Hobbes: |
There's more to this world than just people, you
know. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, 105-2 |
|
Calvin: |
Why should I have to WORK for
everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it! |
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p142-1 |
|
Calvin: |
YAAH! DEATH TO OATMEAL! |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p36 |
|
Hobbes: |
I think animals are alway so cute. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p224-2 |
|
Bill Watterson: |
Newspaper editor sometimes seem to resent that they
have to run comics. Well, sometimes I resent being in their
newspapers. |
|
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book,
p204-1 |
|
Calvin: |
I'm going to paste Susie's pate with a slushball!
|
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p96 The Calvin and
Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p203 |
|
Hobbes: |
No sport is less organized than Calvinball! |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p229-3 The
Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p128-2 |
|
Calvin: |
SOOOOOSIE IS A BOOGER BRAAINN! |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, 69-2 The Calvin and
Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p187-2 |
|
Bill Watterson: |
I hope some historian will confirm that I was the
first cartoonist to use the word "booger" in a newspaper comic
strip. |
|
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p78-2
|
|
Calvin: |
I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.
|
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p169-1 The Calvin
and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p196-2 |
|
Calvin's father: |
I just KNOW some nurse switched the bassinets.
|
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p245-3 The
Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p107-1 |
|
Calvin: |
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to
know. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p235-2 The
Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p102-2 |
|
Moe: |
Hey, Twinky, want to see if there's an afterlife?
|
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p64 |
|
Calvin: |
Mission accomplished! A smoldering crater is all that
remains of Calvin's elementary school! |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p243 The
Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p94 |
|
Bill Watterson: |
I imagine it must be a great temptation to misuse
one's parental authority for private jokes. |
|
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p53-2
|
|
Stupendous Man: |
YAHH! FREEDOM AND JUSTICE SHALL ALWAYS PREVAIL OVER
TYRANNY, BABYSITTER GIRL! |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p218-3
|
|
Calvin: |
To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the
impossible. |
|
It's a Magical World, p113-1 |
|
Susie (to Calvin): |
Did you know that nobody in our street sets an alarm
clock in the morning? |
|
It's a Magical World, 97 |
|
Calvin: |
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship
underpants don't help. |
|
It's a Magical World, p33 |
|
Bill Watterson: |
You can lead people to truth, but you can't make them
understand it: the story of my youth, as seen from the present.
|
|
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p60
|
|
Calvin: |
My life needs a rewind/erase button. |
Hobbes: |
And a volume control. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p67-2
|
|
Calvin: |
The tooth fairy's gonna make you rich tonight Susie.
|
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p76-2
|
|
Calvin: |
I'd hate to have a kid like me. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p203-1
|
|
Hobbes: |
Most people don't sleep well next to a hungry tiger.
|
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p214-2
|
|
Calvin: |
Hi Susie! Guess what I brought for lunch. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p229-1 The
Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p102-1 |
|
Bill Watterson: |
High on my list of adulthood pleasures is the fact
that nobody makes me wrestle sweaty guys anymore. |
|
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p78-1
|
|
Calvin: |
Sooner or later, all our games turn into Calvinball.
|
|
It's a Magical World, p109 |
|
Calvin: |
At this room, time enters a no-passing zone. |
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p10-1 |
|
Calvin: |
I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century
family. |
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p18-1 |
|
Calvin's Dad: |
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby
that is even worse. |
|
It's a Magical World, p12 |
|
Calvin: |
I understand my tests are popular reading in the
teachers' lounge. |
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p91-1 |
|
Calvin: |
My internal clock is on Tokyo time. |
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p129-2 |
|
Hobbes: |
If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just
have to make some! |
|
It's a Magical World, p45 |
|
Calvin: |
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing
something completely pointless. |
|
It's a Magical World, p29 |
|
Calvin: |
If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me
some infra-red nighttime vision goggles. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p5 |
|
Calvin: |
If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't
get asked to do it again. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p55-2 |
|
Calvin's Dad: |
It will build character. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p46-3 |
|
Calvin: |
Reality continues to ruin my life. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p67-1 |
|
Hobbes: |
I like to say "quark"! Quark, quark, quark, quark!
