Sunday, December 14, 2003

I recently lost what I thought was my first true love

Lynsey Cornwell was her name. LONG story short, when we were dating, shed call 3x a day, e-mail about 2-3 and send as many text messages, she'd drive 45 min to see me
(I never went to her place) we had lots of sex, she was my sweetie but I didn't appreciate it like I should have.

she got a 3 month internship in california, I said she should go cause her carrear and her happiness is more important to me (she HATED her job)

right before she left I heard from a friend that she cheated on me with him (he didn't know we were together or even knew each other) she said it
didn't happen and that he was trying to break us up. I forgave her if she did and asked her to forgive me for accusing her if she didn't I deeply regret
not telling her how much I loved her before she left

when she went to Cali, communication all but stopped. I had to call her parents to get her number there.

She always said she was busy (too busy to take 5 minutes to type out an e-mail to your boyfriend?) I broke up with her a month and a half into
it cause I couldn't eat or sleep, (I kept imagining her on her back with some surfer every time I closed my eyes) but I told her that it was so she could
get her job on and not worry about coming home to me.

I met another girl, Courtney. She was 19 and a nympho... I told Lynsey about her (not trying to hurt her, but to let her know she hurt me enough to
leave her) I ditched Courtney cause she had issues... I told Lynsey that I left Courtney cause I was still very much in love with her (Lynsey)

when she got back here, she was very cold, and she said she didn't want to jump back in a relationship cause she had been on her own for 3 months
and enjoyed doing her own thing. she assured me she wanted to get back together and that there was no one else...

after another month of this coldness and her having "space" I called it quits... cause again, I couldn't sleep...

a month later (last night)(dec 14th) I was doing a google search for her weblog (i knew she started one but I didn't know the address) I found it, and
on it I saw these fatal words

hobbies: being with my wonderful boyfriend....................Erik

I couldnt sleep last night... 2 hours but they were all horrible nightmares about her and "Erik"

I called her this morning and asked about him, turns out she was mad at me about Courtney, went out and found some guy... I think I heard something
about her moving to the states to be with him (after only 45 days?!?) but she isnt sure if she is now...

in my heart of hearts, I love her to death, still but I know it won't work and I don't want to put myself through that again.

23 and my first true love... I even thought about putting a ring on her finger and moving her back to the states with me... I thought she was "THE ONE"

I've been so damn depressed these past 5 months. Maybe this will help someone else in the same situation

UPDATE: December 24, 2003

I was doing some more searching online (why do I do this to myself? )

well, I found something that I could have done without, but am glad I now know.

I found some posts online about the ex-girlfriend of mine.

She is getting married in January to the guy Erik that she claims she met in California.

This is putting serious doubts in my mind that she went there for a job.

How can you meet a person for a month and a half, then get married 4 months later? or for that matter, get married within 5 months of meeting someone?

seems to me that she left me to go to California to be with this Erik guy.

Now I am all depressed again for the holidays. I'm just glad there is such a thing as alcohol.

"I tried drowning my sorrows and troubles in alcohol, but they've learned how to swim" -Chad 2003

new update: 12:26 am 25 December 2003

I talked to her a few hours ago. I hated to cause trouble so close to
christmas, but I had to know. I hate being lied to, and I hate being led on
like I was. The truth finally came out, or at least MORE of it.
Turns out, she knew him the ENTIRE time she was in California...
she didnt want to talk about it, but I had to ask about the wedding
she wondered how I keep finding out this stuff, the internet is great isnt it?
I just hope she dosnt think I'm stalking her, I just want truth and now that
I have more of it, I am done. Forever.

I've made some mistakes in my life, this one cost me months of loneliness and heartache.
whoever said it is better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all
is getting an asskicking!
I guess Lynsey Cornwell is married to Erik Sharp and living in southern California. Lynsey Sharp, you suck.
well, Merry Christmas all.