These stories are from my experiences with weed, the names have been changed to protect my hommies.

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	Close Call.
	This story happened one day after school. This was on a Thursday. My dad had gone away on business, he was supposed to be home today but i didn't know what time. So My friend Amy and I were smoking on my back patio, we had ripped like 2 bowls when I heard a car door slam , and seconds later Amy asked if i had heard that. i panicked and put my bowl in my pocket. Right away i knew it was my dad but i didn't know what to do. At first i was thinking of sneaking around and hopping into my car and jetting out of there, but then i realized the shadiness of that, and plus i had left my keys inside the house. So Amy and i walked around the house, my dad was coming inside the house , and i was completely stoned. Amy left but i had to talk to my dad. Now keep in mind my dad knows i smoke weed, well I went inside , he asked what we were doing outside, i said that Amy was smoking a cigarette. I knew i reeked so he must of not smelled the smoke at all or [passed it off as the cigarette smoke from Amy. I talked to him for a couple of minutes, then i went upstairs, and fell asleep for 5 hours. That is just a part of my everyday life, dealing with the secret smoking of weed , since it is illegal. Fuck congress.

	Cola Chronicles.
	So has anyone out there gone into a quicky mart after smoking and the person working was an obvious crack head?... Well my friends and i am always experienced with this. There is a local A-Plus around my house, There is a guy in the named Cola. My pals and i always make it a point to go in there after we toke, these next stories are from experiences we have had when we went in there after we toked.
	One time we had just ripped some major tubes , and i had a big case of the giggles. My two pals and I went in their , i grabbed a bag of circus peanuts (disgusting unless you are hammered), beef jerky, two packs of gum, a apple pie , and two drinks, both of which would be finished in record time. The three of us went up to the counter, we placed all of the goods on the counter. Cola said to us in the funny Jamaican cartoonie accent " what do you need all this stuff for", he knew we were high. So since he is a crack head, or just fucking with us , he started adding up all the prices of the food in his head, he then asked my friend , what 3.79 + 1.16 was, my friend could not have answered that correctly if there was 1 million dollars on the table. He said "5 dollars". He then proceeded to ask us how much we were gonna pay for this , the same friend said "50 cents", this aggravated Cola very much. We paid and then left laughing our asses off.
	Another time , around 11:00 after work of course, we had ripped a couple bowls in my work's parking lot. We then proceeded to drive to our favorite quicky mart, We were excited to see that Cola was working. I had put on a Giligan hat to cover up my eyes since i knew that they were more red than my dads cherry red Saab. We went in and i grabbed two packs of gum, (favorite food when high) and two Snapple drinks. We went up to the counter, and put all of the stuff on the counter. Cola saw that i was looking directly at the floor. He reached across the counter and pulled up my hat to take a look at my eyes. I reacted very late , seing in all i was high, i said "what r u doing" , cola didn't say anything. He added up all of the goods in the computer this time , the he canceled the rind in and asked me what 5.00 minus 4.16 would be , after a 15 second delay i answered "that is your job man". Cola didn't like this , he slammed the register drawer shut , and grieved a sigh. He then used the register like a calculator and found the difference. He gave me my change and then we jetted again laughing our asses off.

	Trash Pick-Up.
	This story happened the morning after a kickin' party. We were cleaning up my friends house, after the party and we had a shit load of trash and since we weren't supposed to be there in the first place we had to take it with us. So we left, we were driving down the road and my friend told me that we needed to get rid of the trash. I pulled off into a development , and my friend, lets just call him "Dirty Spic", jumped out of the car with three bags full of trash and beer bottles ( i don't drink , i just smoke). He ran up to this tree line and threw the bags into it. Then there was a Rolling Rock case filled with empty beer bottles in the back of my car, he just launched that thing on to this persons lawn , we were all high so we were laughing our asses off. We sped away.