|
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, 84-2 |
|
Calvin: |
What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't
screwing me up? |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p146-2 |
|
Calvin: |
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent
life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried
to contact us. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p157-3
|
|
Calvin: |
I hate to think that all my current experiences will
someday become stories with no point. |
|
It's a Magical World, p39-2 |
|
Calvin: |
Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some
purpose, but it's hard to imagine what. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p71-1
|
|
Calvin: |
I couldn't read it because my parents forgot to pay
the gravity bill. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p19-1
|
|
Bill Watterson: |
Calvin will probably have trouble getting dates when
he's older. |
|
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p135
|
|
Calvin: |
Childhood is short, maturity is forever. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p33-2
|
|
Calvin: |
Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is it a
'possom stuck in your collar? I hope you suffer from a debilitating
brain aneurysm, you freak! |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p25-3 |
|
Hobbes: |
If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.
|
|
Calvin: |
Booger balls are illegal! |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p15 |
|
Hobbes: |
My, this game does teach new words! |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p186 |
|
Calvin: |
I don't need to compromise my principles, because
they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.
|
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p53-3 The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p147-1
|
|
Calvin: |
True friends are hard to come by...I need more money.
|
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p86 |
|
Calvin: |
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you
know where I am? |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p29-3 |
|
Calvin: |
It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea
what's cool. |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p19-3 |
|
Calvin: |
Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100
in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You
cannot trace us. You cannot find us. Sincerely, Calvin. |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p30-3 The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p140-2
|
|
Calvin: |
Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow
upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear
thought impossible! |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p49-3 |
|
Hobbes: |
Van Gogh would've sold more than one painting if he'd
put tigers in them. |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p52 |
|
Calvin: |
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough
scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p58-1 |
|
Calvin: |
The hard part for us avant-garde post-modern artists
is deciding whether or not to embrace commercialism. |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p59-2 |
|
Calvin: |
Why waste time learning, when ignorance is
instantaneous? |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p65-1 |
|
Calvin: |
It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a
saw. |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p67 The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p160
|
|
Calvin: |
I like maxims that don't encourage behavior
modification. |
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p90-3 |
|
Calvin: |
Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex
discrimination. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p26-2 |
|
Calvin: |
What's it like to fall in love? |
Hobbes: |
Well... Say the object of your affection walks by...
|
Calvin: |
Yeah? |
Hobbes: |
First, your heart falls into your stomach and
splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely.
This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all
woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages
and you babble like a cretin until she leaves. |
Calvin: |
That's love?!? |
Hobbes: |
Medically speaking. |
Calvin: |
Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was
cooties! |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p57 |
|
Hobbes: |
How come we play war and not peace? |
Calvin: |
Too few role models. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p72 |
|
Hobbes: |
Did you ask your Mom if you could jump off the roof?
|
Calvin: |
Questions I know the answers to I don't need to ask,
right? |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p75 |
|
Dad: |
The world isn't fair, Calvin. |
Calvin: |
I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
|
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p82-1 |
|
Calvin: |
There's an inverse relationship between how good
something is for you, and how much fun it is. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p89-1 |
|
Hobbes: |
Do you think there's a God? |
Calvin: |
Well somebody's out to get me! |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p91-2 |
|
Calvin: |
I love Saturday morning cartoons. What classic
humour! This is what entertainment is all about. ...Idiots,
explosives and falling anvils. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p92-3 |
|
Calvin: |
Trusting parents can be hazardous to your health.
|
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p99 |
|
Calvin: |
There's no problem so awful that you can't add some
guilt to it and make it even worse! |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p100-1 |
|
Hobbes: |
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your
expectations to the point where they're already met? |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p23-1 |
|
Hobbes: |
I don't know which is worse, ...that everyone has his
price, or that the price is always so low. |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p56-2 |
|
Calvin: |
When I grow up, I'm not going to read the newspaper
and I'm not going to follow complex issues and I'm not going to
vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn't represent
me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system
doesn't work and justify my further lack of participation. |
Hobbes: |
An ingeniously self-fulfilling plan. |
Calvin: |
It's a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.
|
|
The Days are Just Packed, p78-2 |
|
Calvin: |
The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid
self-interest! |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p79 |
|
Hobbes: |
What would you call the creation of the universe?
