I will not waste chalk 
I will not aim for the head 
I will not skateboard in the halls 
I will not barf unless I'm sick 
I will not burp in class 
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty 
I will not instigate revolution 
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge 
I will not draw naked ladies in class 
I will not conduct my own fire drills 
I did not see Elvis 
I will return the seeing-eye dog 
Funny noises are not funny 
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" 
I will not snap bras 
Garlic gum is not funny 
I will not fake seizures 
They are laughing at me, not with me 
This punishment is not boring and meaningless 
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom 
My name is not Dr. Death 
I will not encourage others to fly 
I will not defame New Orleans 
I will not fake my way through life 
I will not prescribe medication 
Tar is not a plaything 
I will not bury the new kid 
I will not Xerox my butt 
I will not teach others to fly 
It's potato, not potatoe 
I will not bring sheep to class 
I will not trade pants with others 
A burp is not an answer 
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy 
I am not a 32 year old woman 
Teacher is not a leper 
I will not do that thing with my tongue 
Coffee is not for kids 
I will not drive the principal's car 
I will not eat things for money 
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart 
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call 
I will not sell school property 
The principal's toupee is not a frisbee 
I will not cut corners 
I will not squeak chalk 
I do not have diplomatic immunity 
I will not charge admission to the bathroom 
I will not get very far with this attitude 
Goldfish don't bounce 
I will not make flatulent noises in class 
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups 
I will not belch the National Anthem 
No one is interested in my underpants 
I will not sell land in Florida 
I will not sell miracle cures 
I will not grease the monkey bars 
Underwear should be worn on the inside 
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment 
The Christmas pageant does not stink 
I will not do anything bad ever again 
I will not torment the emotionally frail 
I will not show off 
I will not call the principal "spud head" 
I will not carve gods 
I will not sleep through my education 
I will not spank others 
I am not a dentist 
I will not bribe Principal Skinner 
Spitwads are not free speech 
I will finish what I start 
Nobody likes sunburn slappers 
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender 
High explosives and school don't mix 
Hamsters cannot fly 
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy 
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause 
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers 
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man 
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle 
I am not deliciously saucy 
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals 
I will not send lard through the mail 
I will not use abbrev. 
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun 
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal 
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage 
There are plenty of businesses like show business 
I will not dissect things unless instructed 
I will not hang donuts on my person 
No one wants to hear my armpits 
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface 
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones 
I will not strut around like I own the place 
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding 
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far 
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist 
I am not a lean mean spitting machine 
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan 
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap 
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things 
I do not have power of attorney over first graders 
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does 
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr 
I am not certified to remove asbestos 
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice 
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball 
I will remember to take my medication 
The boys room is not a water park 
Beans are neither fruit nor musical 
Nerve gas is not a toy 
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism 
The First Amendment does not cover burping 
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough