The city was dark, and quiet. The last light had been
turned out hours ago,
and now a gentle, peaceful silence had settled in over each home and
building, lulling even the most restless to sleep.
The moon seemed to smile down on the town, casting its dim glow protectively,
illuminating the empty streets and yards. Wooden reigndeer and plastic
santas seemed frozen in action, lively smiles and twinkling eyes forever
stuck in place. Strings of twinkle lights hung around trees and houses, but
no longer twinkled, toy train sets sat carefully placed on floors and tables,
but no longer ran.
Jack Frost was creating his intricate ice-art on windowpanes, beautiful
swirls and dips that would amaze the little ones as they woke up from their
beds that morning.
At every streetcorner hung a wreath, adorned with Christmas flowers and
silver beads. Shining silver bells hung from delicate posts, their clappers
now still and silent. In the shop windows there were beautifully created
scenes, painted snowy hills with smoking cottages and brilliant trees,
backdrops for elegant dresses or fine Christmas china.
For a moment a cloud covered the moon, and all was in total darkness, hidden
from view of anyone who looked upon the serene portrait. And when the cloud
passed over, and the streets and yards were once again lit, a gentle wind
blew and the snow began to fall.
It was Christmas Eve in Port Charles.
*****
The early morning sun streamed in through her half-open blinds, casting its
rays on her sleeping form. Her eyes were closed, and a soft smile played on
her lips. The thick, warm comforter was pulled securely up to her chin,
blocking out the chill that had filled the house the night before. One of
her slender arms rested above her head, and the other was tucked carefully
around her little sleeping treasure. Her soft, warm breath tickled his
little cherub face, tiny eyelashes softly fluttering as he slowly woke up.
He didn't cry, just lie there content in his mother's arms, smiling the
perfectly innocent smile of children, gazing around in constant wonder at
everything around him. He waited patiently until his mother began to stir as
well, her warm eyes opening and looking down on him lovingly.
"Good morning, baby," she whispered, her voice rich with emotion. This would
be her second Christmas with her son. It would be their first Christmas
alone.
Her eyes, which had before shone with happiness, now darkened with deep
sadness. Reluctantly, she removed her protective arm from around her little
boy, and stood up.
Two pairs of clothes were lain out across the setee, warm jackets and socks
as well. The rest were packed away in suitcases, along with the rest of
their belongings. Today they were leaving, to where she didn't know yet. It
was Christmas Eve and she would be out on the streets, with no place to go.
The tears rose to her eyes, but she fought them back. She couldn't cry in
front of him. This day had to be special for him, even though she was dying
inside. So she slowly dressed, both of them, and then made the bed.
As she stood in the doorway, bags in one hand and Micheal hoisted on her
other hip, she turned and looked back into the room one last time. She felt
the tears falling, but now she couldn't stop them. She couldn't look back.
Looking back only made it hurt worse.
Turning around and walking out of the room, she shut the door behind
her--shut the door on all of her past and memories that this room, this
house, held, and walking out into a future that she wasn't the least bit sure
of.
*****
The snow continued to fall as the sun rose and the town was waking up, lights
blinking on and chimneys beginning to smoke. Children were rising from their
beds, looking with sleep-filled eyes through the frosty windows in wonder at
the snow-covered wonderland just outside. Some had already dressed in their
warm winter clothes and were scurrying about frantically, none wanting to
waste a moment of the deliciously cold, snowy day. Some built snowmen with
crooked arms and eyes, some made messy snow-angels, soaking their clothes in
the process...some were content with throwing snowballs at their brothers and
sisters. A few cars drove slowly up and down the roads, people getting in
their last-minute shopping, or picking up the last touches for their
Christmas dinners. One family stood in their driveway, embracing their
relatives as they stepped out of their cars, laughing and talking animatedly.
Inside the warm houses, lively decorations brightened the rooms, beautiful
Christmas trees sparkling with tinsel and lights and homemade ornaments,
brightly packaged gifts piled underneath. The crackling of the fire and the
smell of baking goodies and cider floated through the air, only adding to the
excited, happy feeling that radiated without.
The silver bells on the street corners had begun to ring, loud and crystal
clear, sounding even through the caroler's warm voices as they sang on the
sidewalks. Santas dressed in red suits, with their long fluffy white
beards, stood at the entrances to the toy stores and malls, holding out
donation cups for the Salvation Army and smiling at the tiny children as they
looked upon "Santa's Helpers" with awe.
Port Charles was celebrating Christmas Eve.
*****
Her breath blew from her mouth in swirls of frosty fog, flowing from her
mouth and above her head, disappearing into the icy air. The snowflakes fell
heavily just inches away, silently landing on the earth and the piles of snow
that had fallen already this morning. Not a thing was left anymore that
hadn't been covered by the huge white blanket--the boughs of the great, bare
old oak trees hung heavily with it, the cars and rooftops now invisible
through the thick white covering. It had been hours since she'd stirred from
her spot. Ever since she'd found her way here she'd just been content
sitting, watching the snow fall and slowly erase the world that she knew so
well. She knew that just minutes away from here, happy families were
shopping or in their warm houses, preparing meals or wrapping gifts.
Everyone was cheerful, everyone's heart was touched and warmed by the
pleasant atmosphere that was Christmas. But her heart wasn't warm--where
there had once been warmth was now emptiness. She didn't want it to be
Christmas. She wanted time to stop moving, to stop making her remember and
to stop reminding her of the many things she'd had before that were gone now.
It was Christmas Eve, and she was alone. Alone with only her memories.
She remembered perfectly every second of last year--the way the city had
smelled and felt, the way she had felt inside. Decorating the tiny Christmas
tree in his apartment, together, and the way his voice had sounded as he'd
sang to her. The way he'd loved the snow, and the sound of the silver bells
as they sang out each morning. How much fun she'd had making his
present--the hours and hours she'd spent adding each intricate touch to the
painting, each note and blade of grass.
