"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear, and life stands explained"
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow"
"It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive."
"Life: an unswerving regularity of irregularity."
"The trouble isn't that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn't distributed right"
"Let us endeavour so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself."
"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it."
"By trying, we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean."
"Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."
"There is in life only one moment and in eternity only one."
"To believe yourself to be brave is to be brave; it is the only essential thing."
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect."
"The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice." ~ Following The Equator
"The trouble is that the stupid people--who constitute the grand overwhelming majority of this and all other nations--do believe and are moulded and convinced by what they get out of a newspaper." ~License of the Press," speech, 1873
"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read." ~ Fourth of July speech, 1873
"We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay there on our backs and look up at them and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened." ~ Huckleberry Finn
~Unknown quotes~
"If a cat always lands on its feet and a sandwich always falls peanut butter side down, a cat with a peanut butter sandwich strapped to its back will hover above the ground in a state of quantum indecision."
"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans."
"I procrastinate, therefore I will be"
"Laziness is just resting before you get tired"
"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but a lack of will."
"The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable."
"In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal."
~Miscellaneous quotes~
"Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling" ~Ambrose Bierce
"I think I thing; therefore, I think I am" Ambrose Bierce
"I can't understand why people are so frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones." ~John Cage
"Any frontal attack on ignorance is bound to fail because the masses are always ready to defend their most precious possession--their ignornance." ~Hendrick Van Loon
"Intellectuals are people who believe that ideas are of more importance than values. That is to say, their own ideas and other people's values." ~Gerald Brenan
"There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence." ~Henry Adams
"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. ~Kierkegaard
"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe" ~Goethe
"You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war they kill you in a new way" ~Will Rogers
"education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading" ~G.M Tevelyan
"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare." ~Japanese Proverb
"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." ~Buddha
"I do not think much of a man who does not know more today than he did yesterday." ~Abraham Lincoln
"To see it whole and complete within a single glance would burn you to cinders" ~ Merlin, Excalibur
"The madman is a waking dreamer" ~Immanuel Kant
"Are the sane and the insane equal at night as the sane lies dreaming?" ~Charles Dickens
"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be dissappointed" ~Jonathan Swift
"To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three people, two of whom are absent." ~Benjamin Franklin
"Conciousness is that annoying thing between naps" ~A Starburst commercial
"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious" ~William Feather
"Your village called, their idiot is missing" ~A T-shirt
"ARF!" "Arf he says..." ~Odie & Garfield Garfield: His 9 Lives
"For a working man or woman to vote Republican this year is the same as a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders." ~Walter Mondale
"The peasants are revolting!" "They've always been revolting prince, now they're rebelling!" ~Dragonheart
"Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts." ~Henry Brooks Adams
"Bodily exercise, when compulsory, does no harm to the body; but knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind." ~Plato
"To know all, it is necessary to know very little; but to know that very little, one must first know pretty much." ~Georges I. Gurdjieff
"I'm afraid the strain was more than he could bare." ~Doc Holiday Tombstone
"The power of accute observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." ~George Bernard Shaw
"I'm lost. I'm going to find myself. If I return before I get back, please ask me to wait." ~L. Lionel Kendrick
"We are passengers on the Earth through space, as passengers on a ship, and many of us have never thought of the vessel but the cabin where we are quartered." ~S.P. Langley
"The universe begins to look more like a great thought than a great machine." ~Sir James Jeans
"If at first you don't succeed, try something new and forget the entire experience (erasing all evidence you ever tried is good too.)" ~A guy named Dan
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." ~Benjamin Franklin
"What is inconceivable about universe is that it should be at all conceivable." ~Albert Einstein
"Now my suspicion is that the universe is not only queerer than we suppose but queerer than we can suppose." ~J.B.S. Haldane
"I put instant coffee into a microwave oven and almost went back in time." ~Steven Wright
"It is generally agreed that 'Hello' is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room
and said 'Goodbye', it could confuse a lot of people." ~Dolph Sharp
"We are raised to honor all the wrong Explorers- Theives planting flags and Murderers carrying crosses! Let us praise, at last, the colonization of Dreams!" ~Prologue to the Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
"Say that we're moving at the speed of light. . . . impossible, of course, if you believe physicists. Which I don't, by the way. Physiscists don't believe in wizards - a fact that I, being a wizard, find highly insulting. I have taken my revenge, therefore, by refusing to believe in physicists. What was the question?" ~Zifnab Elven Star, Deathgate Cycle
"If Hitler were to invade Hell, I would find occasion to make a favorable reference to the devil." ~Winston Churchill
"What luck for the rulers that men do not think." ~Adolph Hitler
"If time is money, then money is time, and time talks, and money flies, and time is the root of all evil, and money heals all wounds..." ~I know, but don't ask :)
"I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them." ~Isaac Asimov
~Dragonlance quotes~
"The constellation known as the Queen of Darkness and the one called Valliant Warrior. Both gone. She has come to Krynn Tanis, and he has come to fight her. All the evil rumors we have heard are true. War, death, destruction..." ~Raistlin Majere Dragons of Autumn Twilight
"Look Raist, bunnies" ~Caramon Majere Test of the Twins
"I made love to a beautiful woman and I didn't know it. Just my luck" ~Raistlin after hearing the story of Usha Dragons of Summer Flame
"I will do this. Nothing in my life matters except this. No moment in my life exists except this moment. I am born in this moment, and if I fail, I will die in this moment"~ Raistlin Majere--Before taking the test Soulforge
"I have sinned enough against the world. Teaching magic to a kender would ensure my damnation" ~Raistlin Majere
"'You break your promise!' Fistadantilus snarled. 'What honor is this?'