|
Calvin: |
The Horrendous Space Kablooie! |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p101 |
|
Hobbes: |
Is Amazon Girl's super power the ability to squeeze
that figure into that suit? |
Calvin: |
Nah, they all can do that. |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p115-2 |
|
Calvin: |
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a
meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an
otherwise dull day. |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p125-2 |
|
Calvin: |
The strength to change what I can, the inability to
accept what I can't, and the incapacity the tell the difference.
|
|
The Days are Just Packed, p137-1 |
|
Calvin: |
I hate it when I can't gird my loins with funny
animals. |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p141-2 |
|
Calvin: |
I'm a simple man, Hobbes. |
Hobbes: |
You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that
could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!
|
Calvin: |
I'm a simple man with complex tastes. |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p149-2 |
|
Calvin: |
Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.
|
|
The Days are Just Packed, p154-2 |
|
Calvin: |
My brain wishes my ego had call-waiting. |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p164-2 |
|
Calvin: |
I've noticed that comic book superheros usually fight
evil maniacs with grandiose plans to destroy the world. Why don't
superheroes go after more subtle, realistic bad guys? |
Hobbes: |
Yeah, the superhero could attend council meetings and
write letters to the editor, and stuff. |
Calvin: |
Hmmm... I think I see the problem. |
Hobbes: |
"Quick! To the Bat-Fax!" |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p19-2 |
|
Calvin: |
Everybody I know needs a complete personality
overhaul! |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p36 |
|
Calvin: |
I'm being educated against my will! My rights are
being trampled! |
Hobbes: |
Is it a right to remain ignorant? |
Calvin: |
I don't know, but I refuse to find out! |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p41-2 |
|
Calvin: |
I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy
them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak
ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little
practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
|
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p62-2 The Calvin
and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p184-1 |
|
Hobbes: |
I'll draw some stars to show pain and human
suffering. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p107-1 The Calvin
and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p178-1 |
|
Calvin: |
You know how people are. They only recognize
greatness when some authority confirms it. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p109-1 The Calvin
and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p180-1 |
|
Calvin: |
The only skills I have the patience to learn are
those that have no real application in life. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p142-2 |
|
Calvin: |
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to
do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm
just here to cash in. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p145-2 |
|
Calvin: |
History is the fiction we invent to persuade
ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and
direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values
change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current
prejudices. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p152-1 |
|
Calvin: |
It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden
stop at the end. |
|
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p172 |
|
Calvin: |
Mom and Dad can make the rules And certain things
forbid, But I can make them wish that they Had never had a
kid. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p8 |
|
Calvin: |
Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in
the lottery. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p14-2
|
|
Hobbes: |
The best presents don't come in boxes. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p20 |
|
Calvin: |
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so
complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's
probably not worth knowing anyway. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p25-2
|
|
Calvin: |
Tigers don't worry about much, do they? |
Hobbes: |
Nope. That's one of the perks of being feral. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p55 |
|
Calvin: |
I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your
fears with less distraction. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p77 |
|
Calvin: |
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a
best friend. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p77 |
|
Calvin: |
Our top-secret club, G.R.O.S.S.-- Get Rid Of Slimy
girlS! |
Susie: |
"Slimy girls"?! |
Calvin: |
I know that's redundant, but otherwise it doesn't
spell anything. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p79-1
|
|
Calvin: |
Twisted fiend! No four walls can hold Stupendous Man!
You've been foiled again, evil Mom-Lady! Ha ha ha! |
Mom: |
Oh yeah? |
Calvin: |
Great Zok! She's fixed her mind-scrambling eyeball
ray on me! I'm suddenly filled with the desire to go back upstairs
and do her nefarious bidding! |
Mom: |
Glad to hear it. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p91-2
|
|
Calvin: |
I think life should be more like tv. I think all of
life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple
homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our
biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying
jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires
should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight
clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should
be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't
you think? |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p94 |
|
Calvin: |
This clean, wholesome television! Ughh, it makes me
sick. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p105-1
|
|
Calvin: |
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but
they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in
the world. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p105-3
|
|
Dad: |
Bug bites build character. |
Calvin: |
Yeah, and last year you said diarrhea builds
character. |
Dad: |
So think what a fine young man you're growing up to
be. |
Calvin: |
...If all this character doesn't kill me first.
|
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p107-3
|
|
Calvin: |
It's only work if somebody makes you do it. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p126-1
|
|
Calvin: |
I've been thinking, Hobbes. |
Hobbes: |
On a weekend? |
Calvin: |
Well, it wasn't on purpose... |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p155
|
|
Hobbes: |
A new decade is coming up. |
Calvin: |
Yeah, big deal! Hmph. Where are the flying cars?
