Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your *thing* doesn't have any skin on it!" "Of course, not! I've been circumcised." "What does that mean?" "It means they cut the skin off the end." "How old were you when it was cut off?" "My mom said they did it on the eighth day after I was born." "Did it hurt?" "You bet it hurt! I couldn't walk for a year!" Axioms of Life 1) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.>> 2) Save the whales. Collect the whole set.>> 3) A day without sunshine is like, -- well, -- night.>> 4) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.>> 5) I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.>> 6) When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.>> 7) Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.>> 8) Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.>> 9) I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.>> 10) He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.>> 11) He's always late. His ancestors arrived on the June Flower.>> 12) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.>> 13) I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.>> 14) Honk if you love peace and quiet.>> 15) Pardon my driving, I am reloading 16) Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?>> 17) Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.>> 18) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.>> 19) He who laughs last, thinks slowest.>> 20) If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of the traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down. The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!" The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass." A Cowboy and His Horse I had a near death experience yesterday afternoon that has changed me forever. I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things couldn't possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrups... When this happened I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder and harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart Manager came out and unplugged it!
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