My Thoughts Exactly

Where you get to hear me babble on about life, love, friends, and other random things.

Ok, this is my thoughts page where I get to think the time away. I wouldn't blame you if you turned off your computers right now, but hey, it's my form of expressing myself. So sit back, relax, and hear me out.

Why don't any good acts ever come to Maine? I'm sick of having to drive down to Massachusetts just to see one person in concert! Thank God some acts actually do go to Portland, because I don't think I could survive going down to Massachusetts just for a two and a half hour concert! My point? More acts should come here a bit more often.

Why does my school tell us to "Act like Mt. Valley Students", even though they have so many restrictions against us that we can hardly move? We can't take backpacks around because of fear that we're hideing drugs, guns, or ciggerates that they can't check, we can't swear on the email newsgroups or we'll get booted off the system for a few weeks or even the rest of the year for that matter, and we can't express ourselves with certain articles of clothing. It honestly does suck and if they expect us to act orderly, then they shouldn't lock us up like we're animals or something. Honestly, I do think there will be a rebel against their actions if they're not careful, and not nessicarely by me (note to any school officials that might be reading this), but I do feel there will be one if these sort of rules aren't taken away from existence. I know certain people have already got in trouble for saying so on the newsgroup, but this is the internet where free speach is permitted (unless, of course, you've signed something such as a website policie to limit your freedom in order to receive their services), unlike how we can't say what we feel in schools today.

Ignorance. It's everywhere you go, everywhere you turn. I hate it. Myself, being openly bisexual, have experenced plenty of it in my hometown of little old Rumford, Maine. Everybody here thinks that just as long as you're straight sexually, a prep or jock, and you wear the "right" kind of clothing that you're automaticaly fine and there's no need to worry because you'll fit in just fine and, IMHO, you'll be just another faceless person in a crowd of poseurs and ignorence towards others. I have been pushed around, verbally and sexually harrassed, assualted, and have had several rumors spread about me because I basicly don't "walk the walk and talk the talk". It's really heartbreaking when people don't accept you because you're "different". I used to try to "fit in", but I basically gave up just to be myself in the end. It may be hard, but after High School, nobody really cares how popular or how well you dressed in High School. I just hope the people that put me down get to see what's comming to them out of High School when they realize for the most part, how you look and what you wear won't pay the bills.

I never really thought that High School would be too hard for me accademicly wise, despite what others said, but I guess I was wrong for a few parts there. There is at least one class that I kinda have a bit of trouble with and that's World History. Although I've never really been that great @ Social Studies or anything, I heard it was a fun class and the fact that Mr. Carver was an EXCELLENT teacher. Well, it isn't exactly AP European History (the next step up from World History), it is a college prep course and they basically LOAD you down with tests, projects, quizes, and whatnot. A couple of the kids in my class have already dropped it because they couldn't handle the workload. Yes, Mr Carver is a great teacher and I love the lectures, but come on, 10 readings, 4 map quizes (w/out answer keys), two huge projects, and a Medieval times artwork test is just too much. Mr. Carver, if you're reading this, lighten up the workload a bit. I've hardly had a life because of all of this work alongside w/my regular school work.

I was walking to my C-period class the other day and as I was walking by, a girl that I don't really know, but I'm familiar with yelled out to her friend "Hey, there's that girl I don't like!". The friend then responded "That Adrienne girl? Yeah, she's a real loser!" After her friend walked by, I asked her why she yelled that out for the entire hallway to hear. "Because I don't like you" she blantly said right out. I really didn't know what to say or do, but I kept on walking to my class. Despite the fact that it's a study hall that I was going to, I was still upset and I really couldn't concentrate on my work that much. I don't really know why she said that, especially considering I've never said or done anything to her, but aparently there must be a bit of a stereotype going on there, despite the fact that we both hang out w/the same "crowd". I may be over it now, but it still hurts to know that there are some closeminded little idiots out there.

There has recently been an ongoing discussion on the school email over homo/bisexuality. Although most people on there have an open mind towards it, the rest of it is complete and utter bullshit IMHO. Most people went against it because they felt it was unnatural (although most of the things we do like drive a car or wearing clothing is), some went against it because of their religious beliefs, which is understandable, but yet possiably one of the most idiotic ones I've heard is that one person blames them for the spreading of HIV and AIDS. Now there are gay people with AIDS, but then again there are straight people with AIDS as well. In fact, a straight man can contract HIV from a straight woman through vaginal sex because females have vaginal fluids that can come in contact with someone and give them HIV. Now really, with that information, do you think that gay people are the only people out there spreading HIV? I don't think so. This discussion also brought up the fact that many GLBT (Gay, Lesbien, Bisexual, Tranvestite/sexual) people out there today are being harrassed because of their sexuality. Although most people claimed that they don't hate gay/bi people, being bi myslef, I have seen several people who have said this contradict themselves by making fun of some friends of mine and myself just for being bi/gay ourselves. Now doesn't that say something right there? The statistic of 80% of all gay/bisexual students in Maine alone report having been harassed because of their sexuality really upsets me because that means that there are a lot of closeminded idiots out there making crude and rude remarks. Well here's my say: one person can't change the world, but they sure can impact it. Just look at Mathew Shepherd.

Ah yes, poseurs. The people who act a part, but they aren't the actual people that they act out and don't do it very well anyway. This comes to mind because of one girl that I know. She calls herself "gothic" (whereas most people who are won't actually do so), dresses the part in all black w/white makeup (despite the fact that her natual skin pigment is quite dark), black lipstick, and marks of eyeliner all over her face. Then she goes around claiming that she listens to "gothic" music like NIN (which sorta is, but oh well), Marylin Manson (not even), KiTTiE (sorry hun, it's metal, not gothic), and Coal Chamber (see KiTTiE). Hmm, the last thing that I knew, gothic music was stuff such as Bauhaus, Black Tape For a Blue Girl, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Christian Death and so forth; music that has a somewhat morbid sound, but still has a poetic sense to it other then mindless screaming. Don't get me wrong, I like the bands that she likes, but that doesn't mean that I go around saying "I'm so gothic because I listen to such-and-such" because I'm not. The thing is that really irritates me is that she doesn't have a mind of her own. She goes upon other people's ideas and calls them her own, which really doesn't take that many brain cells to do. If you ask me, she's an absolute flake who has nothing else better to do then sit around, smoke dope and drop acid, and complain about her "man problems." Jeeze, if you're going to be a poseur, then at least act out the part correctly and do a bit of research beforehand so you don't look like an absolute fool like she does. Ladies and gentlemen, this is what a poseur is like.

I recently had this girl randomly say on AIM that I wasn't really bisexual because I've never had sex w/a woman and that she's right because she's "on the GSA in the Dirago High School." If that was true, then would a straight person that's a virgin really have a sexual orientation at all? What about a homosexual man that has been in denial all of his life who marries a woman, and then realizes years into the relationship that he was gay all along? Would he, by this girl's standards, really be gay? She also said that I was offending several bisexual people by saying that I was, but when I asked several gay/bisexual people I know about this, they agreed w/me and said this girl doesn't know what she's talking about. Oh well, people like that aren't even worth my time anyway.

Ok, this is all for now. I'll leave you alone so you can go on with your little old lives... for now at least.

Until the next time around,
Adrienne