On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary.
Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dove soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on box bottom): Do not turn
upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (And whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate
machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction if we just kept
those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor
use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Hmm, now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet,
eat nuts.
(have lobotomy)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)