I am going to marry Chris. Don't get too worked up.  He hasn't asked yet, but I know he will soon. Before the end of the year, I'm positive.  And I love this man more than I can say. Every time you and I have been on the phone and you have asked me about my future with Chris,I choke up.   I am  terrified, deep down, that if I utter it somehow it won't come to pass. That if I include the people I love in this relationship with this man I adore, somehow I will end up hurting them if I am wrong...  So somehow by not talking about marriage, it keeps me and everyone I care about safe.  But I hate that when I get off the phone, I feel crappy that I couldn't tell you what I want to scream from the mountaintops.  I sometimes daydream about calling you up just to tell you what I have just admitted, because I want so badly to share the fact that this man is so much a part of me now that I can't tell where I end and he begins.  And even now, admitting it in e-mail is scary.  But I hope that by finally telling you now, I will get over whatever barrier was keeping me from being able to tell you before. Anyway, I just had to tell you.   I love you, mom, Sharon

This is a letter I composed to my Mother on October 14, 1999, when Chris and I had been inseperable for nearly a year.  I finally could admit, to myself and everyone, that I adored Chris.  It was a big step for me.  An even bigger one came a little over two months later when I agreed to marry him. :)