Just a few deep thoughts…

 

- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.  On my desk, I have a work station...

 

- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

 

- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

 

- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

 

- I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

 

- I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . they were cramming for their finals.

 

- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?  Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

 

- How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

 

- If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

 

- If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

 

- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

 

- Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

 

- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

 

- If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

 

- If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

 

- I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

 

- So what's the speed of dark?

 

- After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

 

- Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

 

- If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

 

- I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

 

- Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

 

- Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

 

- Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

 

- Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

 

- How come abbreviated is such a long word?

 

- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

 

-I'm not a conservitive or a libiral. I'm a pragmatist, that means that I think everybody is an asshole but me.

 

-Who was the first guy to think of milking a cow?

 

-Why don't they make the entire plane out of the same stuff they make the indestructible black box out of?

 

-Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

 

-Another good place to get chicks would be at an abortion ralley, because you can bet that it's not a bunch of virgins running around

out there.

 

-Don't ya hate when your in bed with three women, and the least attrachtive one say "save it for me"

 

-I bet a good place to pick up chicks would be at lamonze classes, cause you are pretty sure those chicks put out.

 

-Why don't Kain and the Undertaker just shoot each other with lightning?

 

-The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.

 

-If you mail a letter to the post office, who deliver's it?

 

-Rarely does a loose woman have a tight pu--y

 

-When the going gets tough, I go home

 

-I wish that there was at least one perfectly round state

 

-If the shoe fits, find the other one

 

-I have to go to bed early, because my favorite dream comes on at nine

 

-I'd rather be in Chyna

 

-If you buy checks in the mail, what happenes if you accidently use the last one before you order more, how do you pay for the

new ones?

 

-When I see somebody running for exercice, they are never smilling

 

-There are really only two places in the world: here and there

 

-The bigger they are the worse they smell

 

-I hardly ever watch Sesame Street any more, I know most of that stuff

 

-If it ain't broke, break it

 

-My phone number is 14, I got one of the early ones

 

-If you can't beat 'em, pay somebody to beat them

 

-Hard work is for people short on talent

 

-Ugly people are the only ones that say "it's on the inside that counts"

 

-If the bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out?

 

-When are they going to make up some new Christmas songs?

 

-You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks

 

They say two wrongs don't make a right, but I heard 18 wrongs make a right

 

-The Twins eat Sh-t

 

-Why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?

 

-Why do you have a hot-water heater when you don't need to heat hot water?

 

-Why is an orange an orange and an apple not a red?

 

-Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?

 

-What do they pack styrofoam in?

 

-Why did God give men nipples?

 

-If buttered toast always lands butter-side down, and a cat always lands on its feet. What would happen if you tied a piece of

buttered toast on the back of a cat?

 

-Is grass really greener on the other side?

 

-Do boxer shorts box?

 

-Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra?

 

-If Corn Oil comes from Corn, what does Baby Oil come from?

 

-If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do you get Teflon to stick to a pan?

 

-Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

 

-Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

 

-Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

 

-Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

 

-Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

 

-Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

 

-Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

 

-How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

 

-If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

 

-If a cow laughs, does milk come out it's nose?

 

-If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on you headlights, what happens?

 

-You know how most packages say "Open here." What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else?"

 

-Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

 

-Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment , but when you transport something by ship it's called

cargo?

 

-You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same

substance?

 

-Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address, you turn the radio down?

 

-Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

 

-Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

 

-What does Geranimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

 

-If fire fighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

 

-Why ask why? Try Bud dry. Then again, if Bud's made from water, how can it be dry?

 

-Why is there a Permanent Press setting on an iron if it does not work?

 

-Why is keyboard called a keyboard if it only has little buttons?

 

-Do you think the Assassination Museum was created after JFK's assassination?

 

-If pot grows naturally, and we outlaw pot (nature), are we outlawing God?

 

-Does miniature golf enhance a drug trip?

 

-When an elevator is illegally overloaded with passengers, who is criminally responsible?

 

-Why do cornflakes and Sugar Frosted Flakes have the same number of calorie s per serving?

 

-How do they unclog mail chutes in skyscrapers?

 

-Why are US elections held on Tuesdays?

 

-Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes?

 

-Which fruits are in Juicy Fruit gum?

 

-Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bed post overnight?

 

-Why can't you find fresh sardines in a fish market?

 

-Why aren't there seat belts in buses and taxicabs?

 

-Why does rootbeer taste flatter than any other colas?

 

-Why do other people hear our voices different than we do?

 

-If trailer parks didn't exist, would tornadoes exist?

 

-Where do they get that awful music for ice skating?

 

-Why does X stand for a kiss?

 

-Why does O stand for a hug?

 

-Why is saffron so expensive?

 

-What is the purpose of the red string on Band-Aid brand adhesive packages ?

 

-Why did Nabisco eliminate the red string on the wrappers of its Saltine two and four packs?

 

- Why do Wintergreen Life Savers sparkle in the dark?

 

-What's the funny beep on the radio just before the network news?

 

-Why do we itch?

 

-Why do the minute hands on school clocks always click backward before advancing?

 

-What causes holes in Swiss cheese?

 

-How was the order of the alphabet determined?

 

-Why don't penguins in the Antarctic ever get frostbite?

 

-Why do we tie shoes on the back of newlyweds' cars?

 

-How does Kraft get the five ounces into every slice of American Singles?

 

-Why don't we get goosebumps on our faces?

 

-What is the purpose of the little ball on top of the flag pole?

 

-Why is Jack a nickname for John?

 

-Why do Curad bandages sparkle when you open them?

 

-Why do your feet swell on an airplane?

 

-Why do doughnuts have holes?

 

-How do they get the cream in the twinkie?

 

-Why do some ranchers put old boots on fenceposts?

 

-Why do bananas grow upward and all other fruits grow downward?

 

-Do toilet seats really protect us against anything?

 

-Why do men's bicycles have crossbars?

 

-Why are most homes white?

 

-Why do old women dye their hair blue?

 

-Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

 

-Why are cows milked from the right side?

 

-Why are the toilet flush handles on the left side?

 

-Why does a soda taste better in a small bottle than in a large bottle or can?

 

-Why do firehouses have dalmatians?

 

-Why is 40% called 80 proof?

 

-Why does unscented hairspray smell?

 

-Why can't we make newspapers that don't smudge?

 

-Why do we have to DRY clean raincoats?

 

-Why do you often see a shoe lying on the side of the street?

 

-Why are there more brown M&M's than any other color?

 

-Why is yawning contagious?

 

-Where do swear words come from?

 

-Why are movie theaters always so cold?

 

-Why is everything in Texas so big?

 

-Why are school buses painted yellow?

 

-Where does the lost sock in the washers and dryers go?

 

-Why are jeans so hard to fit into?

 

-Why is a black light not black?

 

-Why does glass eventually get thicker towards the bottom?

 

-If taught, do gorillas really understand sign language?

 

-Why do brown eyes see better in the sun than blue eyes?

 

-Why do scars never go away?

 

-Who killed JFK?

 

-How does the Cheshire cat only show his smile?

 

-What did Robinson Caruso do with Friday on Saturday night?

 

-Why don't we get dizzy from the world spinning so fast?

 

-Why is it called a Ceasar's salad, did he invent it?

 

-How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

 

-Who really took a bite out of the Apple logo?

 

-Why and how did your grandpa walk uphill both ways through 32 feet of snow butt naked to get to school?

 

-Why is it called football when you really don't use your feet at all?

 

-How does one actually zip their lip?

 

-Can your face actually freeze while making ugly faces?

 

-If you eat your peas, will a kid in South America stop starving?