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Sorry this page is so outdated; I haven't been viewing films very avidly lately. The reviews are organized in a haphazardly-chronological order, according to my sometimes-feable memory. Notting Hill Stars: *** One sentence summary: A cutesy, predictable, piece of fluff - that is occasionally really funny. Plot: Boy meets girl, boy falls in love, girl goes away, boy pines, girl comes back, they marry. Okay, so I'll admit that I went to see Hugh Grant. He infallibly appears charming on-screen. But it wasn't Hughie or Julia who were the real stars of the movie; the peripheral characters got all the great jokes and quirky traits - in particular, Hughie's crude Welsh roommate guy. Hughie's sister was pretty bonkers too. I also liked the incorporation of a disabled character in the movie - she kicks some ass at the end of the movie when criticizing a hotel on their treatment of those in wheelchairs. I think the only real social comment of the movie. However, too much of the movie is spent on the romance plot between Hugh and Julia, which is all cheesy nonsense. Julia basically plays herself. Hugh is cast in his tried-and-true role of being the humble bookish type. *Yawn*. There are some hilarious jokes and things though, so it wasn't a total waste of money. The British-ness was cool. Big Daddy Stars: ** One sentence summary: Same as Notting Hill's. Plot: Boy meets boy. Wait, that sounds dirty... Ok, irresponsible man meets little orphan boy and adopts him after a few trials. I laughed uncontrollably at the most rigged-up scenerios. I'm sorry! But the thought of someone falling down while rollerblading is funny to me! Ditto for pissing on the side of a building. And hitting people with sticks. That's it. Sorry folks but those were the highlights of the movie. The numerous breast jokes didn't sit well with me. Most of the stuff was pretty unplausible (C'mon - Adam Sandler a lawyer?). The movie is only funny halfway through - THEN Adam tries to hone some acting skills that he doesn't possess as "the responsible father-figure guy". It's sappy and boring from here on in. Eyes Wide Shut Stars: ** One sentence summary: More media hype than it was worth. Too much gratuitous female nudity. Plot: Man discovers that women have libidos. Man flips out and does some whacko orgy stuff. Kubrick's "monumental" movie tried to be some intense kind of psychological thriller... however, it was anything but. The revelation of the film is - are you sitting down? - that "Oh my God, women have sex-drives!". Perhaps this was groundbreaking news when Arthur Schnitzler penned the original novella in 1926, but it raises few eyebrows today. I thought all the "creepy music" was just lame - there was unbelieveably excessive use of a singular piano note to advertise impending danger. Not to mention a surplus of extraneous scenes; you sit there and watch Tom Cruise rent a costume for 15 minutes. There were these faceless naked women all over the place too, and it makes me wonder how they auditioned for such shoddy roles! I wasted $8 on this movie because: I wanted to sneak into an R-rated movie, I thought there was gonna be some kinky and/or interesting stuff. Two stars for Nicole Kidman's bare ass, and seeing her sit on the can. American Pie Stars: **** One sentence summary: Hilarious, embarrassing, kinky. Plot: Boy wants to lose his virginity and makes many attempts before succeeding. Stereotypical high-school stuff (jocks, choir girls, parties...). American Pie was a funny funny movie in the crudest way possible. Which only made it all the more hilarious. Highlights: boy has severe diahrrea in the girl's washroom, vomiting "contaminated" beer, "one time when I was at band camp..." stories, Eugene Levy, discreet sexual references (ie. "double-clicking your mouse"). The sub-plot dealing with jock-boy and choir-girl is very predictable, but the main plot involving apple-pie-boy and band-camp-girl is twisted and funny. I was pleased to see some competent female figures in the movie too. Warning: if you are over the age of 30, this movie isn't for you. If you are between 14 and 19 you'll probably wet yourself laughing. Act accordingly... Run Lola Run Stars: ***** One sentence summary: Unique, unpredictable, fast-paced, fantastic. Plot: Girl has 30 minutes to save her boyfriend's life. 3 different scenerios (like a "choose-your-own adventure"). In German (English subtitles). Ahhh.... I love this movie. I love it so much I saw it twice, and forced all of my friends to see it too. It is a true work of art in the sense that it provides many "slice-of-life" observations without being sappy, boring or slow. The soundtrack is something else - pumping German techno that keeps the whole movie energized. The camera work is amazing; such eye-candy! One of my favourite aspects of the movie is the split-second focus on the peripheral characters; you see all of the important events of their lives flash before you in less than 5 seconds (don't blink!). Time plays a very important role in Run Lola Run and the movie shows it's impact not only on Lola's boyfriend's life, but on everyone around her too. The acting is superb, and absolutely no Hollywood moviestar-types are involved. It's a wild movie - you never know what to expect next - and I'm dying to buy it as soon as it comes out on video. Go see Run Lola Run, and tell your friends about it too! The Blair Witch Project Stars: **** One sentence summary: I nearly crapped my pants. Plot: Some freaky-deaky stuff in the woods... I don't really know any specifics because I was covering my eyes a lot of the time! My friend spent most of this movie laughing at me, curled up in my quasi-fetal position, looking truly horrified. She thought it was boring, un-scary, and the camera work was too shaky. I was lured into the theatre by all the hype, but needless to say, I got really freaked out; I kept thinking "Oh my God, what would I do in this situation?" as I watched the three campers get progressively screwed. I couldn't even watch the last few minutes but sat anchored in my chair, eyes shut, listening to the plethora of screams... This movie was one of the most intense horror films I've ever seen, although many people will disagree with me. You never actually see the witch, but my mind conjured up someone more horrible than could ever be cast in a film. Those less imaginative need to see "the enemy" in order to get frightened, I guess. Center Stage Stars: ** One sentence summary: The dancing was good, the acting wasn't, and the plot was trite. Plot: Small-town girl moves to NYC, joins a top ballet school and "dances her way to the top", so to speak. I knew it was going to be hackneyed, but I like ballet and the commercials made the movie look kinky. The plot was so predictable that my male friend - who knows nothing about ballet and agreed to this film with great reluctance - preempted every move. Lines like "dance how you feel!" made me wanna vomit. This movie was all eerily familiar, too - I believe at one point it was called Fame! If you are a big ballet fan, check it out, but if you are looking for anything more than ballet, forget about it. Synonyms are great and highly descriptive; this movie is "trite," "hackneyed," "banal," and "clichéd"! More reviews coming soon (eventually): An Ideal Husband, Dick, American Beauty, Girl Interrupted, Here On Earth, High Fidelity, Roadtrip... NOTE: Caddyshack is STILL the greatest movie of all time. Home |