ST


Its Effect



As with almost all people, when you finally take that step of actually coming out, there are a few key effects on your life. Your view of a lot of things never really is the same again. No, nothing about you has really changed, but you do start to see things differently. This is how I started to see things and how things started affecting me. This covers about the next three months (the summer) after I came out.

School ended. I had talked to Jared, I had talked to a few others, I packed my stuff, I went home. I told Shelley. We broke up, but on very good terms. However, now I was separated from everyone that knew (except for Shell) and I was going to be needing some people to talk to from time to time.

I decided to tell a good friend of mine at home that was still in high school. One day while Eric was over, I told him that I was gay and that I was telling him because I needed someone around I could trust and that I would talk to often. I think at the time the thought made him a little uncomfortable, but he has since adjusted to it. All in all, though, telling him at the time got me no where. It was still hard to talk to him directly about it and I ended up having the summer to just sit on it.

I thought about telling my mom. Mom and I have always been close and I thought that maybe I should start by telling her. We ended up going walking around the neighborhood together every day after dinner for exercise and it gave us a good time to talk without distractions. However, in all this time I still could not work up the nerve to tell her I was gay. I told her Shelley and I broke up, but the excuse I gave was only half true. There needed to be a change in our relationship, we both understood that, and that was where it rested. Mom was sorry, but she was happy we were still on good terms.

I couldn't say anything at work either. I was working for some friends of mine at church, in a title company they were running in town. It was yet another place that I had to keep quiet about my newfound discovery.

All in all, though finally coming out was a very liberating effect, it also ushered in a new bit of self-repression. I had made the first big leap by being able to say "I'm gay" but with that came the knowledge that I was still adjusting to the idea and had a lot to get used to. I felt the need to be careful who knew and use a great amount of discretionand hiding myself from others. But to really go on from here starts a new section. In a way this part should be included with the next, but during the summer was not really a time that I grew as a person any. It was an immediate effect of coming out that lasted for about three months (for reasons partly beyond my control). It was when I returned to school that the truly interesting things started to happen. 1