[Q & A] [Pick-up lines (wicked)] [Pick-up lines (nice)]
Q & A
1. Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
2. Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.
3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first?
The woman-the man would get lost.
5. How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.
6. How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.
7. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
8. What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
9. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
11. What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
12. If men got pregnant ....
Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
14. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
16. How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife?
Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"
19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
20. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
22. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
23. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
25. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.
27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
30. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
31. How do you get a man to exercise?
Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces.
32. What's the difference between a typical man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
33. Why are dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.
34. What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
Gifted.
35. What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
36. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know. It's never happened.
37. What's the difference between an intelligent man and a U.F.O.?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
38. What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
39. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because, even back then men wouldn't stop to ask for directions.
[Q & A] [Pick-up lines (nice)]
Pick-up lines
Wicked
"I'm drunk"
"I just threw up!"
"Is that a false nose?"
"Hi! My friends call me Creepy"
"I like you shoes! want to fuck?"
"You're ugly but you intrigue me"
"Do you know how to use a whip?"
"Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?"
"Do you believe in one-night-stands?"
"Kiss me you fool, fuck me you harlot"
"Hey babe, I have clean underwear on."
"Hey you don't sweat much for a fat girl"
"You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno"
"Lets take a shower together -- you smell"
"I bet you I have more pubic hair than you"
"My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it!"
"Would you like to see my boa constrictor?"
"My hands are fast, but my tongue is quicker."
"I love every bone in your body - especially mine"
"If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning"
(grab target's bottom, and ask) "Is this seat taken?"
"Would you like to come to a party in my tool shed?"
"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?"
"You've got whitest set of teeth I've ever come across."
"Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us"
"Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?"
"I *love* women who aren't afraid to put on a few pounds"
Guy : Can I have your phone # Girl: 493-Never in your life
"You're prettier than a beer truck pulling up my driveway!"
"Oh baby, you look so good I could drink your bath water!"
At the office copy machine: "Reproducing eh?", "Can I help?"
"HEY! There's a party in my mouth and you're invited to come."
"Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"
"I'm not looking for a relationship... I'm looking for an experience"
"I may not be Fred Flinstone but I sure can make your *BEDROCK*"
"I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that"
"I'm conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples"
"Why don't you sit on my face so that I can eat my way to your heart."
"Excuse me, do you want to go fuck now, or do I owe you an apology."
"Is that a mirror in your pocket cause I can really see me in your pants."
"I think you're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen... On a Wednesday"
"The word of today is legs. Lets go back to my place and spread the word"
Lad : "So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" Lass : "Unfertilised!"
"With one touch, I could make you make sounds that only a dog could hear!"
Customer: What time do you get off? Barmaid: That depends on how good you are!
"One way or another I'm going to make love to you tonight. but I'd rather you be there."
"You know, I'd really like to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it"
Irish: "Have you got a little Irish in you?" She: "Uh...no" Irish: "Well, do you want some?"
She (to passing man): "Excuse me, do you have the time?" He: "Do you have the energy?"
"Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't think I recognize you with your clothes on?"
"Can I take you home and wake up in the morning with my face feeling like a glazed doughnut?"
"Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up"
"Hi, do you want to have my children (assuming the answer is no), OK then, can we just practice"
Man: "Do you want to go get a pizza and fuck?" (assuming woman says no) Man: "What's the matter...You don't like pizza?"
Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum!"
"Would you like to dance?" (the answer is No) "I'm sorry you must have misunderstood me. I said: You look fat in those pants"
"So tell me, Is your husbund married?"
[Q & A] [Pick-up lines (wicked)]
Nice
"I'd look good on you"
"Hi! Can I buy you a car?"
"Hi, can I buy you several drinks?"
"Thats a nice dress can I talk you out of it?"
"Should I call you in the morning or should I just roll over?"
"I'd use a cheesy pick-up line on you, but you're too smart!"
"I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?"
"I like your shirt, but it would look better on my floor in the morning!"
"I'm in the process of writing a phone-book. May I have your number?"
"You're clothes would look great crumpled up on the floor next to my bed"
"If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold *it* against me?"
"Hi, my name is Scott, but you can call me milk 'cause I'll do your body good."
Man: "Did it hurt?" Woman: "Did what hurt?" Man: "When you fell out of heaven!"
"Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart!"
(to girl in towel): "Excuse me, could i borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo"
Look at the tag in her shirt and say, "I wanted to see if you were really made in heaven"
Man: Did you wash your jeans in Windex? Woman: No, why? Man: Because I can sure see myself in them.
Man: "Is that a spacesuit you are wearing?" Woman: "No, why?" Man: "Because your body is out of this world."
Lick your index finger and wipe it on your shirt then hers and say, "How about you and me get out of these wet clothes?"
Man: "Your father must have been a thief." Woman:"Why do you say that?" Man: "Because he stole the twight from the stars and put them in your eyes."
Man:"Do you have plans later?" Woman: "No not really." Man: "Well if your heart ain't busy tonite, maybe it and other parts of you would like to get together with mine?"
Guy: "Hold out your hand." Girl holds out hand, gets 40c dropped into it. Girl: "What's this for?" Guy: "So you can phone your mother to tell her you're not coming home tonight!".
Guy says to girl that has shot down other blatently sexual lines, "Want to go back to my place and talk about math?" pause for questioned face... "We'll add you to me, subtract our clothing, divide your legs, and multiply."
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