hood of a baby blue nineteen eighty eight buick skylark. and, as fate would have it, that was exactly what it was.)
(the two stood there stunned. staring at the steaming wreckage that laid infront of them.. after what seemed an eternaty, thier attention was finally deverted, to the etrance of the cathedral. were a dark figure apeared, and strolled over to the disaster. climbing atop the now slightly dinged buick, and leaned down to the very dinged vampyre.)
Tim> can you hear me now?
(lord zan nodded slowly.)
Tim> Good!
(tim reaches down, picks up the severely fucked up zani, and tosses him up onto his shoulder and walks off in the opposite direction as the two lovers. who, now seperated, looked at each other somewhat uneasily.)
Thought walt> i wonder if this is going to lessen my chances at getting some tonight?
thought Jenna> I wonder if this is a good time to let him know i used to be a man?
(jenna smiled gentle at walt. as it turns out, this little falling dead guy thingy didn't interfere with the above mentioned getting some... and in the end. jenna decided to save that little tid bit of information till later. if there was one thing she knew about men it was this... they all take bad news better after a good round of humping.)