In the strip, the characters make now and then a great utterance. I will put some of the best on this page. There are also some remarkable expressions that Bill Watterson made. New quotes will be added now and then.

Hobbes: There's more to this world than just people, you know.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, 105-2

 
Calvin: Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!

There's Treasure Everywhere, p142-1

 
Calvin: YAAH! DEATH TO OATMEAL!

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p36

 
Hobbes: I think animals are alway so cute.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p224-2

 
Bill Watterson: Newspaper editor sometimes seem to resent that they have to run comics. Well, sometimes I resent being in their newspapers.

The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p204-1

 
Calvin: I'm going to paste Susie's pate with a slushball!

There's Treasure Everywhere, p96
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p203

 
Hobbes: No sport is less organized than Calvinball!

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p229-3
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p128-2

 
Calvin: SOOOOOSIE IS A BOOGER BRAAINN!

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, 69-2
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p187-2

 
Bill Watterson: I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word "booger" in a newspaper comic strip.

The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p78-2

 
Calvin: I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.

There's Treasure Everywhere, p169-1
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p196-2

 
Calvin's father: I just KNOW some nurse switched the bassinets.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p245-3
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p107-1

 
Calvin: I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p235-2
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p102-2

 
Moe: Hey, Twinky, want to see if there's an afterlife?

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p64

 
Calvin: Mission accomplished! A smoldering crater is all that remains of Calvin's elementary school!

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p243
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p94

 
Bill Watterson: I imagine it must be a great temptation to misuse one's parental authority for private jokes.

The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p53-2

 
Stupendous Man: YAHH! FREEDOM AND JUSTICE SHALL ALWAYS PREVAIL OVER TYRANNY, BABYSITTER GIRL!

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p218-3

 
Calvin: To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.

It's a Magical World, p113-1

 
Susie (to Calvin): Did you know that nobody in our street sets an alarm clock in the morning?

It's a Magical World, 97

 
Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.

It's a Magical World, p33

 
Bill Watterson: You can lead people to truth, but you can't make them understand it: the story of my youth, as seen from the present.

The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p60

 
Calvin: My life needs a rewind/erase button.
Hobbes: And a volume control.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p67-2

 
Calvin: The tooth fairy's gonna make you rich tonight Susie.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p76-2

 
Calvin: I'd hate to have a kid like me.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p203-1

 
Hobbes: Most people don't sleep well next to a hungry tiger.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p214-2

 
Calvin: Hi Susie! Guess what I brought for lunch.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p229-1
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p102-1

 
Bill Watterson: High on my list of adulthood pleasures is the fact that nobody makes me wrestle sweaty guys anymore.

The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p78-1

 
Calvin: Sooner or later, all our games turn into Calvinball.

It's a Magical World, p109

 
Calvin: At this room, time enters a no-passing zone.

There's Treasure Everywhere, p10-1

 
Calvin: I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.

There's Treasure Everywhere, p18-1

 
Calvin's Dad: The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse.

It's a Magical World, p12

 
Calvin: I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.

There's Treasure Everywhere, p91-1

 
Calvin: My internal clock is on Tokyo time.

There's Treasure Everywhere, p129-2

 
Hobbes: If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!

It's a Magical World, p45

 
Calvin: Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

It's a Magical World, p29

 
Calvin: If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p5

 
Calvin: If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p55-2

 
Calvin's Dad: It will build character.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p46-3

 
Calvin: Reality continues to ruin my life.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p67-1

 
Hobbes: I like to say "quark"! Quark, quark, quark, quark!

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, 84-2

 
Calvin: What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p146-2

 
Calvin: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p157-3

 
Calvin: I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.

It's a Magical World, p39-2

 
Calvin: Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p71-1

 
Calvin: I couldn't read it because my parents forgot to pay the gravity bill.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p19-1

 
Bill Watterson: Calvin will probably have trouble getting dates when he's older.

The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p135

 
Calvin: Childhood is short, maturity is forever.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p33-2

 
Calvin: Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is it a 'possom stuck in your collar? I hope you suffer from a debilitating brain aneurysm, you freak!