It hurt her heart to think about last Christmas. Every part of her still
missed him so much, it still killed her inside just to go through each day
and see the places they'd been together, to remember the things they'd done
and seen. Even the thought that a whole year had passed since then, that the
world had managed to go on....it didn't seem right to her. That the clocks
had still ticked on, rolling each second by and making good times distant
memories. That her birthday still came and went, as well as Valentine's Day
and Independence Day and Thanksgiving. And now, Christmas.
She sighed deeply, the freezing air invading her lungs, stinging her throat.
To her, it was refreshing. To her, icy death would be a welcome closure to
her life. But she knew that it was not her time, no matter how much she
wished it to be. And she knew that he would never have wanted her to end her
life before God intended it to be over. So she slowly stood, pulled her
jacket tightly around her, and stepped out into the snow. She began to walk
away, but just before slipping into the shelter of the trees she turned,
wanting to take one last glimpse at the precious spot. The boxcar stood,
like some ruined old shrine, alone in the small clearing, all covered with
snow. If she looked hard enough she could still see them, sitting there with
the fire going and Lucky playing his guitar, singing to her. But then she
would blink and it was gone. Just like it was always gone.
"Merry Christmas, baby," she whispered.
Her words were carried off by the biting wind, and disappeared into the
nothingness.
*****
She stood outside the door, frozen in place, every one of her senses
transfixed on the gleaiming gold letters before her.
PH2
What was she doing here?
That she couldn't answer. There were a few places that she could've run
to...where someone might've actually been there to welcome her into there
arms, to with her a merry Christmas Eve. Bobbie, or Roy, or even Chloe. But
she had instead come here, where once before she'd sworn to never return to
again. She'd come, although not quite understanding why, not quite knowing
what she expected to find here. Love? Comfort?
Somehow she doubted that she would recieve either. Every other time that
she'd even allowed herself to hope for anything from him, she'd been wrong.
So why should she be right this time. Just because it was Christmas Eve?
That wouldn't change anything. It was just colder.
In spite of all the doubts and questions that plagued her, she found herself
knocking on the door, found herself hoping that he would answer. Maybe she
would even get a smile.
But she got nothing, because for five minutes now she'd been staring at those
gold letters and they still hadn't moved.
He wasn't home.
She felt tears begin to rise once again to her eyes. It seemed that all she
could do this morning was cry. For two hours now she'd been walking around
Port Charles with her suitcases and her baby, trying to think of something to
do. She hadn't wanted to burden anyone, not now, when everyone just wanted
to be left alone with their families. But by now her arms were sore, and she
was tired and hungry and so alone. She just wanted somewhere to be, a home,
where she had someone who loved her and her son and where she could be happy.
If only...
More tears slid down her cheeks as she remembered before, when she had been
truly happy, if only for a short time. She'd had everything she could've
wished for...except his love. And without that, it just hadn't seemed like
enough. So she'd left, left behind all the good things she'd had and thrown
herself into that horrible place where she wished each day for something
she'd never get back. It was her own damn fault. She shouldn't have left
Jason for A. J. She shouldn't have given him up for a second time for her
husband, either. She leaned her head against the door, sobbing, as the
memories washed over her.
~*~
She knocked on his door quietly, then waited. After a few moments she heard
his footsteps, and then the door was open and he was standing there in front
of her, looking like a wreck. She felt the tears well up in her eyes.
"Oh, Jase."
She quickly stepped inside and shut the door, then turned to him, wrapping
her arms tightly around him in a comforting embrace.
She would've been happy just to hold him like that forever, to be with him.
She didn't need any words, didn't need him to say anything to her. She
understood that he was hurting and that he didn't need anything either,
except for a friend. He had just had to break his best friend's heart, and
in turn had his own heart broken when Sonny hadn't trusted him. She knew
what it felt like to be betrayed. Maybe nobody knew or understood that, but
Jason. Jason gave her the chance and took the time to learn what she was
really like on the inside, not just assume by the way she acted. Because all
that was just a front. It was just her protecting herself from everyone.
She felt him pulling away from her, carefully, and the moment he did her body
ached for the contact once again. But there was no time for that..he was
looking down at her, with those sad brown eyes, like he had the weight of the
world held upon him. She wanted to say something to him, to take away his
pain, the betrayal he felt..but she coudln't think of a word. For once, she
was completely speechless.
"Thank you, Carly."
Now she was truly taken by surprise. He sounded so sincere..like he owed her
something. Like she'd actually minded helping him for one second.
"Jase, it's.."
"No, Carly. I...I know that you never liked Hannah. And I know that you
called her a lot of names, and you really thought she was just a tramp or
something. But I also know..that in the end, that's not all this was about.
You were really trying to help him out, and I appreciate that. I..I couln't
have done this without you. And I'm sorry I didn't believe you in the first
place."
She placed her finger softly over his lips.
"Shhh. I know. You don't need to apologize. I've done too many bad things
to you in the past, you have no reason to trust me. We both know how I tend
to get carried away. And as for Sonny...he was wrong, Jase. He was wrong,
and if he doesn't trust you it's his own damn fault. There's nothing you can
do now. You tried your best to be his friend, and to watch his back, but
when you went to him he didn't believe you. So when he goes down, you will
have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Do you hear me?"
She studied his reaction carefully. She could see as that small bit of
understanding dawned in his eyes, very slowly, but it was there.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just wish..that there was something I could
do. I hate to see him so vulnerable."
"I know."
They didn't say anything else, because nothing else was needed. Jason saw
now that it really wasn't his fault, that he had done everything he could to
help out Sonny.
But she knew that it still hurt, for him to think about how Sonny had
believed Hannah over his best friend.
Jason pulled her against him once again, this time a little more forcefully,
like he needed something from her...like he needed her closeness. She smiled
against his shoulder. This was like heaven. Just breathing in the scent of
him..
But then he was pulling away again, and she was sure that this time she would
hear those words...'I guess it's time for you to go', or 'A. J. will probably
be wondering where you are.'
She waited and waited, but neither came. Instead he just looked at her, his
eyes piercing into her soul, as if memorizing what she looked like. Like he
wouldn't see her again for a long time. She was starting to get scared. He
had never looked at her like that before...
