Eve

So, here I am. My life is finally getting back on track. And what's the first thing I do? I get involved with another woman. I'm beginning to think we men as a race, are just not really bright. I have noticed this within myself, as well as numerous other people. We're all in the same sinking boat. We get our hearts ripped out, and grilled to a perfect char on the neighbors bbq grill... and come running right back for more. We shall call her Eve.

I met her on an AOL chat (yes, I know), and discovered that she lived very near to me. We met and started dating, and like a fool I went and did the worst thing that could possibly have done. I went and fell in love with her. Doh! Why? Was it the rebound effect? Was it loneliness? I'll never know. But the real kicker of it is, she had already told me that she did not want a serious relationship. Apparently, things hadn't been going too very well, and I didn't find this out until I had left for a week to visit a friend at Purdue. I came back to a cold reception, and was so delightfully informed that it hadn't been working for two weeks prior to our breakup. TWO WEEKS? Where was I during the first one???

This paragraph previously mentioned that I had pretty much lost contact with her. Well, that has changed. A short time ago, we talked and things seem to have been worked out. You know the expression "You don't know what you've got until it's gone."? I understand the true meaning of that now. As bitter as I can be about things sometime (and believe me, I can hold a grudge for years) I still have to just let it go sometimes. Like this time. Ever miss hearing somebody's voice? Ever miss just having somebody close to you... not just emotionally, but to actually be near you... even if it's just across the table at a dinner? I thought I didn't... or maybe I just wanted to believe I didn't. But we went out, caught a flick... went out for dinner... and when it was all over I was a mess.

How can anyone let themselves do that kind of thing? Now I don't know exactly where I stand... even in my own mind. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had everything all under control. Is it true that love is blind, or is it just deaf and dumb? I think love is just a word for a mild form of insanity. It has to be. It makes you crazy. And I'm not talkin just a little loco... I mean all-out, full-fledged, cow-flew-over-the-coocoos-nest wacked. And I am living proof of that. We are back on good terms now, and I hope to stay that way. I'd like to see alot more of her... for a multitude of reasons. She's fun to be around, wild, fiesty, great sense of humor... and she doesn't let me get away with stupid crap. I'm 6'6" and 300 pounds. It takes a strong woman to be able to force me into something completely against my nature (like not being stupid). And to top it off, she is just a very petite, incredibly beautiful latina. She's just a few inches over 5', and barely cracks 100 pounds.

I think it's the respect thing that makes me listen to her. I look up to her in my own way. I'd even go as far as to say I admire her. She's been through alot, and she survived. I don't know many people that could have. That's the kind of person I want at my side. It takes alot to make me fall, and I do mean alot. I usually boils down to my being the one doing the emotional support thing. But when I do fall... I want someone who is strong enough to catch me. And I believe she is.

WRONG!!! And boy did I find that out the hard way. We had been hanging out more and more frequently, and it seemed that we were starting to become close again. On one occasion we went out for lunch, and she gave me a kiss when we were done. It was just on the cheek, but that was enough. Only a few days later we went out again, and she had some hickeys on her neck. Ever get that sinking feeling like if you don't just let yourself slip into your own little world, that you're going to get really angry? What had happened to her not wanting anything serious? I give up on her.

Ok, I hadn't quite given up. Yes, I know, I've already been given the lectures from various friends of mine. And to top things off, her birthday is coming up. I had already made a number of plans, etc, to make this birthday really special for her. She had gone to a southern college and is a football fanatic for their team. There is one game in particular that she really wanted to be able to attend, but did not have the money to get the plane tickets for. Well, I did. Fortunately I was able to return them. I did so because she is going to be in Texas with the guy that she is supposedly not serious with. Funny thing about that is he is moving there. Now what's she doing going to the place that he's moving to? She had told me that he asked her to move down there with him, but she swore up and down that she was never going to do anything like that for a guy again. She had given up everything for a guy before, and got screwed. Well, here she goes again. I'm beginning to doubt her integrity. And one final thing. I had promised her that I would take her on a vacation to a tropical place, most likely Tahiti. I ALWAYS keep my promises. Well, I wasn't able to get Tahiti. But I was able to get Acapolco. So now I am stuck with two tickets (first class) and hotel accomadations over spring break... and no-one to go with. Oh well. I guess I go alone.