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p25-3

 
Hobbes: If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.
 
Calvin: Booger balls are illegal!

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p15

 
Hobbes: My, this game does teach new words!

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p186

 
Calvin: I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p53-3
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p147-1

 
Calvin: True friends are hard to come by...I need more money.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p86

 
Calvin: Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p29-3

 
Calvin: It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p19-3

 
Calvin: Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us.
Sincerely, Calvin.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p30-3
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p140-2

 
Calvin: Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p49-3

 
Hobbes: Van Gogh would've sold more than one painting if he'd put tigers in them.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p52

 
Calvin: In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p58-1

 
Calvin: The hard part for us avant-garde post-modern artists is deciding whether or not to embrace commercialism.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p59-2

 
Calvin: Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p65-1

 
Calvin: It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p67
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p160

 
Calvin: I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p90-3

 
Calvin: Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p26-2

 
Calvin: What's it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well... Say the object of your affection walks by...
Calvin: Yeah?
Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.
Calvin: That's love?!?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p57

 
Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace?
Calvin: Too few role models.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p72

 
Hobbes: Did you ask your Mom if you could jump off the roof?
Calvin: Questions I know the answers to I don't need to ask, right?

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p75

 
Dad: The world isn't fair, Calvin.
Calvin: I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p82-1

 
Calvin: There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p89-1

 
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well somebody's out to get me!

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p91-2

 
Calvin: I love Saturday morning cartoons. What classic humour! This is what entertainment is all about. ...Idiots, explosives and falling anvils.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p92-3

 
Calvin: Trusting parents can be hazardous to your health.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p99

 
Calvin: There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p100-1

 
Hobbes: So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?

The Days are Just Packed, p23-1

 
Hobbes: I don't know which is worse, ...that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.

The Days are Just Packed, p56-2

 
Calvin: When I grow up, I'm not going to read the newspaper and I'm not going to follow complex issues and I'm not going to vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn't represent me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system doesn't work and justify my further lack of participation.
Hobbes: An ingeniously self-fulfilling plan.
Calvin: It's a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.

The Days are Just Packed, p78-2

 
Calvin: The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!

The Days are Just Packed, p79

 
Hobbes: What would you call the creation of the universe?
Calvin: The Horrendous Space Kablooie!

The Days are Just Packed, p101

 
Hobbes: Is Amazon Girl's super power the ability to squeeze that figure into that suit?
Calvin: Nah, they all can do that.

The Days are Just Packed, p115-2

 
Calvin: A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

The Days are Just Packed, p125-2

 
Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity the tell the difference.

The Days are Just Packed, p137-1

 
Calvin: I hate it when I can't gird my loins with funny animals.

The Days are Just Packed, p141-2

 
Calvin: I'm a simple man, Hobbes.
Hobbes: You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!
Calvin: I'm a simple man with complex tastes.

The Days are Just Packed, p149-2

 
Calvin: Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.

The Days are Just Packed, p154-2

 
Calvin: My brain wishes my ego had call-waiting.

The Days are Just Packed, p164-2

 
Calvin: I've noticed that comic book superheros usually fight evil maniacs with grandiose plans to destroy the world. Why don't superheroes go after more subtle, realistic bad guys?
Hobbes: Yeah, the superhero could attend council meetings and write letters to the editor, and stuff.
Calvin: Hmmm... I think I see the problem.
Hobbes: "Quick! To the Bat-Fax!"

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p19-2

 
Calvin: Everybody I know needs a complete personality overhaul!

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p36

 
Calvin: I'm being educated against my will! My rights are being trampled!
Hobbes: Is it a right to remain ignorant?
Calvin: I don't know, but I refuse to find out!

