Chapter One
Robin lit the final candle and smiled to herself. Christmas had always been her favorite time of the year. And this year Carly Roberts was living on her own. She still was using Jason to get money, but at least she wasn’t around anymore. The presence of someone like Carly in this place made Robin’s skin crawl.
"Why is it so dark in here?" Jason asked as he came downstairs.
"I’m going for a mood," she answered, "besides, candles are very festive."
Jason sat down and began looking through a catalogue. "Whatever you say. I still don’t get it." Robin moved behind Jason to see what he was looking at. "I’m thinking about Michael’s birthday," he answered. "I think he’d like this outfit. He likes bright colors."
"I thought you hated shopping."
"I do," he said, annoyance creeping into his voice, "but I need to get Michael some stuff. And I really think that he’d like some of the stuff in here. Ned told me that Brooke likes lots of this type of stuff."
She sighed and patted his head. "Well if you need any help, just to tell what it would look like really. I know that you have trouble with that." She sat down next to him, eager to teach him this. "Just close your eyes and picture this..."
"Robin, I’m not a little kid. I know how to see things." He mumbled, "Carly taught me."
"Oh?" Robin cleared her throat and stood back up. "Why is it that we can’t have a conversation without you mentioning Carly?"
"You wanted to know, I told you." He threw the catalogue down. "Look, you’re the one who keeps having the same damn conversation about Carly all the time." He took a deep breath and walked to Robin, giving her a hug. "I’m sorry we’re fighting Robin. But Carly is going to be a part of my life forever. She’s Michael’s mother." "But you’re not his father," she yelled. "I know you love him, but I think you’re forgetting that AJ is his real dad. I mean don’t you want your own children? Isn’t that what’s important, a real family."
He back straightened as se talked. "What is so great about family. I mean you don’t get to pick them. Why do you have to like them? Because you share some genes or something? IT doesn’t matter. I mean if you found out you were Carly’s sister, would you start to like her?"
Robin stared at him, loosing her train of thought. "Jason, that is not the point. Because I am not Carly’s sister."
"But what if you were? Robin, what is more important. The family you’re randomly given or the one that you choose to be with?"
Her face turned pale. "They are not your family. Carly and Michael don’t even live here. For some reason you want to protect Michael. That’s admirable. When you see someone who is too helpless to take care of themselves then you have to take care of them."
"Is that how you felt about me?" Jason couldn’t believe he had said that, or even thought it. He loved Robin. And she loved him. Didn’t she? He had always thought so, but then he began seeing Michael grow up. And sometimes he found himself speaking to Michael in a way that Robin used on him. At first he thought it was love, but what if it was more.
Everything Jason was, was because of Robin. Because she loved him. But he could never understand why she tried to change him. To get him to stop living the life on the edge he loved so much. Carly never threatened to leave, or never got angry at him for doing something. But Robin seemed to be constantly correcting him. Sometimes he wondered if there were more types of love than their were words for it.
"You know Jason, we better go or we’re going to be late for Uncle Mac’s party. You better go get dressed," she said sharply.
"I’m gonna wear this..." he started but after seeing the disapproving look on her face he started upstairs.
**************************
Chapter Two
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you’ll go down in history."
"Like George Washington," Georgie added, squirming out of Robin’s lap to got get a cookie from the kitchen. Mac and Felicia chuckled as they started singing another song. Robin left them to go see where Jason had gone to. She followed voices upstairs where Jason was helping Maxie wrap gifts.
"This is what I got for Robin," she said, holding up a journal, "Cause I know she likes to write and stuff. Do you think she’ll like it?"
"I’m sure she’d like anything that came from you."
After Maxie stuck a bow on the box she turned to Jason. "I was going to get you something, but Robin said you don’t like getting Christmas Presents."
He smiled, "I think I just don’t need any. I mean there’s a lot of people who need more than I do. Besides, why give out gifts just now. I mean if you really care about somebody you give them stuff when your heart feels like it."
"So you didn’t get Robin anything?"
He squirmed in the tiny chair he sat in. "I got her something, cause I know how much she likes this time of year and I know it means a lot to her."
"My mom says that’s what is more important. To give people things that mean a lot instead of just because they cost a lot."
He remembered the look on Carly’s face when she had seen the keychain he got for her. Jason had never seen anybody look so happy by something so simple. He had been watching from the stairs before hiding in his room. For some reason he didn’t want to disturb Carly then. In case she hated the present or something. Back then she was such an enigma to him that he never knew what to expect from her next.
