A TRUE BURGLAR STORY
>From a 1985 Mexican newspaper.

Yesterday a burglar died from a heart attack when he entered a home
in the pedregal area (Upper class zone in Mexico city).  The owner of
the house, a middle age lady, was alone at the time.  She said she
had just applied a beauty treatment of yogurt, avocado and cucumbers
when she heard noises in the house.  Since she was alone, she became
terrorized when she realized that a stranger was in her home and she
tried to hide in her closet.  However, as she closed the door, she
hit her nose with the door, which started to bleed.  When the burglar
entered her room and opened the closet door, she started yelling.
Perhaps the sight of a person with a pale green face and bleeding
nose was too much for the burglar because he died instantly.

Antonio Oliveros
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DON'T USE DYNAMITE

A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to burgle
the safe in a store.  On the safe door he was very pleased to find a
note reading:  "Please don't use dynamite.  The safe is not locked.
Just turn the knob."

He did so.  Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire
premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.  As the
police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning:  "My
confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."

Nancy Carson
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CLERK HURLS SPAM, FOILS ROBBER WITH PANTIES ON HEAD

DENISON, Texas -- It must have been quite a scene.  A bandit trying
to disguise himself by wearing a pair of women's panties over his
head was foiled in his attempt to rob a convenience by a
Spam-slinging clerk.  Police said the bandit tried to rob the EZ Mart
store early Wednesday.  He struck the woman clerk over the head with
something while she had her back to the bandit.  The woman got back
up and began throwing cans of Spam at the bandit, who fled without
any loot.  Police said the clerk was not seriously hurt, but she had
a knot on the back of her head and was sent home early because she
was "pretty shaken up" by the incident.  Officers said the man was
wearing black sweat pants, tennis shoes, no shirt and the women's
panties when he fled from the store.  "I've never heard of a robber
using women's panties to disguise himself," said Mike Eppler,
community relations officer for the Denison Police Department.
"There have been no reports of a robber using panties in a robbery
attempt in Denison.  This is a new one."

>From Associated Press, The Dallas Morning News 12/7/96