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p41-2

 
Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p62-2
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p184-1

 
Hobbes: I'll draw some stars to show pain and human suffering.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p107-1
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p178-1

 
Calvin: You know how people are. They only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p109-1
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p180-1

 
Calvin: The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p142-2

 
Calvin: From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p145-2

 
Calvin: History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p152-1

 
Calvin: It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat, p172

 
Calvin: Mom and Dad can make the rules
And certain things forbid,
But I can make them wish that they
Had never had a kid.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p8

 
Calvin: Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p14-2

 
Hobbes: The best presents don't come in boxes.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p20

 
Calvin: As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p25-2

 
Calvin: Tigers don't worry about much, do they?
Hobbes: Nope. That's one of the perks of being feral.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p55

 
Calvin: I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p77

 
Calvin: Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p77

 
Calvin: Our top-secret club, G.R.O.S.S.-- Get Rid Of Slimy girlS!
Susie: "Slimy girls"?!
Calvin: I know that's redundant, but otherwise it doesn't spell anything.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p79-1

 
Calvin: Twisted fiend! No four walls can hold Stupendous Man! You've been foiled again, evil Mom-Lady! Ha ha ha!
Mom: Oh yeah?
Calvin: Great Zok! She's fixed her mind-scrambling eyeball ray on me! I'm suddenly filled with the desire to go back upstairs and do her nefarious bidding!
Mom: Glad to hear it.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p91-2

 
Calvin: I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p94

 
Calvin: This clean, wholesome television! Ughh, it makes me sick.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p105-1

 
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p105-3

 
Dad: Bug bites build character.
Calvin: Yeah, and last year you said diarrhea builds character.
Dad: So think what a fine young man you're growing up to be.
Calvin: ...If all this character doesn't kill me first.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p107-3

 
Calvin: It's only work if somebody makes you do it.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p126-1

 
Calvin: I've been thinking, Hobbes.
Hobbes: On a weekend?
Calvin: Well, it wasn't on purpose...

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p155

 
Hobbes: A new decade is coming up.
Calvin: Yeah, big deal! Hmph. Where are the flying cars? Where are the Moon colonies? Where are the personal robots and the zero gravity boots, huh? You call this a new decade?! You call this the future?? Ha! Where are the rocket packs? Where are the disintegration rays? Where are the floating cities?
Hobbes: Frankly, I'm not sure people have the brains to manage the technology they've got.
Calvin: I mean, look at this! We still have the weather?! Give me a break!

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p178-3

 
Calvin: Well, Hobbes, I guess we learned a valuable lesson from the duplicating mess.
Hobbes: And that is?
Calvin: And that is, um... it's that, well... OK, so we didn't learn any big lesson. Sue me.
Hobbes: Live and don't learn, that's us.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p190-1
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p118-2

 
Calvin: In my opinion, television validates existence.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p196

 
Calvin: This morning I had a wonderful dream. By holding my arms out stiff and pushing down hard, I found I could suspend myself a few feet above ground. I flapped harder, and soon I was soaring effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles! I could fly! I folded my arms back and zoomed low over the neighborhood. Everyone was amazed, and they ran along under me as I shot by. Then I trocketed up so fast that my eyes watered from the wind. I laughed and laughed, making huge loops in the sky! ...That's when Mom woke me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn't get my bottom out of bed; 20 minutes later, here I am, standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and I just remembered I forgot my lunch. Tuesdays don't start much worse than this.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p207-2

 
Calvin: Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p221

 
Calvin: Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p225-3

 
Calvin: Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success... ...Flat stretches of boring routine... ...And valleys of frustration and failure.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p246

 
Calvin: I don't need parents. All I need is a recording that says, "Go play outside!"

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p255

 
Calvin: I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p152-3

 
Calvin: The world bores you when you're cool.
Hobbes: What fun is being "cool" if you can't wear a sombrero?

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p154-2

 
Calvin: Why would she want another kid?? She's already got me!
Hobbes: Yes, you'd think she'd have learned her lesson...

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p170

 
Calvin: Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p212-1

 
Calvin: I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
Hobbes: I think if you're born, it's too late.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p227-3

 
Calvin: Just think! With the push of a button, you could be a 500-story gastropod--a slug the size of the Chrysler Building!
Hobbes: Gosh, how can I refuse?

