Bovine Humor

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

"Animal Pictures"

The day care teacher held up a picture and asked, "What's this?"
"A horsy." one child answered.
"And this ?" the teacher asked the class.
"A piggy." replied another youngster.
"And now this one ?" asked the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack. There was complete and total silence."Come on now children." she coaxed, "I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommie call your Daddie when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I know ! I know !!!" said one little girl. "A horny bastard."

Cussin'

A 7 year old boy and his 4 year old brother were upstairs in their bedroom. The 7 year old was explaining that it was high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responded enthusiastically, the 7 year old hatched the plan, "When we go down stairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say 'Hell' and you say 'ass.' The 4 year old happily agreed.
As the two boys were seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walked in and asked her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7 year old replied, "Ah hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios."
"WHACK!" The surprised mother reacted quickly. The boy ran upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner voice, the mother then turned to the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?"
"I don't know," the 4 year old blubbered, "but you can bet your ass it's not gonna be Cheerios."

Story Time

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class gohome and think of story and then conclude the moral of that story ... The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story and little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asks for the moral of the story, Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy ... "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." ... Teacher asks for the moral of the story ... Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."
Last is little Billy ... "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story ... Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking!"

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