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- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diet.
- Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
- Perhaps you know why women over sixty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
- One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
- I finally got my head together and my body fell apart.
- The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
- Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
- Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
- Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
- If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
- You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
- I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
- Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
- It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
- Age is important only if you're cheese and wine.
- The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
- Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
- Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
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