'Am I a Solamnic knight, to concern myself with honor?' Raistlin asked" ~Raistlin to Fistandantilus Soulforge
"'Did you hear what that man called me, Usha? 'Little Thief'!' Tas was spluttering with indignation. 'How dare he? And he took my knife. Only it wasn't my knife, it was your knife, I noticed, Palin. And now that thief is missing his knife, too. I've got it right here. Funny, he must have dropped it...'" ~Tasslehoff Burrfoot Dragons of Summer Flame
"You doorknob!" ~Flint Fireforge to Tasslehoff Burrfoot
~Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy quotes~
"Ford, you're turning into a penguin; stop it!" ~Arthur Dent to Ford Prefect
"`You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasently like being drunk.'
`What's so unpleasent about being drunk?'
`You ask a glass of water.'" ~Ford Prefect to Arthur Dent
"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri."
"I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis." ~Zaphod Beeblebrox
"You're Zaphod Beeblebrox?"
"hey, not so loud, everybody'll want one"
"THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?"
"No, I"m just -a- Zaphod Beeblebrox, haven't you heard, I come in sixpacks"
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that states that this has already happened."
"You cannot see what I see because you see what you see. You cannot know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know cannot be added to what you see and what you know as they are not of the same kind. What I see and what I know cannot replace what you see and what you know because that would be to replace you yourself." ~The man on the pole
~Monty Pyton and the Holy Grail quotes~
Galahad: "Look, let me face the peril!"
Lancelot: "No, no, it's much too perilous!"
Dennis: "What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior."
Arthur: "Well I am king."
Dennis: "Oh, king eh? Very nice! And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society."
Arthur: "The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king!"
Dennis: [interrupting] "Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!"
"Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!" ~Dennis
"Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!" ~Dennis
"Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!" ~Dennis
Tim the Enchanter: "Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth."
Arthur: "What an eccentric performance."
"Run away! Run away!"
"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot, it is a silly place."
"Death awaits you all with really nasty big pointy teeth!"
"..Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT: Yes, I have.
ARTHUR: Look!
BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.
~Monty Python's Flying Circus~
"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is
suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two
weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our
*three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an
almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no...
*Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as
fear, surprise.... I'll come in again."
"Go on, this is the least fascinating conversation I've ever had"
"And now for something completely different"
~Monty Python: Life of Brian~
Singing "If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten, and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing" ~The guy on the cross
~Star Trek/Star Wars quotes~
"..no matter who you are, there are always people out there who simply aren't going to like you. Doesn't matter what you do, what you say, or for that matter, what you don't do or don't say. They're going to take one look at you and there's going to be something about you that just pisses them off." ~John De Lancie, I,Q
"Besides, it is clearly a bunny rabbit" ~Data Star Trek:The Next Generation--Imaginary Friend
"I must protest! I am NOT a merry man!" ~Worf Star Trek:The Next Generation
"Do or do not, there is no try" ~Yoda Star Wars
~Grosse Point Blank~
"Hi. I'm, uh, I'm a pet psychiatrist. I sell couch insurance. Mm-hmm, and I -- and I test-market positive thinking. I lead a weekend men's group, we specialize in ritual killings. Yeah, you look great! God, yeah! Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you? Hi, I'm Martin Blank, you remember me? I'm not married, I don't have any kids, and I'd blow your head off if someone paid me enough." ~Martin Blank
Dr. Oatman: "Don't kill anybody for a few days. See what it feels like."
Martin Blank: "I'll give it a shot."
Dr. Oatman: "No, don't shoot anybody."
Martin Blank: "I'm a professional killer."
David: "Do you have to do post-graduate work for that?"
Mr. Newberry: "What have you been doing with yourself?"
Martin Blank: "Uh, professional killer."
Mr. Newberry: "Good for you. Growth industry"
Debi Newberry: "You're a psychopath."
Martin Blank: "No, no. Psychopaths kill for no reason. I kill for *money*. It's a *job*. That didn't come out right."
"We have clearly reached the point where only RAMPANT and UNCHECKED stabbing can save us. And my first act as self-appointed STABMASTER is to slay my comrades." ~Black Mage