Then he realized why she did the crazy things she did. It took some time, talking to Bobbie mostly, but Jason learned that really she was just scared. For some reason she actually believed that people were going to leave her if they knew who she really was. Jason sometimes felt that way; that if everyone knew the things he thought they’d hate him. So he kept quiet a lot and let other people talk for him.
Robin walked into the doorway, smiling. "Jason, I need to see you." He stood up and followed Robin into the hall. She seemed to be nervous. "Look," she explained, "I know you hate presents. But I got you something. And I’m afraid you’re going to hate it."
"Well what is it?"
Robin pulled a small box out of her pocket. Opening it up, it revealed a ring. "Jason, I want you to marry me."
Chapter Three
"Isn’t this all a little sudden," Jason asked, backing away from Robin. "I mean you can’t just ask me to marry you."
Robin wondered why Jason’s attitude had changed so suddenly. "Jason, this is what people do when they’re in love. They get married. You do love me, don’t you?" Jason didn’t say anything. She shook the ring at him angrily, "Jason, don’t you love me? I mean what about all I did for you?"
"Robin, I’m just saying...."
She pouted and began breathing heavily. He wondered if she was going to hyperventilate. "Jason, remember that night we met on the bridge. Remember how you used to act? You were killing yourself slowly."
He reached out for her, "Robin, it’s not...."
"No," she screamed, pushing him away. "Listen to me Jason, I need something more from you than stupid promises. This is what real people do, don’t you understand it? They fall in love and get married and have kids and live happily together. Don’t you know that?"
"Not everybody does that," he said. "I mean look, there’s lot’s of different ways to do things. Why do we have to just live one way or another. Why do we have to be like everybody else?"
She sighed and put a look of understanding on her face. "Jason, I know you may not get this. And I know you’re probably scared. But you have to realize that this is what happens next for us." For the first time ever she noticed the way she talked to him was different from the way she talked to everybody else. It made him feel sad, like he didn’t know what was going on.
He took the ring and looked at it. It wouldn’t be so bad. He owed Robin everything. She made him the person he was now. Although he didn’t really like that person. There were times when he’d find himself speeding down the road on his bike way over the speed limit, just to get that rush. And it took all his self control not to go kill Moreno for all the pain he’d caused Jason’s friends. But Robin wouldn’t like it. And he has to make her happy.
Although to be honest she hadn’t been looking all that happy these days either. In fact she always looked like she was about to collapse from exhaustion. And she was constantly running off or away. There had been a time when they were happy just dancing in each others arms. But now they were always fighting. Even when they did make love it seemed forced, like they were going through the motions.
"Hello," a voice downstairs called. Robin turned and saw Robin coming in with a handful of presents.
"We can deal with this later I guess," she said. "But Jason, we need to talk."
"But I don’t have anything to say. I just can’t live that life for you." Jason looked at Bobbie talking to Felicia and Mac and found himself wondering if she had talked to Carly. This was her first Christmas alone in Port Charles. Michael’s first Christmas at all. "Look, I like my life the way it is now, why can’t you appreciate that?"
Bobbie came upstairs to see Robin and Jason staring at each other. The tension was visible in their body language, even if Robin tried to hide it with a smile. "I’m sorry to interrupt."
Robin put her arms around Jason who stood like a statue. "Interrupting what? We were just talking."
"Anyway," Bobbie said, pulling a wrapped box out of her purse, "I was just at the Penthouse. Carly is in the middle of redecorating the whole place."
"We know," Robin hissed, "Guess who’s paying for it?"
"Anyway, she wanted me to give this to you Jason." He took the gift and held it close to him, afraid Robin was going to take it from him. Bobbie went back downstairs and Robin practically laughed.
"When will Carly buy a clue. I mean she thinks she can get you with some expensive gift. One that you paid for."
He pulled out the card and read it. It was quickly written by Carly on a simple white piece of paper.
Dear Jason,
This IS NOT a Christmas Present. Cause I know you hate those. But this is just a thank you
for being you, and for always being there for me. And no matter what happens I hope
you’ll be there for me. Because no matter what the future brings, I will always be
there for you. Just like that one night you opened up your doors and took a hysterical
pregnant woman into your life. Thank You.
Love
Caroline
Jason pulled off the paper and opened the box. "What is it?" Robin asked anxiously, "Another poor dead animal like that Fur she seems to live in?"
He smiled at it, a simple gold keychain with the words NUMBER ONE DAD engraved on it. He pulled it out and put it in his pocket. "Robin, I really have to go see Carly."