And then his lips were on hers, and he was kissing her and her world was
spinning around and she couldn't seem to catch it or slow it down. He was
kissing her this time, and he wanted it just as much as she did, and it felt
so wonderful that she was sure she'd die right then. And she was feeling his
hands at her shirt, grasping for her buttons, then reaching inside and
touching her. His big, strong hands so incredibly soft and gentle on her
skin, each fingertip leaving behind a trail of fire.
Her eyes were closed when his lips left hers, and his hands stopped..and she
was afraid to open them, for fear that it was all a dream, and she would wake
up in bed next to A. J. But finally she did, and it wasn't..he was still
there, with a delightful little smile playing on his lips, and his eyes were
shining.
"Carly, I..."
The door burst open. It all happened so quickly, and neither of them had
time to react, so that when A. J. walked into the room, they still hadn't
moved....they still stood locked in their embrace, Carly with her shirt
unbuttoned and Jason with his hands on her bare waist. And once they had
returned to their senses and the shock had set in, they still hadn't seemed
to realize their 'compromising position'.
A. J. only stood there in the doorway, his face growing redder by the moment,
staring openmouthed at his wife, in Jason's arms.
But reality eventually sank in and suddenly the room was a flurry of
movement--A. J. was stalking across the room torwards them, Carly was backing
away from him, attempting to button her shirt with shaking hands, and Jason
was standing like a statue between the two.
"Stay away from her, A. J," Jason growled, his voice threatening.
A. J. just looked angrier.
"The hell I'm gonna listen to you, Jason! I should be the one telling you to
stay away from my wife! What the hell do you think you're doing with her?"
"Just back off, A. J. Carly is a grown woman and she will do what she wants.
And if she wants to be here, then she will be here, and you are not going to
do a damn thing about it."
Carly felt an involuntary smile slip up on her. Jason was actually defending
her to A. J.
Her smile didn't go unnoticed by her husband, though, and his attention was
quickly turned to her.
"And you! You little..lying slut! How dare you live in my house, and sleep
in my bed, and take care of my son, and call yourself a Quartermaine..and
then come here and do God knows what with him while my back is turned! Well
see if you ever see my son again, whore."
The next thing he felt was Jason's fist as it landed squarely on his jaw.
He stumbled backwards a few steps, his hand clamped over the place where he'd
been punched.
"What the.."
"You better shut your damn mouth if your life means anything to you, A. J.
You know absolutely nothing about your wife, and you are not going to stand
here in my presence and call her anything that will hurt her. And A. J.? He
is not your son."
Carly slowly approached the two men. They were standing there, facing one
another like animals about to start tearing into each other. She slowly
walked past Jason, coming to stand in front of her husband.
"A. J. Can't you just.."
He didn't even give her a chance to finish. Because before she even ended
her sentence, he had grabbed her arm roughly, twisting her to him, and was
pulling her out the door.
"We are leaving here, Carly. And I swear, if I ever find out you've come
back here..."
He didn't make it to the door, though. Before he even knew what was
happening, Jason was on top of him, beating his head on the ground, a low,
strange sound coming from his throat.
"Don't you ever lay a hand on her again!"
Carly was behind him, struggling to pull him off of A. J., but at first he
just wouldn't budge--it was as if he had gone completely insane and was
unable to stop this rage that was coming from him. But eventually, he
listened to her plea and stopped, slowly rolling off of A. J.
Carly stood where she was, looking back and forth between them, not exactly
sure what to do.
A. J. still hadn't opened his eyes, but she knew he was still alive because
he was groaning terribly and squirming around on the floor. He was beaten up
pretty badly, though. Both of his eyes were already beginning to get black,
and his nose was probably broken. His jaw looked almost as if it had been
dislocated, and there were huge amounts of blood coming from his mouth. He'd
probably had at least one of his teeth knocked out. And as she studied him,
she knew what she had to do. And her decision had absolutely nothing to do
with what she wanted, but what she knew it would take to protect the man she
truly loved.
Kneeling down on her knees, she leaned over A. J., gingerly touching his
hair. He winced.
"A. J.? Honey, are you alright?"
He groaned loudly.
"What does it look like?"
She fought the urge to laugh out loud at him.
"It looks like we need to get you to a hospital. Come on and I'll....I'll
get us a cab, and we'll go straight to GH. Ok?"
At that point he was too beaten up to disagree with anything, so she
carefully hoisted him up from the ground, leaned him against her shoulder,
and began to walk him out of the room.
When she reached the door she looked behind her, meeting Jason's eyes. She
wasn't exactly sure what she read in them...there was anger, and hurt, and
confusion...but something else that she had never seen before, and that she
didn't completely understand.
For that moment, while their gaze was held unbroken and she was sure he was
speaking to her, trying to tell her something...she could've stayed. She
could've forgotten everything, given up everything, and stayed there with
him. But the moment ended and she was reminded once again of what she had to
do.
So she turned, carried A. J. from the room, and shut the door behind her.
She wasn't looking back.
~*~
Micheal had begun to cry when she was stirred from her daze. She wondered
how long she'd been standing there, leaning against his door, remembering
that night. It was the last time she'd seen him. Except for a few times on
the street, when he'd simply turned and headed the other way, without so much
as a glance...that was it. All save the phone call, the one she'd made the
day after. She'd called him to say goodbye, to tell him that he didn't need
to worry anymore. That she was going to stay away from him, for good this
time, and he could move on. And right before she'd hung up, she'd told him
that she loved him. She'd cried herself to sleep that night…and many nights
after. But she always felt that she'd made the right decision. Because she
knew in her heart...that if she hadn't have left with A. J. that night, Jason
would have gone to jail for assault. And he probably would have been there
for a long time. That night, after A. J was released from the hospital, he'd
warned her that if she ever was around Jason again, he'd take her son away,
send her back to Ferncliffe, and send Jason to jail. So she'd been a good
wife...gone to the Charity Guild and to lunches for ELQ...she'd taken A. J to
bed, even when it made her sick to look at him. And now she was carrying his
child...again. Of course, he didn't know that. And she didn't plan on
telling him. This was really the first time she'd ever regretted the
decision she'd made that night.