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p229-3

 
Calvin: Dad, how do people make babies?
Dad: Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears??
Dad: No, you were a Blue Light Special at K Mart. Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p239-3

 
Hobbes: Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p247-1

 
Tracer Bullet: My cigarette smoke mixed with the smoke of my .38. If business was as good as my aim, I'd be on Easy Street. Instead, I've got an office on 49th Street and a nasty relationship with a string of collection agents. Yeah, that's me, Tracer Bullet. I've got eight slugs in me. One's lead, and the rest are bourbon. The drink packs a wallop, and I pack a revolver. I'm a private eye. Suddenly my door swung open, and in walked trouble. Brunette, as usual.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p251-3
The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, p48-2

 
Calvin: You know how old people always write l etters to Dear Abby, complaining that their kids never write, call or visit? Those letters really crack me up.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p139-1

 
Calvin: I wish I was a tiger.
Hobbes: A common lament.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p139-3

 
Hobbes: Well, being a tiger is more than just stripes, you realize.
Calvin: Kind of a zen thing, huh?

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p140-2

 
Calvin: Do you believe our destinies are determined by the stars?
Hobbes: Nah.
Calvin: Oh, I do.
Hobbes: Really? How come?
Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p152-3

 
Calvin: Without question, that was one of the worst experiences of my life.
Dad: It built character.
Calvin: Oh sure. Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p181-3

 
Hobbes: What I like is when you're looking and thinking and looking and thinking... And suddenly you wake up.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p185-1

 
Calvin: That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p190-2

 
Calvin: For a girl, she's remarkably perceptive.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p209-1

 
Calvin: There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p213

 
Hobbes: The good thing about drawing a tiger is that it automatically makes your picture fine art.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p249

 
Calvin: Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p35-2

 
Hobbes: You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p39

 
Calvin: Hi Dad. I'm repeating everything anyone says.
Dad: Oh, you are, are you?
Calvin: Oh, you are, are you?
Dad: Knock it off, Calvin. That's very annoying.
Calvin: Knock it off, Calvin. That's very annoying.
Dad: I forfeit all my desserts for a week.
Calvin: Okay, give them to me.
Dad: Ha ha. Why don't you go bother your mother for a while?

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p71-2

 
Susie: Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out-of-body experience.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p80-1

 
Calvin: I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p86-1

 
Hobbes: If you don't get a good night kiss, you get Kafka dreams.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p87

 
Calvin: But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p99

 
Hobbes: I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p111

 
Calvin: You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p121-2

 
Spaceman Spiff Planet Bog--Pools of toxic chemicals bubble under a choking atmosphere from poisonous gases. ...But aside from that, it's not much like Earth.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p125

 
Calvin: A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.
 
Calvin: I'M SIGNIFICANT!...screamed the dust speck.

There's Treasure Everywhere, p30-2

 
Hobbes: So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection?

There's Treasure Everywhere, p29-1

 
Calvin: The worst part is that I don't even have the fun of doing the things I'm getting blamed for.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p188-2

 
Calvin: Let's try this path over here!
Hobbes: I don't see a path.
Calvin: We'll make a path!
 
New quotes added 06/18/99:
 
Dad: We should've adopted a 25-year-old with his own apartment.

The Days are Just Packed, p35

 
Susie: The way Calvin's brain is wired, you can almost year the fuses blowing.

The Days are Just Packed, 64-2

 
Hobbes: You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger!

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p98

 
Calvin: Obviously my body doesn't believe a word my brain is saying.

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p135-2

 
Calvin: But for my own example, I'd never believe one little kid could have so much brains!

The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p182

 
Calvin: My brain always rejects attitude transplants.

There's Treasure Everywhere, p158-1

 
Dad: I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p8-3

 
Calvin: Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p9-3

 
Susie: Our class voted Calvin the "Most likely to be seen on the news some day".

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p13-1

 
Calvin: It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p62-1

 
Mom: Those child psychology books we bought were such a waste of money.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p74-3

 
Calvin: Moms and reason are like oil and water.

Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p88-1

Well, I hope you like them. If you have any suggestion for a quote, feel free to mail it!