Why did I start this web page ?
Why have an affair?
Who are you looking for?
Who is this site for?
Message board
Adultery is a filthy disgusting sin!
My spouse had an affair and it's wrecked our marriage
Adrian's rules of adultery
Advice from other people
Myths
Be honest
Be careful
Be safe
Be fair
Feature films (Movies) featuring affairs
How can I meet someone?
Personal adverts web sites
Where can we go??
Books on the subject of Adultery and extra-marital affairs
Other www adultery resources - web pages and mailing lists
Old Guestbooks
Feedback
After some time on the net it became obvious to me that there was an abundance of resources for people who were single, gay, lesbian, sadists, masochists, swinging couples, polyamourous etc. and very little for married men and women seeking a conventional 'affair'. Rightly or wrongly I decided to fill that vacuum.
Make sure you can answer this question; are you hoping to boost your self-esteem? Is it a cry for help? Are you trying to 'get back' at your partner? Are you trying to re-capture that feeling early on in your relationship when both of you couldn't wait to rip each others' clothes off, force your tongues down each others' throats and pant and groan as you ......(quick nurse, time for Adrian's injection). Don't embark on an affair if what you are really after is a better social life, it is not the same thing. Get your mind sorted out first, if you are not sure, don't do it!
Top
Remember you are not looking for a 'trophy girl/boyfriend' to show off to your friends so this opens up a whole range of people of whom you might otherwise be ashamed but who nevertheless get you excited. A bit like driving a four door saloon car year in, year out and then hiring a four wheel drive jeep with balloon tyres and a gun rack on holiday.
Top
It is for married men and women who have had or are open minded about having an affair. It is not for swinging couples, gay men, men looking for prostitutes, lesbians or the polyamourous - there are other web resources for these people (and good luck to them).
Top
The message board is intended for people to post their own adverts. It is not for jokes, abuse, selling bicycles etc. Please make the title brief and to the point using easy to understand abbreviations - eg. UK London, M34 seeks older woman etc.
Top
This is a valid opinion and you are entitled to hold it. You probably have a good marriage and love your spouse very much, others are not necessarily so lucky. Please try to be tolerant of people who look outside of their marriage for what is missing within it. Some people feel that an affair is prefereable to divorce or separation.
Top
I started this web page from the point of view of the participants of an affair but from some of the emails I receive, I am rapidly learning more about other aspects of adultery. There is no rule that says a marriage has to end because one party is unfaithful, on the other hand there is no hard and fast rule to the contrary. Have a look at 'The other woman' web site it may help you.
Top
Live by these rules - but don't write them down!
Rule no. 1 - Never have an affair with a work colleague, neighbour, friend of your spouse or a member of your or your spouse's family.
Rule no. 2 - Never confide in your best friend.
Rule no. 3 - Always use a condom.
Rule no. 4 - Men - never take her back to your house (I assume that your wife does the cleaning and would notice stray items of lingerie which have been lost in the heat of the moment. The same goes for the car but to a lesser extent.
Rule no. 5 - Whenever you are out in public with your lover, always have a plausible explanation for where you are and who you are with, just in case you meet someone you know.
Rule no. 6 - Never use a credit card
Top
Advice from other people
Some advice I have received from other people
Top
1) All these men have affairs (and no women do). Unless all the men are gay or they all have affairs with the same woman in Billericay (possible but unlikely).
2) Surely I shall be found out? Maybe but maybe not if you are careful. Check out Keep Your Secrets. See Be careful below.
Top
(Up to a point) Don't start a relationship claiming to be single and available when you are not. People can get really vindictive if they feel they have been messed about.
Top
Don't expose yourself to unnecessary risks. Be careful not to do things which will give you away. Avoid having a relationship with someone who has less to lose than you do if the affair becomes public knowledge - particularly avoid out-of-work actresses who could gain from the publicity. Another married person is a much safer bet. Do not have an affair with one of your partner's friends or relatives. Don't buy condoms in bulk and leave the box at home, buy enough for each liaison at a time. Avoid using cheques and credit cards for hotels and restaurants. Don't keep a detailed diary (do I need to tell you this?). Check out these web sites which offer advice on how to detect a cheating spouse - Busted you! - http://www.bustedyouonline.com and Cheater Buster - http://www.cheaterbuster.com. Some more advice at Manhaters
Top
Take normal precautions to avoid practical jokes, physical assault, robbery and blackmail. Always speak to a person on the telephone before meeting, don't arrange a meeting on the basis of an email message, there are a lot of men out there pretending to be women. If a woman describes herself in great detail - dress size, bust measurement, cup size etc. beware, women don't usually do this, particularly not if they are a 34GG. Meet in a public place where it doesn't matter if your wife's best friend sees you and where there will be other people around, a pub at lunchtime should be OK. Be wary of giving too many personal details, stick to first names if possible and be vague about where you live and work. Don't expect too much personal information from others, if they are uncomfortable giving you a last name, let it go. Don't place a lot of importance on photographs, not everyone has the facilities for scanning a photograph and if they do send you one it could be of someone else. Don't bring diseases home with you. Sexually transmitted diseases are still on the rise, at least wear a condom (every time).
Safe Internet Dating Tips and advice on how to date safely online.
Safe Dating
WildxAngel - the Risks and Hazards of Internet Dating
Dating: PLAYING IT SAFE ONLINE, by Linda J. Alexander, Esq.
Top
When the affair is over accept it gracefully - it hurts less that way.
Top
- my favourites: Brief Encounter, A Guide for the Married Man & Same Time, Next Year
Top
You can meet the right person on a bus or in a lift but not everyone is RFA (ripe for an affair). Some local newspapers have a 'lonely hearts' page, covered in advertisements. It is usually free to place an advert but you have to dial a premium rate number to reply to one or to hear messages left for you. People will generally expect you to be single when using these services unless you say otherwise.
You could always start by posting a message in my message board! If you don't want to use your regular email address, open an email account with Yahoo !Include your name or nickname, email address, approximate age and location and a few well chosen words. You could increase your chances significantly by using some of the internet based personal ads facilities below.
Personal adverts web pages. There are many which offer a free service.
Newsgroups:
UK.ADVERTS.PERSONALS - see the FAQ
ALT.UK.MEN.SEEKING.WOMAN
ALT.UK.WOMEN.SEEKING.MAN
ALT.DATING.UK.SOUTH-EAST
Top
Obviously you can go to your place or his/her place if you are really careful or spend the night in a hotel if you can find a pretext for being away from home all night but what about 'hot sheet' hotels where you can rent by the hour? In London the thing to ask for is 'day rates'. Look in the Yellow Pages and find an area of the city that has lots of hotels, telephone and ask: 'do you do day rates?' If they do they will say yes and you can ask how much, say you are travelling from somewhere and need somewhere for a couple of hours to relax and freshen up. Avoid hotels which say things like 'family run' or 'Christian establishment'. The going rate for this is about half the nightly rate. This seems to work for small private hotels, does it work for large chains as well?
Top
Here is a list of books on the subject.
Top
Here are lots of web sites, newsgroups and discussion groups on the subject of adultery.
Top
Have a look at the old guestbooks - but please don't post anything there!
Top
Please email feedback to me, I'd love to hear from you!
hits since 1st January (7765 in 2005 (total 225315), 30425 in 2004, 39959 in 2003, 37539 in 2002, 109640 hits in 2000 & 2001, 47163 hits from April - December 1999)