"No," Robin demanded, "Jason, you can’t always run away from your problems. Don’t you see that you’re living your life completely wrong. Do you know what it’s like watching you revert to everything you grew out of."
He shrugged and stepped around her. "Fine Robin, you don’t need to watch."
*********************
For a place she once considered the warmest and happiest place on earth, the Penthouse seemed bleak now. Maybe it was because it was so dark outside, not even the moon was visible with all the clouds. Or maybe it was just that the furniture was only in. Carly could only hope that once the place was completely redecorated it would finally be a real home. Although for some reason she didn’t think a few throw pillows and armchairs would do it.
The truth was that she and Michael were almost completely alone here. There were no bodyguards always hovering around to talk to. Not even Rinaldo, who was always so sweet to her, making her feel like an actually person and not just an outsider in this world that seemed straight out of one of the Godfather movies. But most of all Jason wasn’t here. She had grown used to seeing him stare out this widow at night and gather his thoughts for the day.
Michael had fallen asleep hours ago and Bobbie left soon after. Carly was life with herself, and she wasn’t always the best company. When she was alone she had nothing but her regrets to think about. And there had been so many. She wished she had been able to just tell Bobbie who she was when she came to town. But she was so scared of loosing that relationship. And Tony Jones had been the first guy to want her for something more than sex. He actually saw a future with her; Carly had never even thought she had a future before that.
She wished she hadn’t been so scared after Michael was born. She couldn’t help but wonder where she’d be now. Maybe Michael would actually crawl to her instead of Jason, who he loved so obviously. But she hadn’t been able to help it. Once she saw the baby she had struggled so hard to keep for herself it was love. And Carly was well aware that people she loved always left her. She couldn’t bare loosing Michael. So she ran away, at least until she got on her own feet and realized that she couldn’t let Michael grow up feeling as abandoned as she had.
But most of all she hated that night she drugged AJ. Looking back it seemed so ridiculous. But at the time Carly had been desperate. She needed to keep her world together, and AJ Quartermaine was threatening to tear it apart. Her reasons’ weren’t that strange, they never were... but her actions. Well half the time Carly couldn’t understand why she did what she did. Except she knew it was out of love. And fear.
The door opened slowly and Carly grabbed a book of fabric swatches to beat off whoever the intruder was. She took a swing but the man ducked and tackled her on the couch. "Carly, it’s me," he screamed.
"Jason," she said, in surprise. She looked up at him and smiled seductively, "Well, this brings back nice memories."
He stood up and helped her to her feet. "I got your present," he said.
"I hope you liked it. I paid for it with all my own money." She looked down at her bare feet in a contrite manner. "It was all I could afford with those limited funds. But I wanted it to be a real present. One you didn’t pay for."
"I like it," he said, placing his hand one her shoulder. "I mean I remembered getting your keychain. And... well I guess I know how you felt." HE cleared his throat. "I also think I know how you felt when you came to me that night. When you wanted me to help you."
"Really?"
Jason nodded, "Yeah. I think you finally realized that Tony was in love with somebody else with your face. And somebody who they made you to be. Even though you’re not that person anymore."
Carly cracked a smile. "Yeah, that’s what was happening."
He pulled at his shirt nervously, but Carly’s look, one of complete understanding, gave him the strength to go on. "Look, I think I need your help. See, I need a place to stay for a little while."
"What about Robin?"
"I grew up." Jason took Carly’s hand, holding it gently by her index finger with his whole hand. "When Robin met me I was a little kid. I didn’t know what was going on. And she taught me. But she also taught me bad things with the good. She loved me because I was new, and that she could help me see things like her. But then I also met you. And you didn’t think I needed to change really. And the more I go on, the more I miss doing the stuff I used to."
"Tell me Jason," Carly purred, "Am I one of those things you used to do?" He nodded. "I want you to know that I am not going to be your second choice. I would rather be your friend forever than to have you just leave me for Robin again."
"I’m not leaving," Jason promised, looking into her eyes. "I can’t tell you exactly what I’m going to do in the future, or even if I’m going to be around. But whatever happens I’m always going to be here for you. I just can’t make you any promises."
She hugged him warmly. "Jason, we don’t need promises. We’re not like other people. We’re us. And I think that’s just fine."
Jason kissed the top of her forehead, "I think I’m finally home."
She leaned against him and sighed contentedly. "Home." The word sounded right to her then. "My Home is where your heart is.