Where are the Moon colonies? Where are the personal robots and the
zero gravity boots, huh? You call this a new decade?! You call this
the future?? Ha! Where are the rocket packs? Where are the
disintegration rays? Where are the floating cities? |
Hobbes: |
Frankly, I'm not sure people have the brains to
manage the technology they've got. |
Calvin: |
I mean, look at this! We still have the weather?!
Give me a break! |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p178-3
|
|
Calvin: |
Well, Hobbes, I guess we learned a valuable lesson
from the duplicating mess. |
Hobbes: |
And that is? |
Calvin: |
And that is, um... it's that, well... OK, so we
didn't learn any big lesson. Sue me. |
Hobbes: |
Live and don't learn, that's us. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p190-1 The
Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p118-2 |
|
Calvin: |
In my opinion, television validates existence. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p196
|
|
Calvin: |
This morning I had a wonderful dream. By holding my
arms out stiff and pushing down hard, I found I could suspend myself
a few feet above ground. I flapped harder, and soon I was soaring
effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles! I could fly! I
folded my arms back and zoomed low over the neighborhood. Everyone
was amazed, and they ran along under me as I shot by. Then I
trocketed up so fast that my eyes watered from the wind. I laughed
and laughed, making huge loops in the sky! ...That's when Mom woke
me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn't get my bottom
out of bed; 20 minutes later, here I am, standing in the cold rain,
waiting to go to school, and I just remembered I forgot my lunch.
Tuesdays don't start much worse than this. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p207-2
|
|
Calvin: |
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you
don't know any swear words. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p221
|
|
Calvin: |
Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.
|
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p225-3
|
|
Calvin: |
Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of
happiness and success... ...Flat stretches of boring routine...
...And valleys of frustration and failure. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p246
|
|
Calvin: |
I don't need parents. All I need is a recording that
says, "Go play outside!" |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p255
|
|
Calvin: |
I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
|
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p152-3 |
|
Calvin: |
The world bores you when you're cool. |
Hobbes: |
What fun is being "cool" if you can't wear a
sombrero? |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p154-2 |
|
Calvin: |
Why would she want another kid?? She's already got
me! |
Hobbes: |
Yes, you'd think she'd have learned her lesson...
|
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p170 |
|
Calvin: |
Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom? |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p212-1 |
|
Calvin: |
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
|
Hobbes: |
I think if you're born, it's too late. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p227-3 |
|
Calvin: |
Just think! With the push of a button, you could be a
500-story gastropod--a slug the size of the Chrysler Building!
|
Hobbes: |
Gosh, how can I refuse? |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p229-3 |
|
Calvin: |
Dad, how do people make babies? |
Dad: |
Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow
the assembly instructions. |
Calvin: |
I came from Sears?? |
Dad: |
No, you were a Blue Light Special at K Mart. Almost
as good, and a lot cheaper. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p239-3 |
|
Hobbes: |
Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.