	Vigilante
	So we were all sitting around at this party when my friend said that we should go out and get a box of blunts. I was up for it so I said yes, I also suggested that we smoke a bowl on the way to the shop. We all got into the car and started sparkin the bowl. Well let me tell you, that we got to the shop, and we got out and I was getting ready to walk up to the shop to get the blunts when all of a sudden a cop pulls into the shop and starts driving around , I quickly changed directions and went to stand at my friends's car window. The cop circled twice then left, I proceeded to go inside and buy a 5 - pack of Phily Blunts. My friend that had come in with me told me that a guy looked at us when I got the blunts . I blew it off considering how high I was. I paid for the blunts, ( I have ID.) and we left the store. We went outside and started heading for the car. My friend and I got into the car in the back, then my other friend was about to get in the car when this guy came over to our car and started demanding that we get in the car. I was scared shitless I thought that it was a cop, and I had an ounce on me at the time so that made it worse. Then I realized that this was just some guy. He then proceeded to start lecturing us about "he knows what we are going to do with those blunts" and he was telling us about how his brother died when he was driving around smoking a blunt ( i was gonna say that your brother is stupid if he can't smoke and drive but i decided to leave that out ). The guy was getting real harsh and I was telling my friend to leave , and the guy was all sckitzo. So my friend pulled out and we left, and if that guy is reading this, I could give a shit about your brother, he is a dumb schmuck, he is the reason why potheads are shunned.! Marijuana forever.

	Paranoid.
	So one day i rolled into work stoned out of my mind, i got my chef's shirt on and went downstairs to start working. I noticed that this cool as manager was working ( we always smoke up during work, like 4 or 5 times a day ). So i went over and said that i was gonna be in the mood for smoking in a bit, he ironically said the same thing. I went back to my station and started doing my work. Later we went outside and went in this secret spot where everyone smokes at work. We started smoking and everything was fine. Then after smoking a bowl i went inside to start working again. Like 10 minutes later the guy i smoked with came up to me and was like " yo' there is money missing from the safe, Larry called the cops, if you have any weed you should get rid of it, the cops might search us all". That freaked me out, i was high as shit, and i was going to have to be around cops, no way. So I and went outside and put my bowl and stash in my car, then i came inside. Seconds later the guy came up to me and said that they could search our cars if they wanted to too. I was like fuck that i have an ounce of weed in my car , i ain't trying to get busted. So i ran outside , and suspiciously pulled out of the parking lot and parked next to this farmers market like 100 yards away. I came inside and i decided to ditch my car keys in case they searched me. I pulled out a carry out container and jammed my keys into it , then stuck it is a huge vat of grated romano cheese. After that i felt good that i was out of trouble so i went back to work. So the cops came and they talked with all the managers that were on duty, then they left. When i saw the cop leave a huge sigh of relief came across me, That is just a prime example of how weed makes you paranoid beyond belief.

	Fuck the System
	This happened one Saturday night in December. I was getting ready to go to a club, when my dad and i started arguing, we were exchanging arguments when he said that i had to be in by 12. I then proceeded to give him the finger and said that i would come in anytime i want ( since i am 18 ). He was like "oh really ?", and said that i was grounded, he left my room and i was yelling. Him and my step mother were going out to dinner, he was walking down the stairs and i came out of my room and was like " Dad ", he was like "what ?" , then i said " when you leave i am gonna roll a FAT J and smoke it" he just shrugged his shoulder and left.

	Sucks for me
	One day I was leaving for lunch during school, I walked up to my car and saw a small plastic bag sitting next to my left door. I was in a bad mood so i kicked the bag, it flew and smacked against the curb. I heard a noise like glass breaking. I dropped my book bag and went up and picked up the bag, I noticed inside that there was a 5 inch long glass bubbler, it was broken. I don't know whether when I kicked it it broke or if it was broken before.

	Medical Marijuana
	this one day i went to school with a bad ass hangover from a previous night of binge drinking at my friends house.I ended up leaving school early because i felt like i was going to toss my cookies. So i went home and I realized that i had no herb because i figured if i smoked i would feel better. I ran into my house and grabbed my piece and went to try for a miracle. The miracle was trying to get my sleeping-college student of a sister up to see if i could hook me up with a pack. uncommonly she actually did not scream her brains out at my for waking her up, and she did fill my bowl with a delicious bud. I thanked her immensely and frolicked out to my car for a nice session. Not surprisingly i did feel a lot lot lot better.