*****
It was now noon, yet the snow still relentlessly fell. Most of the children
had long since returned inside to their warm homes and sat eating warm soup
and eating hot chocolate. Chimney's puffed full blast, sending their dark
smoke swirling high into the sky and painting charcoal colored streaks across
the white canvas. The snow-forts and snowmen and angels had all been made
and served as crude yard ornaments, the pride of the kids and parents alike.
Some families opened presents or ate an early dinner, perhaps in preparation
of a late bed-time so they could all prepare for Santa. Soft, sad Christmas
songs played while lights blinked, and old black-and-white movies could be
seen on almost any channel on television.
Little tins of Christmas cookies and candy lie prepared on the shelves, some
for gifts and some being saved for later enjoyment. Somewhere in an alley, a
lonely old homeless man was being visited by a group of carollers, who
brought cups of coffee and steaming stew to warm his night.
And the tiny silver bells on the corners continued to ring out, singing a
song of joy and hope to anyone that would listen.
*****
He stepped off the elevator quickly, hoisting the bags up against his side as
he rounded the corner to his penthouse. He wasn't exaclty sure why he'd
insisted on doing his own shopping today...maybe part of him was hoping to
run into her at the store. It was silly, he knew, but he found himself
really missing her today. He just couldn't help thinking of how nice it
would be to spend Christmas with her…
At first he didn't even notice her sleeping form next to the door. The
shopping bags were piled so high that he could barely even see the door, much
less the floor...but as he went to unlock it, his foot touched something, and
he looked down to see what it was. It was definitely a shock to see her
there. She was sitting up, leaned against the wall, Micheal nestled securely
against her shoulder and sleeping as well. 4 huge suitcases were piled on
the floor next to her. He wondered what she was doing here...and with all of
her things. But that didn't really matter. He was genuinely happy to see
her, and Micheal too...even if they were both sleeping.
Opening the door, being quiet so he wouldn't wake them up, he stepped inside
and placed the bags down in the kitchen before heading back out into the
hallway. For a moment he just stood there and studied them. His beautiful
Micheal, his strawberry blonde hair fanned out across his mother's arm, his
tiny, soft little face looking so peaceful and innocent. He had missed the
little boy so much. Sometimes at night he would wake up, hearing cries, and
walk through the penthouse, almost expecting to find Micheal sleeping in his
cradle. But that was only a fantasy. And now...his son was here.
He shifted his gaze to the dozing woman. He felt that old familiar pang as
he studied her face, the one he saw in his dreams even though he never was
able to admit it…that perfect golden hair and her glorious body. To him, she
was perfect in every way possible. Almost involuntarily, his eyes swept down
her body. It was as if he was memorizing her all over. For a year now, all
he'd had was the memory of that one night, the way he'd held her and the way
her lips had felt under his. The way her skin had felt under his fingertips,
like it was melting against him. How sad her voice had sounded when she'd
called the next day to tell him goodbye….the way she'd said 'I love you'.
Everything about her seemed the same...except something. Something was
missing. His eyes paused at her hand.
Her wedding rings were gone.
He was really confused now. Had she lost them again? Or had she really done
it this time, had she really left A.J.? His heart gave a little leap, and he
said a silent prayer to God that for just this one time, let him be the one
to find happiness.
He hadn't realized she'd awaken until she was standing up, straightening her
clothes and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
"Ummm….Jase?"
He snapped out of his daze, his eyes quickly focusing on her. He noticed
then how tired she looked, the deep purple bags under her eyes prominent.
"Hey Carly."
They stood there for a moment, neither saying another word. Carly thought to
herself that it seemed almost like old times, when she would come and pester
Jason, and he would remind her that she should be home with her son and her
husband. That he was going to start wondering what she did with all of her
free time.
But now, she really didn't have a home to go back to….and her son was right
her with her.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out.
He stared at her.
"For what?"
"For...for everything, Jase."
His gaze softened.
"You don't have to apologize, Carly."
"Yes, yes I do. It's just....that night…when I left, it wasn't for me. I
swear, Jase, I did it for you. And for Micheal."
He stared at her.
"Ok…"
"When you beat A.J. up…I knew that if I were to stay there with you, A.J.
would have gone straight to the police. And it wouldn't have been an hour
before they would've had the whole PCPD down here, hauling you off to jail.
And I couldn't have that happen. So I….I went with A.J. Because he listens
to me. And he did. Sure, he warned me…he told me to stay away from you, for
good, or else I'd have a one-way ticket back to Ferncliffe, you'd be in jail,
and he'd have full custody of Micheal. He had control, and he knew it. So I
just did what he told me to. I was a good wife, and a perfect Quartermaine.
That's why….it's why I had to tell you bye, that day."
He soaked it all in, slowly. So Carly had gone with A.J. that night, to save
him. She'd stayed married to that man for all this time, partly to save him.
He felt his heart swell with love.
"I never even knew, Carly."
The tears that she thought were dried up were beginning to fall again. Jason
understood, and he forgave her. It felt like a ten ton burden had been
lifted off of her shoulders, and she was finally free.
"Carly, you look terrible. Why don't you come inside, and we'll put Micheal
down and….catch up. Ok?"
She smiled through her tears.
"I'd like that, Jase. A lot.
The faint tunes of the old Christmas song rang out quietly in the small room,
the lights blinking in time along with it. The silver streamers reflected
each shining red and green and yellow, creating huge rainbows that dangled
magically from the ceiling. The lights were turned out, and the television
was off, and the only sound was of that song. She listened, listened with
her heart while she lay there and remembered old Christmases. Christmases
from long ago, when she was still small and looked forward to that special
day with such livid anticipation, such pure excitement. When each and every
song had filled her heart with joy, and longing for the many presents that
would be waiting for her when she woke up on Christmas day. But now the
songs only seemed sad, only brought back memories that she didn't want to
remember, only made her wish she had someone here to share them with.
