Quotes I Like

Movie Quotes

Peter: Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale... if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world... somebody lied. -Spider-Man (2002)
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Uncle Ben: With great power, comes great responsibility. -Spider-Man (2002)
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Peter: Not everyone is meant to make a difference. But for me, the choice to lead an ordinary life is no longer an option. -Spider-Man (2002),
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Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, what do I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! -Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997),
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Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it. -Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997),
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Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. -Billy Madison (1995)
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Billy Madison: Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out. -Billy Madison (1995)
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Billy Madison: T-T-T-T-Today, Junior! -Billy Madison (1995)
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Al Czervik: Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. -CaddyShack (1980)
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Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid. -CaddyShack (1980)
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Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key. Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. THE LITTLE BROWN, FURRY RODENTS. Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason. -CaddyShack (1980)
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Danny Noonan: I haven't even told my father I'm not gonna get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life. Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards. Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there. Ty Webb: I'm not quite sure where they are. -CaddyShack (1980)
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Happy: During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody. -Happy Gilmore (1996)
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Happy: If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass. -Happy Gilmore (1996)
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Happy: Son of a bitch ball. Why can't you go home? Aren't you good enough for your home? Answer me. Suck my white ass ball. -Happy Gilmore (1996)
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Happy: Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass. -Happy Gilmore (1996)
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Happy: I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the wrost. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive. -Happy Gilmore (1996)
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Linus: Apparently, he's got a record longer than my... well, it's long. -Ocean's Eleven (2001)
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Reuben: Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it. -Ocean's Eleven (2001)
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Samir: No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window. -Office Space (1999)
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Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton. Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name. Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys. -Office Space (1999)
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Peter: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door--that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh--after that I sorta space out for an hour. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. -Office Space (1999)
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Peter: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life. -Office Space (1999)
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Bob: We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week. -Office Space (1999)
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Peter: When I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. -Office Space (1999)
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Milton: And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire. -Office Space (1999)
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Beanie: Well, let me be the first to say congratulations to you man; you have one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart man. -Old School (2003)
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Lee: Not being able to speak is not the same as not speaking. You seem as if you like to talk. I like to let people talk who like to talk. It makes it easier to find out how full of shit they are. -Rush Hour (1998)
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Charlie: Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you got to believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Judy, Betty, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they made me horny, on Saturday morning... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love. -So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
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Charlie: Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"? Stuart: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass! -So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
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Harriet: Do you actually like haggis? Charlie: No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. -So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
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Harriet: What do you look for in a woman you date? Charlie: Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I'd really have to go with breast size. -So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
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Stuart: Would ya look at the size of that kid's head! It's the size of a planetoid and it has it's own weather system! Looks like an orange on a toothpick! I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow. -So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
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John Johnson: Now this is something the other tour guides won't tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a "bitch". And one night in a jealous rage Kelly took a make-shift knife or "shiv", and cut out the bitch's eyes. And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch's ocular cavities. (short pause) This way to the cafeteria! -So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
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Charlie: And I'd really like to kiss you, but that's not a good idea, because then we'd start kissing on the couch, and then we'd start kissing on the bed, and I don't wanna rush into spending the night together. Harriet: I'd love to spend the night together. Charlie: I have no problem with that! -So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
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Tommy: You can take a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it? -Tommy Boy (1995)
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Richard: It's called reading-top to bottom-left to right-group words together into sentences-take tylenol for any headaches-midol for any cramps. -Tommy Boy (1995)
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Tommy: Richard, who's your favorite little rascal? Alfalfa or is it Spanky? -Tommy Boy (1995)
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Richard: Try an association such as; Let's say the average person uses ten percent of his brain. How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is filled with malted hops and bong resin. -Tommy Boy (1995)

Motivational Quotes

"He is able who thinks he is able." -Buddha

"No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings." -William Blake

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." -Les Brown

"You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do." -Henry Ford

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." -Anatole France

"The best way out is always through." -Robert Frost

"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." -Langston Hughes

"If you can imagine it, You can achieve it. If you can dream it, You can become it." -William Arthur Ward

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

"In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down." -Brian Weir