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THE COMPLETE SET OF BLONDE JOKES
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Once there was a blonde who got DARNED sick and tired of those jokes mocking blondes for a low I.Q. She therefore resolved to prove that blondes could be as smart as anyone else. She spent several weeks studiously peering at a map... The next time some one attempted to tell a Blonde Joke, she imposed, "Well, I'm a blonde and I'm NOT stupid! I'll have you know that I've memorized the Capitals of every state in the union!" "So what's the capital of Vermont?" inquired a skeptic. The blonde giggled: "That's easy! 'V' ........"
A blonde woman is driving along a country road, out in rolling hills of the Midwest, when she sees some movement off in the distance. As she gets closer, she realizes that it is another blonde woman in a rowboat in the middle of a field rowing the boat like crazy. She stops her car at the side of the road and gets out. She yells out to the blonde in the rowboat, "What the &$%# are you doing?" The blonde in the boat, obviously flustered, yells back, "I have got to hurry up and get home in time for dinner or I will be in real trouble!" The blonde at the side of the road is aggravated. "I can't believe this! You are out in the middle of a field in a row boat! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! In fact, if I could swim, I would swim out there and kick your butt!"
Five blondes go into a bar and one of them says to the bartender, "A round of drinks for me and my friends." They get their drinks and the raise their glasses to a toast of, "To 51 days!" and they drink. The "head blonde" asks the bartender to set them up again. Again, the blondes toast "To 51 days!" and they drink. After they order a third round, the bartender says that he has to ask what the toast means. The head blonde says, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. On the box it said, "two to four years" and we finished it in 51 days".
These two blondes were walking in the forest. They came upon some tracks on the ground and started arguing about what left them. The first one claimed they were deer tracks. The second one insisted that they were bear tracks. While they were arguing, they were run over by a train.
A blonde, a brunette and a red head are stuck on an island. And for year and years they live there, one day they find a magic lamp. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a geenie. The geenie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one" So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life-- I just want to go home" and POOF she is gone. The the red head makes her wish "This place sucks, I want to go home too" and poof she is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie says to her " my dear what is the matter, "I wish my friends were here."
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head go to a deserted an island. What do each of them bring?? The Redhead brings a fan to cool herself, the Brunette brings a bottle of water to keep herself cool, and the Blonde lugs a car door so she can roll down the window.
Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes".
There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work. The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat. The brunette says, "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde, "So, do you see any cops?" The blonde replies, "Yes." The brunette says, "Are they behind us?" Blond: "Yes." Brunette: "Are they close?" Blonde: "Yes." Brunette: "Are they going to stop us?" Blonde: "I don't know." The brunette says, "Well, are their lights on?" The blonde replies, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes."
There was a blonde and she went to the emergency room because she got shot in the hand. The doctor asked her how she got shot in the hand. She replied, "I tried to kill myself." He replies "what?" She says, "Well, first I put the gun to my chest, then thought '"Wait I have a 500 dollar boob job and don't want to mess it up". Then I put the gun to my chin, and thought, “Well, I just got new dental work done, don't want that messed up". So, I put the gun to my ear, and then thought, it will be really loud, so I put my hand between the gun and my ear and pulled the trigger!"
Two blonde builders were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?" The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!" The second blonde got real excited and called her all kinds of names, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house, you idiot!!"
My blonde girlfriend is so stupid…
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
When the computer said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the "Any" key.
She thought 2Pac Shakur was a Jewish Holiday.
When I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said, "Cherry or Grape?".
She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
She tried to drown her goldfish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store for 3 days and nearly starved to death.
She took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of application forms where it says "Sign Here", she puts "Sagittarius".
She asked for a price check at the dollar store.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She stands up on an empty bus.
She studied for a blood test and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Hamburger Helper came with another person.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
She invented a solar powered flashlight.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home to get 16 friends.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
She got locked in Furniture World and slept on the floor.
When she got to the empty 4-way stop, she waited for the other 3 cars to get there.
Two blondes are frustrated, trying to get in their car because they’ve locked the keys in it. The blonde with the hanger says, “I have not idea where to put the hanger!”. The other one says, “Well, you better hurry up, missy, because the top is down and it looks like it is going to rain.
An attractive blonde was hitch hiking. A trucker pulled over and offered her a ride. When the blonde got in the cab, she saw all the CB equipment that the driver had installed. She asked the driver, "What's that?" The driver explained that it was CB equipment and with it, he could contact anyone in the world. The hiker exclaimed, "Anybody in the world!!?? You mean, you could reach my Mother in Toledo with that equipment??" The driver said that she could and the blonde replied, "Gee, I'd do anything for you if you'd contact my Mother. I really miss her." So the driver pulled the rig over to the side of the road and proceeded to undress first handing her his belt. The blonde looked at it for a minute, confused, then and yelled at it, "Hello, Mom??"
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left". Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left". One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day."
A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks "What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos." The blond then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?" She replies "It's a thermos." He asks, "What does it do?" She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." He then asks, "What do you have in there?" Looking forward to her break, she replies, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies... "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly states..."No.. I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blond to work as usual... "If you need anything just let me know." Well... a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde...he looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!!!! He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now... are you gonna be okay??" "No..." exclaims the blonde, "I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!!"
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car. "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoooo hooooo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O
Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS?
A: When they aren't upright, they're grand.
Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED?
A: Who cares?
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125?
A: a foursome.
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.
Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.
Q: What do blonde virgins eat?
A: Baby food.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
A: She wanted to go on a round trip.
Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the definition of a metallurgist?
A: A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.
Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde and a dead skunk on Brunette Avenue?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A DOORKNOB?
A: The doorknob is smarter.
Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: Why did God give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them pooping in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ears.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) They keep saying, “I dunno!”
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE?
A: Third Grade.
Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: There are some things even a blonde won't do!
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the ones that read , “W W”.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during an electrical storm?
A: She loves having her picture taken.
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Why buy the cow when the milk’s free?
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her twoyears to figure out that you could play it at night.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?
A: She believed him!
Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES CLOSED?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES?
A: They take off their makeup.
Q: HOW MANY BLONDES DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?
A: Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-“I don't know”. Hits forehead-“Oh I get it!”
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blonds have square breasts?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: Why don't blondes eat peanut butter?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A2: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaddy!"
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: Yes, it's on. No, now it's off. Oh, it's back on. Wait, it's off again. Woops, my mistake, it's on. Sorry, I moofed, it’s off.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A: Are you boys all in the same band?
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and African Americans have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: “What, what?”
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 10, come home.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.....ah, oh whatever”
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why do men like blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved vegetables.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just styled her hair and she didn't want it blowing around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant possession.
Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
Q: Why did she finally pass her test?
A: She took the examiner with her.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde out in the woods and got stuck in a trap?
A: She chewed off one leg and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
A: Nothing - they've never met.
Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She only dated men!
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
SOMEONE ASKED IF A BLONDE BELEIVED IN SMOKING. She said "Yes, I've seen it done.”
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me I am his own…”
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde
BLONDE #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote it?”
Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh.
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember with whom.
What about the blonde couple who gave birth to twins? The husband is out looking for the other man.
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
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