All of the presents had already been placed under the tree….collectively
there were only 5 or 6, all in uniform gift wrapping, a bright silver
irredescent color that sparkled in the darkness. One for each of her close
friends and family….nothing big, just small gifts so they would know she
still loved them. Hopefully they would understand why she couldn't be there
with them tomorrow. She just didn't think she could handle that. Instead,
she'd decided on staying here, by herself….maybe popping a lasagna in the
oven and making up some hot chocolate in the coffee pot. Watch some old
movies on the Romance Classics Channel, and turn in early. All in all, it
was be a perfectly dull day. Just what she needed.
She suddenly had a memory of one Christmas when she was about 11 or
12…..she'd been at home, by herself, and both of her parents were working.
She'd longed so desperately to have the tree up, to have the house all lively
and decorated, and far too impatient to wait for her parents to get home and
help her. So she'd done it herself-pulled the old plastic tree out of the
attic, along with all of the ornaments and decorations, and put everything
up. Moved around the living room set and made the room look just the way
she'd wanted.
And then her parents had arrived home.
She could still see the look on their faces, so fresh on her mind like it had
been just yesterday. She'd been so excited that night, and had just been
waiting and waiting for them to get home so that she could see the happy and
proud looks on their faces when they saw what their little daughter had done
for them, all by herself.
But instead she'd gotten shock….and anger. They'd yelled at her for hours,
and locked her in her room. Then they'd moved around the whole thing, torn
the old homemade ornaments off the tree and replaced them with the little
matching crystal balls…taken down all the shiny silver tinsel that she'd
spent hours placing.
She didn't remember ever feeling sadder during the holiday season. Her
parent's actions had broken her heart, more than they'd ever know or
understand. And it was a memory that she'd never be rid of.
Her cheeks were moist with tears by now. Just thinking about that still hurt
her very deeply. Because somewhere, deep inside her, she felt like if it had
been Sarah that had done that, they would have praised her, and told her how
beautiful everything looked…how perfect she was.
Sighing, she stood up and walked into the kitchen. She wasn't helping
anything by dwelling on sad thoughts. She needed to do something
constructive….go outside and shovel the sidewalk, or something. Anything to
get her mind off how alone she was.
Walking into the kitchen, a person would never believe that it was Christmas.
There was no sign of the season, no baked goods or table decorations. That
had been Gram's territory….and now…
"Oh, Gram," she whispered, her voice full of raw emotion.
The tears spilled from her eyes.
The wound was still so fresh, from losing her. It had been so sudden, and so
unexpected, that it had almost destroyed her. After…after losing Lucky, and
going through everything else, her Gram was about the only person on Earth
that she had left that she could go to…that the truly loved.
And she'd lost her too.
A month ago, her Grandmother had awaken bright and early, gotten ready, and
headed out for work. Elizabeth had been in a horrible mood that morning, and
had refused to even try to be civil to her Gram. As she'd gone out the door,
she'd turned back to her granddaughter and had smiled at her, that special,
loving smile, and told her that she loved her more than she'd ever know, and
to never forget that. And she'd reminded her of something that she often
said-that Lucky would always be with her, in her heart.
Her words had touched Liz, and at the last moment she'd run out to catch her
Gram, and apologized, hugging her and letting her know that she loved her,
too.
It was the last time she'd seen her.
She'd had a heart attack on the way to the hospital, and had swerved into the
other lane. A truck had hit her, head on, and she'd slammed against the
steering wheel. She'd had her seatbelt on, but the impact had knocked her
heart from its casket, killing her instantly.
They'd called Elizabeth that afternoon, and asked her to come down to the
station. That they needed to speak to her about something serious. Liz had
been worried….but she'd had no idea that this would happen. That she'd have
to be the one to look at her Grandmother's dead body on that cold metal
sheet, so peaceful and still. She could still picture her in her mind.
She'd looked like…like she was sleeping. There were no bruises, or cuts, or
bleeding. She was just Gram….still her beloved Gram. She vaguely remembered
seeing her, not crying, not speaking, not breathing. She'd passed out, and
woken up at the hospital. Ever since then, she'd been alone. All alone.
She was back in the living room now, sitting on the couch in the dark, and
listening the wind blow outside. It still hadn't stopped snowing. She was
beginning to think that they were having another blizzard. Maybe it would be
like last time, and everyone would be snowbound in their homes. She
certainly hoped so. Then she wouldn't have to go through the explanations,
wouldn't have to lie to them and see the look of pity on their faces as they
realized why she really wasn't coming. Then she wouldn't have to deal.
She was startled by a loud banging. It was coming….it sounded like from her
room.
Her heart began to speed up, and terrible images from Valentine's Day filled
her mind. It couldn't be…
She began to chant a silent prayer, over and over in her mind, as she stood
and slowly padded up the stairs. On the way, she grabbed something heavy
…not really looking, just grabbing and continuing on. The noise was getting
louder…and then it stopped. She released a quiet breath.
A draft of ice-cold air blew past her, bringing painful chill bumps to her
skin. She began to panic, her breath coming in quick, short gasps.
"Please God….please protect me."
She was in front of her door. Inside she could hear footsteps….movement.
She hated the thought of what was on the other side of that door. But she
knew she had to see. She just had to know…
Cautiously, she inched open the door. Her blood was rushing so quickly, she
could hear it pulsing in her ears. The same prayer hadn't stopped repeating
itself in her mind.
She peeked her head through the crack. Her breath caught when she saw the
figure. They were dressed all in black. They were sitting on her
bed…holding a picture. She squinted in the darkness. It was the old
picture of her and Lucky. Her focus shifted to the person. They were medium
built….not especially tall or muscular. She relaxed just a little, as three
words rushed through her brain.
'It's not Tom'
But still, there was the issue of the invader in her room. She knew she had
to do something, now. Get downstairs….call the cops, run….something.
She slowly removed her head from the door, and began creeping back down the
hall. She picked the wrong steps, though, and an exceptionally loud
floorboard creaked beneath her feet. She grimaced.
That had to be a dead giveaway.
But she still continued on. She just had to get downstairs, she had to get
to safety.
A hand clamped down on her shoulder. She screamed. But she still heard
it..his voice. That voice…she knew that voice.
"Shhh…Elizabeth, it's me."
