"There are no stupid questions, only stupid people" -Mr. Garrison
"I am TRYING to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass "- From Marisa's Webpage
"Prosthetic head, is better than no head in the morning."-Tre Cool
"It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger." - Tre Cool
"I bent my wookie!" -Ralph Wiggham
"I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything" -Bart Simpson
"Well you sure are lucky, because you can kiss my ass and I can't." - Ron Graham
"Your balls are filthy. Go to the ballwasher. Now." -Butthead
"If you don't like it, you can take this mistletoe and hang it over my ass" - some chick
"I beat him with his own shoes" - Wayne's World
"I'm an alcoholic. In case of emergency, buy me a beer."
"I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC, ALCOHOLICS GO TO MEETINGS!" - Mike Dirnt
"Do unto others what has been done to you."
"Sex on televison can't hurt you unless you fall off"
"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
"There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it." Billie Joe Armstrong
"it is my duty as a human being to be pissed off." -giovanni ribisi in SUBURBIA
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron." - George Carlin
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." - Ellen DeGeneris
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." - Rita Rudner
"Never moon a werewolf."
"I don't give a hell"- Danny Vapid
"Shut you the fuck up"- My friend Robbie
"Hell you to damn!!"- Robbie again
"When i die i want to come back as a butterfly cause no one ever suspects the butterfly"-gee guess who this is again?
"I'M THE PRESIDENT OF LOOKOUT RECORDS.
YOU KNOW--LOOKOUT RECORDS????? YA LIKE LOOKOUT RECORDS??? YA
LIKE HARLEY'S? I GOTTA HARLEY!!!!"-Ben Weasel trying to freak out some idiots
"Still, this whole conversation got me to thinking. Maybe it's time for a rule change. Yes, we could do nothing but play in people's basements from now on, and not even take gas money. We would pay them for the privilege of playing. We would not allow a PA or monitors. Instead of singing through a mike, I'd scream at the top of my lungs to sound more punk. We'll dump Lookout and start putting out our own EP's that we record in our basement on a tape recorder, and sell them for a quarter each, so we don't have even the slightest chance of making the dreaded PROFIT! We'll smoke a lot of pot, refuse to bathe, go to leftist demonstrations and then talk about how lame the hippies were. Oh yea, we could all act like the cartoons in Absolutely Zippo and put out grubby, impossible to read fanzines about the fuckedupedness of the government. If anyone disagrees with us, we'll call them fascists and write another song about the bogosity of religion. Sounds like a riot."- Ben weasel from his cloumn "punker than thou" in MRR
"I am a poster child for mental retardation."- Judy Relapse
"Man she would get done"- My friend Paul
"I am the disappearing........testacles!"- Dougie Dropout
"That was a new song" "I didn't like it" "well that guy didn't like it" "What guy??" "DICK!!" -Dougie Dropout and a fan at a show. (Don't feel stupid if you don't get it its an inside joke)
"Where are the matches?"-Libby Zay
"That's a bi-triple conlateral with a double twist and a 360 LMNOP wide zoo macro booty line."-Tre Cool
"Michael if you don't shut the hell up I'm gonna have a hard time keeping a straight face while Im kicking your ass"- Me to Marisa's friend Michael
"Hey Marisa!!! tiiiiiip the squater!!!"-Me to Marisa as our inside joke
"You're going to listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?"- Brodie in Mallrats
"I cannot believe it, they get Tori Spelling to play Syd, and they cast Joe Blow nobody to play me. At least you get David Schwimmer. I get the guy who drove the stagecoach for one episode of Dr. Quinn!"- Randy in Scream 2
"You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit!?"- Brodie in Mallrats
"Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrrr! Actually Adam, it's rated PG 13....oh wait that was supposed to be a joke...hahahah!"-Me and Adam.
"I swear to god Brent! If you don't buy me a fucking pretzel I'm gonna kill you and your whole family!"- Some random guy at BFD.
"I am Jade! Lord of the fire! Oops! Sorry Hunter. I didn't mean to set your leg on fire. Oops! sorry logo you're on fire too!"
"Sorry guys. I was singing show tunes while pissing downstairs."-Dave