|
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p247-1 |
|
Tracer Bullet: |
My cigarette smoke mixed with the smoke of my .38. If
business was as good as my aim, I'd be on Easy Street. Instead, I've
got an office on 49th Street and a nasty relationship with a string
of collection agents. Yeah, that's me, Tracer Bullet. I've got eight
slugs in me. One's lead, and the rest are bourbon. The drink packs a
wallop, and I pack a revolver. I'm a private eye. Suddenly my door
swung open, and in walked trouble. Brunette, as usual. |
|
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p251-3 The
Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p48-2 |
|
Calvin: |
You know how old people always write l etters to Dear
Abby, complaining that their kids never write, call or visit? Those
letters really crack me up. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p139-1
|
|
Calvin: |
I wish I was a tiger. |
Hobbes: |
A common lament. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p139-3
|
|
Hobbes: |
Well, being a tiger is more than just stripes, you
realize. |
Calvin: |
Kind of a zen thing, huh? |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p140-2
|
|
Calvin: |
Do you believe our destinies are determined by the
stars? |
Hobbes: |
Nah. |
Calvin: |
Oh, I do. |
Hobbes: |
Really? How come? |
Calvin: |
Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for
your actions. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p152-3
|
|
Calvin: |
Without question, that was one of the worst
experiences of my life. |
Dad: |
It built character. |
Calvin: |
Oh sure. Why can't I ever build character at a Miami
condo or a casino somewhere? |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p181-3
|
|
Hobbes: |
What I like is when you're looking and thinking and
looking and thinking... And suddenly you wake up. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p185-1
|
|
Calvin: |
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's
never so bad that it can't get worse. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p190-2
|
|
Calvin: |
For a girl, she's remarkably perceptive. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p209-1
|
|
Calvin: |
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you
want. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p213
|
|
Hobbes: |
The good thing about drawing a tiger is that it
automatically makes your picture fine art. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p249
|
|
Calvin: |
Happiness is being famous for your financial ability
to indulge in every kind of excess. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p35-2
|
|
Hobbes: |
You know, there are times when it's a source of
personal pride to not be human. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p39 |
|
Calvin: |
Hi Dad. I'm repeating everything anyone says. |
Dad: |
Oh, you are, are you? |
Calvin: |
Oh, you are, are you? |
Dad: |
Knock it off, Calvin. That's very annoying. |
Calvin: |
Knock it off, Calvin. That's very annoying. |
Dad: |
I forfeit all my desserts for a week. |
Calvin: |
Okay, give them to me. |
Dad: |
Ha ha. Why don't you go bother your mother for a
while? |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p71-2
|
|
Susie: |
Talking with you is sort of the conversational
equivalent of an out-of-body experience. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p80-1
|
|
Calvin: |
I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk
purple. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p86-1
|
|
Hobbes: |
If you don't get a good night kiss, you get Kafka
dreams. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p87 |
|
Calvin: |
But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the
old gods! He demands sacrifice! |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p99 |
|
Hobbes: |
I had resolved to be less offended by human nature,
but I think I blew it already. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p111
|
|
Calvin: |
You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well,
mine are even worse! |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p121-2
|
|
Spaceman Spiff |
Planet Bog--Pools of toxic chemicals bubble under a
choking atmosphere from poisonous gases. ...But aside from that,
it's not much like Earth. |
|
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p125
|
|
Calvin: |
A day can really slip by when you're deliberately
avoiding what you're supposed to do. |
|
Calvin: |
I'M SIGNIFICANT!...screamed the dust speck. |
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p30-2 |
|
Hobbes: |
So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to
express his individuality through conformity in brand-name
selection? |
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p29-1 |
|
Calvin: |
The worst part is that I don't even have the fun of
doing the things I'm getting blamed for. |
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p188-2
|
|
Calvin: |
Let's try this path over here! |
Hobbes: |
I don't see a path. |
Calvin: |
We'll make a path! |
|
New quotes added
06/18/99: |
|
Dad: |
We should've adopted a 25-year-old with his own
apartment. |
|
The Days are Just Packed, p35 |
|
Susie: |
The way Calvin's brain is wired, you can almost year
the fuses blowing. |
|
The Days are Just Packed, 64-2 |
|
Hobbes: |
You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you
can't take the jungle out of the tiger!
|
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p98 |
|
Calvin: |
Obviously my body doesn't believe a word my brain is
saying.
|
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p135-2
|
|
Calvin: |
But for my own example, I'd never believe one little
kid could have so much brains!
|
|
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p182
|
|
Calvin: |
My brain always rejects attitude transplants.
|
|
There's Treasure Everywhere, p158-1 |
|
Dad: |
I have all these great genes, but they're recessive.
That's the problem here.
|
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p8-3 |
|
Calvin: |
Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds
character.
|
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p9-3 |
|
Susie: |
Our class voted Calvin the "Most likely to be seen on
the news some day".
|
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p13-1 |
|
Calvin: |
It's hard to be religious when certain people are
never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
|
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p62-1 |
|
Mom: |
Those child psychology books we bought were such a
waste of money.
|
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p74-3 |
|
Calvin: |
Moms and reason are like oil and water.
|
|
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow
Goons, p88-1 |
Well, I hope you like them. If you have any suggestion for a
quote, feel free to mail it! |