****
Carly delicately sipped the steaming coffee, closing her eyes and reveling in
the warmth that filled her. She'd been at Jason's for about an hour now, and
she was already feeling much better. She'd eaten and put Micheal down, and
now she was sitting in the den and waiting for Jason to come back. Right
after they'd settled down to talk, Sonny had called and he'd run off,
apologizing to the last second.
She gazed around the spacious room, soaking it all in. Nothing had changed
since last she'd been here. Everything…down to the furniture and the
paintings on the wall, were still the same. Except for their picture. Her,
Micheal, and Jason. It was gone now, missing from its old spot on the desk.
She was sure she'd felt her heart breaking when she'd seen it gone. But
then…everything about this place hurt. Just remembering all of the
times….the happy times between them. This had been her hideaway, her escape
from her unhappy marriage and hellish life. Jason had been her savior. And
she'd given him up.
She ached to talk to him, to spill out all of the feelings that had been
bottled up inside of her for so long, to tell him why she'd hurt him so many
times. To explain things, to make it all right. She wanted to have back
what they used to have…she wanted another chance with the man she still loved
so much. But she couldn't help but wonder if he could ever forgive her, if
he could ever get past all that had happened.
Something inside of her, hoped so desperately for that. Picturing that last
night, how happy he had looked despite so much falling apart in his life…the
way he'd touched her, and kissed her, like she was something precious. Maybe
he had really started to care for her then, and maybe she had ruined it all
in one wrong move.
She couldn't look back, though. And she couldn't be sorry. Leaving that
night, no matter what had happened to her now, was right. She had saved
Jason, and she had kept her child. Her sweet baby was worth losing anything,
and anyone. Maybe she had at one time lost sight of that, but that night it
had all been clear. Jason would understand, and she'd known that. But that
didn't mean he had to forgive her, or go back to where they'd been.
Thinking of it, though, she knew that she had finally completed her plan. It
had been long, and terribly painful, but she had accomplished everything
she'd ever set out to do. She'd married A.J., and then destroyed him. He
had fallen back into his permanently drunken state, and had lost the respect
of his family and business all over again. And she'd gotten out, left that
place with her baby but not her pride. She was not proud of what she'd done
to A.J. Seeing him now, how horrid he'd become as he drowned himself in his
sorrows each night, she was sorry and ashamed of what she'd turned him into.
So Jason had been right, of course, all along. He'd always told her, from
the beginning, that it would be hard to hurt someone like that, even someone
she despised. And it had been hard. But it was over now, and there was
nothing she could do about it. A.J. had finally gotten tired of it all, and
kicked her out. She'd been anticipating it for weeks now, but things had
been so much worse than she'd ever imagined. He'd just been so angry…
She shook her head, struggling to clear herself of those thoughts. She
needed to move on, at least for today, and be happy for once. After all, it
was Christmas Eve, and she would be with the only family she'd ever known or
wished for. Maybe, after all, it would be a Merry Christmas.
***
She stared up at the man, into the ice blue eyes so intently trained on her,
at the nose, the lips, the hair….
It looked and sounded just like him, but it couldn't be! There was no way
she could believe this…she couldn't just stand here and accept that he was
alive, after all this time everyone had thought him dead. After she'd held
that charred pendant in her hands, had seen the building. After she'd seen
the stretcher, with the corpse covered with a sheet. It just couldn't be…
"No! No, let go of me! Get out of my house!"
She was screaming, screaming so loudly so as to block out her own thoughts,
her whole body shaking with fear and shock. She shook her head back and
forth uncontrollably, jerking away from the strong hand that lie on her
shoulder.
"Leave my house now! I'll call the police!"
He didn't leave, he didn't move. He only stared at her, waiting, watching.
He was carefully studying her reaction, trying to understand what to think.
He'd expected shock, fear, disbelief, but this….he wasn't sure. She looked
crazy, like she could jump out of a window or tear her hair out. There was
an insane gleam in her eye, like she wasn't really seeing him. It scared him.
Her voice was quieter now, more like a gentle murmer as the chanted to
herself over and over that it wasn't Lucky, that Lucky was dead.
But yet she still stood there, every moment inching further away, her eyes
never leaving his face. It was like some horrible nightmare, some nightmare
that she knew she would wake up from any moment now.
"No, not Lucky."
He watched her. She was getting closer and closer to the stairwell….every
tiny step she took backward, he felt the fear lodge further deeper into his
throat. He wanted to take her in his arms, to protect her and reassure her
that it was really him, that he was back and he still loved her…but at the
same time he was scared of what would happen if he touched her. If just
seeing him, hearing his voice caused this, what would his touch do? She
would probably faint. It would be too much. But something had to be done,
soon, or she was going to walk too far back and fall down the stairs.
She was about a foot away now, and continuing on. He knew that if he didn't
make a decision soon, something horrible was going to happen. He could feel
it.
She backed up a bit more, and she was on the edge, almost teetering, still
talking to herself in that hushed, frightened tone. He sprung into action,
lunging forward and grabbing her up in his arms, pulling her away from the
stairs and placing her safely against the wall. He pulled his hands away
quickly, praying that it wouldn't be too bad.
Looking at her, he saw her staring. She looked a little calmer now though,
and she was now silent. She was just looking, searching for something in his
eyes, looking for some spark of recognition…
And then she reached out, and she touched him…the most gentle touch, like a
whisper. He closed his eyes against the feeling. It had been so long…and he
had imagined this so many times, wondered what it would be like to feel her
silky skin again.
"I love you Angel," he whispered. He hadn't even expected it…it had just
come from his heart, the words he'd longed to say so badly that it hurt, the
words that he would sometimes speak to the silence of his room just to quiet
the ache inside of him. And he wanted just as badly to hear them from her.
Her hand remained on his face, her fingers gently caressing his skin, as she
continued to stare at him.
She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, felt the wetness but all she felt
in her heart was joy. This was her Lucky, he had come back for her and he
still loved her. She didn't have to be alone anymore.
"Oh, God, Lucky….oh, God you're back. You're really alive."