	Bathroom Blaze
	This one day my dad left to go on a business trip, and since there was no one else home i decided that i would take a shower and smoke a bowl too, i decided to use my glass One - Hitter. I got out of the shower and placed the piece on the counter, i then placed my towel over it on the counter. I then later grabbed my towel and watched in terror as my glass piece shot towards the floor. "clang" "clang", thats the noise it made when it smacked against the floor, it then bounced onto the mat on the floor, to my amazement the piece was as good as new, just shows you how well made glass pieces are.

	My Mom's Find
	I can still remember the TV blaring out meaningless dribble, i had just gotten out the shower at my mom's house. I had been smoking bowl after bowl in the bathroom, while watching Cheech and Chongs "Up in Smoke". I smoked in the bathroom because my mom can't smell, so it was perfect. I had my Sherlock, a bag, and a lighter in my waist. She asked me to help her for a sec, in a different room, so i went to where i was sleeping and tossed the piece and company under a blanket, i told myself that i needed to remember to move it because i would forget about it later. I helped her and of course i forgot about it. Later as a was sitting down all high and shit , playing video games, my mom came to watch TV with me, she went to move the blanket around to get comfortable. Next thing i know i hear her say "What the Hell is this", i turned around to see my mom holding the bag and the piece. I acted like it was nothing, and turned around to play video games, i was thinking the whole time how i was gonna get it back. Minutes later she said he was going to get a shower, i immediately got up and said, give me the piece back at least, it is my friends, she did, so the real expensive thing was back in my possession. I then said that i want the bag back or she would owe my 50 bucks for it. she said no, she then started walking towards the bathroom, she walked in and i put my foot in the way of the door closing, i again said that i wanted the bag back, she said no, and turned around and ran to the toilet, she tossed the bag in and flushed, this was go time, i did a deke' move on her and ran around her, i lunged for the toilet and grabbed the bag right before i sank to the plummets of the earth. She screamed and was like, give it back or get the hell out, i said "later" and turned around, walked out and started packing up my shit, then rushed out of the door, i gave her a stern look, then got in my car and made the trek back to my dad house at 11:00 at night , and my dads house was 3 hours away.

	Feel Free to...
	This particular story took place in the midst of April, My pal and I were taking a trip out to the local Sporting goods store, we decided to smoke on the way there. About a half an Hour later we make it to the store, we go inside and buy our shit then promptly leave the store. My pal had wanted to stop and get food for a while so i agreed to go to a local food mart. We entered and quickly gathered up our favorite stoner foods of choice, We got up to the desk and the clerk started ringing up our grub. The clerk was a 20 something black dude, with preppie glasses and a goatee. After he got done ringing our stuff in he told us the total, my pal looked in his pockets frantically and then looked at me, he told me he had left his cash in my car. I gave him a dirty look and jetted out to my car, i got the cash and turned around to see my friend walking towards me outside, he told me how the clerk and the person behind us had noticed that we had a shit load of munchies food and Eye drops ( not for me, my friend thinks he needs them all the time ). We went inside and the clerk started smiling and laughing at us, he said " hey boys whatcha doing with all this food and eye drops", We sorta blew it off and started gathering up our stuff, right before we left he said that the next time e smoke to get him, well the next time we go around there we will definitely smoke that guy up.

	An Early Start
	One day i went to school, around fourth period i was starting to get sick of being there so i went to the nurse, i bullshitted some bullshit illness and she let me go home. I got out to my car in the school parking lot, i imediatly lit up this schwag J i had, it was marvelous, I got home and decided to give my dealer a call, once i pushed the send button i noticed it was only 10:30 in the morning and he was Probobly still dreaming, so i hung up right away, Like 10 seconds later my dealer called me back and i asked him if i could get some herb, he was down with that so i got into my car and drove over to his house. Once i got there i went upstairs into his room, he said i had to be quiet cause his friend was still sleeping. Well once e entered his room his pal was up and about. I bought an 8th and asked if he wanted to smoke, we all packed up a bowl and started smoking his 2 foot bong, we finished it pretty quickly and packed a couple more bowls, w had a cig , then his friend shook my hand and went back to sleep, i meanwhile went outside and hopped into my car and went for home.

© Lil' Bastard.