And all of a sudden it was all clear, and her heart exploded into happiness
and she was all over him, wrapping him tightly in her arms and placing tiny
kisses all over his face and neck and hands.
"I've missed you so much….I…"
She grasped him tightly against her, holding him with all the strength she
possessed, never wanting to let him go again. It felt so wonderful, to have
him in her arms again, to be near him and touching him. Her dreams were
finally coming true, and she had her true love back.
He pulled away from her a little, looking at her with a huge grin.
"I thought….God, I don't know what I thought but I was so worried that
you'd….I don't know, forgotten me."
She laughed.
"No, Lucky, I could never forget you. Never. I've loved you always, just as
much as I ever did, even more since you've been gone. When you….died…I died
right along with you, Lucky, but now you're back and everything's going to be
perfect again. We're going to be together forever, now, right? Promise me
you'll never leave again."
He pulled her back against him, stroking her hair softly.
"I swear on my life, Elizabeth. I will never leave you again. I will always
love you."
They held each other, for hours it seemed, just soaking in the feeling of
being with the one they loved once again, their souls entertwining more
tightly than ever before. They were falling in love all over again,
memorizing ever detail of the other, and it was more wonderful than they ever
could have imagined in all of their time apart. All of the pain, the
longing, the heartbreak, they both felt it, but yet it was all magically
healed in that one moment that they touched.
And when he kissed her, so softly and sweetly, it felt as if her soul was
being poured back into her, more alive and happier than it had ever been.
And she was right where she wanted to be for the rest of her life, in the
arms of the man that she loved more than life and who loved her back.
She was asleep when he'd returned. He wondered how long it had been since
she'd had a decent night of sleep, in a bed. Watching her, lying there
sprawled out on his couch with her baby clutched so protectively in her arms,
he felt as if nothing had changed. She was still living here with him, and
Micheal was their son, and they were happy together.
Things would be so much easier, he knew, if Carly weren't so complicated.
But then he wouldn't love her so much. He was truly curious now about what
was going on…why she was here instead of at home celebrating Christmas Eve,
why her wedding rings were missing. But he would never dream of waking her
up, for anything. She looked so peaceful now, and he had an idea that she
hadn't been peaceful in a long time.
He was thinking about that night again, the night she'd been here with him,
comforting him after everything had happened with Sonny. She had been so
caring, and there for him just as he needed her to be. Of course, she always
had. But that night…it was the night he'd finally seen it. He'd understood
that he loved her. No matter what she'd done to him, no matter how much
she'd put him through, she still meant the world to him and he just wanted to
be with her forever. Not even Robin had affected him the way Carly had. No
one had ever loved him as unconditionally. It felt good to know that. He
wondered if she still did, though. Love him. Could it really be possible,
after everything that had gone on and all the time that had passed? That
night, he had lost his temper like he hadn't done in a long time. He'd often
thought about it, and assumed it was why she'd left with A.J. Because he'd
scared her. But now, since she'd told him the truth about that night, he
wondered if she still did love him. If she would put up with A.J. for all
this time, surely there still must be something. And, after all, this is
where she'd come to in the end.
He noticed her stirring, and watched expectedly. She was waking up slowly,
instinctively reaching for her sleeping baby, moving him carefully so that he
didn't wake up as well. Soon she was sitting up and looking at him, watching
for some move from him to let her know what to do or say.
"Morning sleepyhead."
She looked confused.
"Huh? Is it Christmas already?"
He laughed.
"No, not quite. I guess you just fell asleep while I was gone. I couldn't
wake you up. You just look….really tired."
He gathered the courage to ask her what he really wanted to know.
"Carly, what happened? What's happened…with you? What's wrong?"
A sad look came over her, filling her eyes and drawing her face.
"It's just…things…at home."
She sighed deeply. This was so hard to talk about. Jason just watched, and
listened.
"I guess you could say I got what I wanted. I got the man I planned to
marry, I made him happy for awhile. But things….I wouldn't sleep with him,
and that irritated him. And then I started to get tired, of the whole thing,
I didn't want to be there anymore. So I spent more and more time away. He
just couldn't figure things out. And then…that night. You know. All of
that. After that, he started drinking. It got really bad…and it was like
hello A.J. the Alcoholic all over again. He sort of….made me start sleeping
with him then. And it was…terrible, at first, but then it got to where I
knew it was coming, and I could just pretend that it wasn't happening. That
he didn't disgust me. Then last night….he walked in on me and I was…looking
at our picture. The one of me and you and Micheal. I looked at it, every
night almost…it was the only thing I had left. But he never knew. And when
he saw….he went crazy. He started screaming about some nonsense…and then
he…"
She choked on a dry sob, coving her mouth with her hand as more tears fell
from her puffy eyes.
Jason felt like he would cry himself, sitting here and watching her fall
apart, completely helpless. And there was nothing he could do, because it
was all over. All of the damage had already been done, and all that was left
now was her torn remains, and her broken heart.
He went and sat beside her, placing his arm gently around her, and leaned his
head in close to hers.
"I'm sorry, Carly. If I would have known about all of this…I would have
found a way to get you out of there."
She sniffled, struggling to calm down. She had promised herself earlier that
she wouldn't fall apart in front of him, that she wouldn't let him know how
bad everything had been.
"What happened, Carly?"
She took another deep breath.
"He grabbed me…really hard, on my arm. And he threw me on the bed…he raped
me, Jason, and I just kept crying and screaming and telling him to stop but
nobody was home. There was nobody to help me, and he wouldn't listen. I
tried to hit him…I tried to make him stop. But he just…"
She collapsed against Jason, the sobs overwhelming her all over again.
Jason felt that familiar rage creep up over him all over again. Carly had
just told him that A.J.-her husband-her raped her, in their house, in her
bedroom. The man was lower than he'd ever imagined.
He held Carly tightly against him, placing a soft kiss on her forehead as she
cried onto his shoulder.
"I'll kill him," he whispered.
Carly jerked her head up to look at him, a panicked expression on her face.
"No! No, Jason, you can't go anywhere near him!"
"Carly, what are you talking about? Your husband raped you…and you're just
going to let him get away with that? Well I'm not!"
She grabbed onto his hands desperately.
"No, no, no! Okay, so it was horrible and he's scum, yeah I know that. But
I have gone through all of this, Jason, I have been with him all of this time
and finally, I got out of there with my baby and I am here with you….and
there is nothing worth losing that. Even revenge."
Jason appeared subdued.
"So you left? Does he know you're gone?"
"Yes. He kicked me out….last night. When he woke up. He told me that I was
to be out of the house the next morning before he woke up, and he never
wanted to hear from me again."
He heard the apparent pain in her voice.
"At least you're home."
She looked into his eyes, wondering what he meant.
"Is that where I am, Jason?"
He gently caressed her face.
"Yes, Carly…you're really home."
*****
The room, the house, were the same as before, in appearance. Still decorated
with the glowing Christmas tree and sparkling ribbons, same plain kitchen.
But yet, the house was different. When before it had been empty of love and
happiness and Christmas cheer, now every corner seemed to be filled with the
happiness that radiated from them.
They lay together, on the couch, simply holding each other. No words were
needed, they didn't even move. The closeness, the sparks that flew between
them after a minute touch, communicated so much. They were both back home,
their hearts swelled with happiness, and nothing that had happened since that
horrible day seemed to matter anymore, barely seemed to exist. It was as if
nothing had passed, and they were transported back into a time when they were
together and happy and in love. Perfectly in love. There was no talk of
anything that had gone on, no memories or thoughts of the terrible events,
only meaningful glances that passed between them.
Liz didn't remember ever being happier or more content, only just to hold him
and touch him and feel his skin beneath her fingertips once again. Even his
hair, which had now grown longer and was shaggier, was a welcome sight to her
weary eyes. Every bit of longing to see him was slowly fading away as she
feasted on him with her eyes, soaked in every precious detail and etched it
freshly on her brain, and her heart.
And Lucky, Lucky was just happy to be home. She was all he thought, all he
dreamed, all he loved. She was all that had gotten him through the months of
hell he'd endured at the hands of his enemy, only her love had helped him to
survive. And finally, he had made it back home to his love. It was almost
surreal to be here, in her arms again, feeling her small, warm body wrapped
in his arms. To spend Christmas Eve with her, just like the year before,
almost as if nothing had changed. But this year was so much more special,
more delicious. Everything was alive and wonderful and happy. Now it was
all okay.
Coming back to her, returning home, was everything he'd expected and so much
more. It had been pure ecstasy to hold her, and to feel her holding him, to
kiss her. They'd already tried so desperately to make up for all of the lost
time in a minor hour, kissing passionately with all of the needing locked up
in them.
It was calm, now, though…maybe because they had realized that they would have
each other for a long time to come, and that nothing would come between them
ever again. That they had forever now to make up for their lost time, and
then years more to live and love.
"Merry Christmas, Baby," he whispered in her ear.
"Merry Christmas, Lucky."
The room was dark and quiet, soft lights dancing and flickering across the
walls as the images on the television moved and changed. The people, in
their black and white clothes with their black and white clothes, were going
through yet another Christmas tragedy in order to learn the true meaning of
the season.
And she was a sucker for it every time.
"It's a Wonderful Life" had always been her all-time favorite, and somehow,
even though she never even recalled telling him, Jason had known that. He'd
even had it…said he bought it without knowing why, and so they'd decided to
watch it tonight, and celebrate the season quietly and together.
They had wine, and cheese and fruit, but she was perfectly content with him.
He had made her happier than she'd ever been. He'd told her that he loved
her. Those words that she'd imagined for so long, the words that she'd
directed at him so many times in hope of having something, anything,
returned, had finally been said.
He'd told her that he'd meant to tell her that night, the night A.J. had
caught them, but after then it just hadn't seemed right. She'd cursed
herself for ruining the chance at true happiness she could have had months
ago.
But that was all over now, it was all in the past and right now she had
Jason, and she had her baby, and she had happiness.
The smile that had crept its way onto her lips hours ago still dwelled there,
a smile she was sure she'd be wearing most of the time now.
Jason squeezed her arm affectionately, and she smiled up at him. Things were
so different now, and yet they were the same. He was still the same old
Jason, but now he was her Jason, and she could see in everything he did that
he did love her. It made her heart full. He would love her, and her baby,
and take care of them like her husband never had.
There would be no more need for plans or schemes or unhappiness, only living.
She'd never been able to just live before.
She looked back at the screen. The movie was ending, and the credits had
begun to roll down the screen, a slow old Christmas song playing in the
background. But neither of them made a move to stop it.
It was just too perfect to end, lying there in his arms and feeling warm and
secure for the first time in ages.
"I love you Jason," she whispered, not necessarily even for him to hear, but
to remind herself of how wonderful things were now, of how wonderful they
would be from now on.
"I love you Carly."
Outside, the clock began to chime. It was 12 a.m.
*****
The city was dark once again, and it had long since fallen back into the
silent darkness. All of the children were tucked safely into their beds,
merry visions of Santa Claus and his reindeer landing on their rooves and
coming down their chimneys to carefully place each of their Christmas gifts
below their tree playing in their minds. Hopes that Santa would indeed eat
the cookies and milk that they had so carefully prepared, maybe even feed the
reindeer some Sleigh Mix.
The lights and trains and music boxes were darkened and silenced, and the
jolly voices of street corner Santas and silver bells were gone now, replaced
by the howl of the winter wind.
Everything that had once before been lively with color and growth, was now
covered with the miraculous blanket of pure white that reached out to touch
every home and yard.
And the snow, which had been falling nonstop since the night before, now
began to slow…and finally, stopped.
The city seemed to sigh, a deep sigh of happiness. The air seemed lighter
now, hearts were brighter than they had been only a night before. Today was
the day for happiness, it was the day for families and love and giving. The
day that, years ago, Christ had been born in a manger, the biggest miracle
the Earth had ever seen. The most wonderful event to have ever taken place.
In the distance, the slight tinkling of delicate bells could be heard, slowly
growing closer and closer to the slumbering port town.
It was Christmas Day in Port Charles
*****